Scene: Grandma's house. The Big Bad Wolf has (obviously) eaten grandma and is now looking hungrily at Red Riding Hood. He has just done the "All the better to eat you with, my dear!" line when the Woodcutter charges in, axe raised. Red Riding Hood screams and....
Sound of a bullhorn from outside: YOU IN THE HOUSE! WOODCUTTER! DROP THE AXE AND STEP AWAY FROM THE WOLF! YOU ARE SURROUNDED!
Woodcutter stops mid-swing, looks around. Wolf, shrinking back in the bed, begins to grin. RRH looks both annoyed and worried.
Woodcutter: "Oh f**k no! Not THEM! Not NOW!"
Bullhorn goes again. THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING. DROP THE AXE AND MOVE AWAY FROM THE ANIMAL! WE ARE ENTERING THE HOUSE. IF YOU HAVE NOT DISARMED YOURSELF YOU WILL BE FIRED UPON!
With a snarl, the Woodcutter drops the axe, despite an urgent look from Red. Moments later the door is kicked in and six figures, all in black and with full combat gear rush in. One runs to the bedside, to the wolf, looks at him anxiously.
Nods back to the one with the bullhorn, who appears to be the leader.
"Target secured, Sah!"
The boss nods back. Two of the others surround the woodcutter, one takes his axe with a distasteful look on his face. A fourth goes to Red, the same look on his face. The boss glares at the two humans, contempt in his gaze.
"How many more times are you people going to try this?" he asks rhetorically. "We know all your tricks by now." Red and the woodcutter look a little sheepish, like poachers caught in the act. In the background, the wolf is being helped out of granny's nightgown and led to the door, on all fours like a large dog. One of the men in black pats him on the head.
"We will no longer stand for this sort of gross exploitation of wild animals," the boss tells the pair, who hang their heads. "It's a sickening trade, and we are dedicated to stopping it."
A TV news crew arrives. The reporter turns to the audience.
"Here at Grandma's house yet another attempt at illegal hunting of wolves has come to the attention of the ARD, who luckily appear to have arrived in time. Commander Salt," he says, turning to the boss of the black-suited men, "can you tell us what happened?"
Commander Eugene Salt, 21 years with the Woodlands Police Department and 5 now in the Animal Rescue Division, glares into the camera, visibly shaken but determined. "Ever since the Royal Hunt Ban went into Law seventeen months ago," he intones, "a small section of society have constantly found newer and more inventive ways to circumvent that law. The latest scam, which we have seen an attempt at here --- and thankfully, a failed one --- is for a couple --- usually a young female and an older male --- to arrange accomodation for a homeless old lady, on the condition that she play the part of the young lady's grandmother. The wolf is then enticed to the home, eats the old lady, the young girl comes to the house and "finds" her "grandma" eaten, screams and then calls in her accomplice, who despatches the unsuspecting wolf. They sell the carcass and split the profits. It's a disgusting trade, which we in the Woodlands PD intend to stamp out completely."
The reporter nods. "So, have you a message for anyone out there who may be thinking of perpetrating a similar scam, Commander?" Salt nods grimly, and stares menacingly into the camera.
"Yes I do. Anyone --- and I mean ANYone --- who is thinking of harming a woodland animal in direct contravention of the Royal Hunt Ban --- I don't care if you're a young girl who needs extra cash and has a fetish for porridge-tasting, a trio of pigs who've been unable to get home insurance, or just someone who may think it's a great laugh to push Pussy down a well --- we're watching. And we WILL catch you. That is all."
