Remember you were balancing the worlds largest plate tower on your chin and someone shouted from the crowd "keep it up" and you lost concentration and dropped them all.
Script writers wanted Page 5
That was it!
We'll wait for Gavin, Ed and anyone else who wants to be involved, to read the scripts and then we'll start asking and answering questions and start formulating an idea of what direction we want to bring this.
For instance I like Barsteward as a surreal character who will stop at nothing to get his own way but that character is very at odds with the original main character so perhaps we keep Barsteward as the level headed person surrounded by the nutters, but we'll make the nutters more akin to the surreal antics of the sketch script. So perhaps in the rewrite Barsteward is in fact quite sensible and it is his brother who has all the wild plans and though he is trying to help his big brother out he is just causing more aggro, and so it is the brother who dresses up as the pied piper. Barsteward could be throwing a respectable party, everyone could be toasting him on his fine establishment, eveything has turned out okay after all and then his unhelpful brother bursts in through the door dressed as the Pied Piper, manically playing his musical instrument and letting loose his conga line of maniacs who pour all over the establishment like rats escaping a sinking ship.
I would like to keep the fraught relationship between Barsteward and his parents in the new script because I always liked the notion of the father who was a good for nothing who always left everything for his son to sort out but always managed to steal the limelight and his mother who tries to control him because she is tough as nails (I liked the scene where she jumps off of a stool into a bar brawl and starts dragging people out in the same manner a cinema monster drags its victim off into the darkness.
If anyone got any questions or ideas about character redevelopments or plots then please do ask/tell.
Quote: Scott Evans @ June 26, 2007, 4:29 PMWe'll wait for Gavin, Ed and anyone else who wants to be involved, to read the scripts and then we'll start asking and answering questions and start formulating an idea of what direction we want to bring this.
For instance I like Barsteward as a surreal character who will stop at nothing to get his own way but that character is very at odds with the original main character so perhaps we keep Barsteward as the level headed person surrounded by the nutters, but we'll make the nutters more akin to the surreal antics of the sketch script. So perhaps in the rewrite Barsteward is in fact quite sensible and it is his brother who has all the wild plans and though he is trying to help his big brother out he is just causing more aggro, and so it is the brother who dresses up as the pied piper. Barsteward could be throwing a respectable party, everyone could be toasting him on his fine establishment, eveything has turned out okay after all and then his unhelpful brother bursts in through the door dressed as the Pied Piper, manically playing his musical instrument and letting loose his conga line of maniacs who pour all over the establishment like rats escaping a sinking ship.
I would like to keep the fraught relationship between Barsteward and his parents in the new script because I always liked the notion of the father who was a good for nothing who always left everything for his son to sort out but always managed to steal the limelight and his mother who tries to control him because she is tough as nails (I liked the scene where she jumps off of a stool into a bar brawl and starts dragging people out in the same manner a cinema monster drags its victim off into the darkness.
If anyone got any questions or ideas about character redevelopments or plots then please do ask/tell.
That's sounds like it could work rather well.
The original script is vastly superior to the more sketch variety in my opinion I'd like to go back that way
I think the structure and the overall storyline with the original is better...........well put it like this, the frame of the house is good but interior needs refurbishing.
We can use the exisiting stucture but rewrite dialogue, scenes, maybe totally rewrite it.
Like I say this is a group effort so if everyone wants to put there ideas and questions forward we can start from there
Gone a bit quiet here, any thoughts on how we should progress with characters and story. Ed have you hada chance to read two scripts yet?
I have a fair amount of other things on the go at the moment, but i'll try and reread the two scripts tonight/tomorrow and will post something over the weekend
First of all, I think we should change the names of the characters to show that this is a new project and so we don't get confused (
<- an artist's impression). I like the animated beer glass and it's words of encouragement (shag her!). I would like, if possible, to keep that in the new script. I think the show could be about the responible owner of a new bar (Ben from the first script), the iresponsible staff member (A cross between Patrick from the first script and Barsteward from the second script) who wants to help, but always seems to fall short and the new bartender, possibly a dumb bimbo type that knows nothing about being a bartender (I'm not quite sure why this person would be hired, but will think of something.) Then there's the secondary characters - Ben's parents. They show when seen necersary, but don't play huge parts. They won't have their own seperate storylines. Anyway, just a few ideas.
I totally agree with all that and agree with new names cos same characters in the scripts are named differently so we have
Main character: Sensible and wants to build up a successful establishment
Brother: Can be lazy and selfish but when pushed does try to help in his own manic manner
Barman: In the first script he was the slimy barman who the main character hated but in the second he was the priest who had a part time job as a barman and was trying to dump his girlfriend without hurting her feeling. I actually like this character in the priest mould, what do you's think?
Beautiful but useless barmaid
Mom
Dad
If we can name these then if makes things less confusing when refering to them
Quote: Scott Evans @ June 30, 2007, 4:58 PMBarman: In the first script he was the slimy barman who the main character hated but in the second he was the priest who had a part time job as a barman and was trying to dump his girlfriend without hurting her feeling. I actually like this character in the priest mould, what do you's think?
Yes, the priest was funny. I'd like to keep him included too. I'm no good at coming up with character names. That's why, in my last sitcom, all the characters were named after Man Utd players!
Quote: Scott Evans @ June 1, 2007, 6:09 PMHi
I have a completed script which has got good feedback but with a continued comment that it has interesting scenarios, good characters and a strong unique style but it needs structuring better. I am looking for writers to work with me on this script which I can then reply to the individuals at the production companies who have contacted me.
I am happy to email the script to any partners who join the team and we have our discussions about the project here on this thread.
Look forward to hearing from you all
Best regards
Scott
HI Scott
Loved the stuff you sent me; really sharp and made me laugh out loud. For a while I have been trying to get into animation (software/art) but I seem not to be able to crack this nut, possibly due to over tiredness.
What software are you using? Looks pretty neat
At the moment we generally used Photoshop, Flash and Cinema 4D for 3D designs.
Quote: Scott Evans @ July 1, 2007, 10:31 PMAt the moment we generally used Photoshop, Flash and Cinema 4D for 3D designs.
Cool.
Ed, are you wanting to be involved in the rewrite and combination of the two Barstewards scripts?