INT. FURNITURE SHOP. DAY
SLICK
Hi how can I help.
TOM
Just browsing.
SLICK
Browsing? Does an assertive man browse or does he decide what he wants and take it?
TOM
Emm...
SLICK
What's your name sir?
TOM
Tom.
SLICK
Really, that's terrific. I had a father called Tom. He loved this, the Rest-o-rama 5000. Triple cushioned chair, built in cooler, hot plate, microwave, dishwasher and toilet. My friend, you'd never have to leave this thing.
TOM
I was thinking of just an ordinary office chair.
SLICK
Tom, are you an ordinary man?
TOM
I guess so.
SLICK
No, you only think you are because your ordinary chairs you sit on just scream 'This man is ordinary'. Try sitting in the Rest-o-rama, see how it feels.
TOM sits up in a big fancy purple coloured cushioned chair. Two scantily clad women suddenly appear from either side and one begins to fan him down whilst the other feeds him grapes.
SLICK
Feels good doesn't it Tom.
TOM
Oh yes.
SLICK
And its functions are voice activated. Just say the function you want three times. Massage massage massage.
The chair begins to vibrate noisily. TOM has a look of pleasure on his face. SLICK takes out a crown and places it on TOM's head.
SLICK
See Tom, who's ordinary now, huh?
SLICK flips a switch and the vibrating of the chair stops. TOM gets off.
SLICK
So, how do you feel now?
TOM
I feel amazing, like a king!
SLICK
Well then you need a chair fit for a king....can you think of any?
TOM
Well, I suppose the Rest-o-rama.
SLICK
Oh, I like the way you think Tom and you came up with that all by yourself. Well, it'll cost 5 thousand pounds, we have a variety of payment options.
TOM
Alright.
SLICK
Now Tom unfortunately we don't quite have this model in stock. In fact this model costs upwards of 20 thousand pounds. For your money we can get you something close to this but just a touch more basic. I mean, who really needs the fancy bits, the microwave, the fridge, the hot plate, the massage function. I mean,that's what your wife is for right?
TOM
(hesitantly)
Okay.
SLICK
So just sign here for our 3 year payment plan and we can deliver that to you in 6 to 8 weeks.
TOM
Alright.
TOM signs.
SLICK
Great doing business with you Tom.
SLICK shakes Tom's hand.
TOM
Oh, sorry could you show me to the bathroom.
SLICK
The bathroom is only for customers.
TOM
But I am a customer.
SLICK
You were a moment ago. If you'd like to buy another chair I'd be happy to let you use the bathroom.
CUT TO:
TOM'S house.
WIFE
And how much did you pay for these?
TOM
10...thousand..pounds.
Reveal two ordinary wooden chairs sitting in the hallway.
WIFE
Well at least you didn't piss your money away on something stupid this time.
WIFE leaves annoyed.
TOM sits in one of the chairs with his head in his hands.
TOM
Oh, f**k f**k f**k.
TOM sits up suddenly, eyes widened.
TOM
(screams)
Aghhhhhhh.
