JOURNALIST IS INTERVIEWING CHIEF INSPECTOR IVOR TRUNCHEON
JOURNALIST
So Chief Inspector Ivor Truncheon what lessons have the Metropolitan Police learned from the Cairo protests?
CHIEF
Well young woman it's further proof that a police force polices with the consent of the public. That agressives police tactics have no place in a modern democracy.
JOURNALIST
Does this mean an end to kettling?
CHIEF
The only kettling we'll be doing in the Met is surrounding a camomile tea bag with hot water before giving it to a member of an ethnic minority.
JOURNALIST
No more whacking students with riot shields?
CHIEF
Oh no we've swopped all our shields for rainbow umbrellas, made by a gay recycling cooperative to protect the poor dears from rain.
JOURNALIST
Most impressive. Have you made any other changes?
CHIEF
Yes we've recruited 300 camels.
FX CAMEL SNORTS LOUDLY
Woe there constable Humphrey. They should scare the piss out of those hairy student bastards.
JOURNALIST
So the question for student protestors this week is "would you like one thump or two?"