British Comedy Guide

Save our Forests - sign here Page 5

Quote: Godot Taxis @ January 28 2011, 6:51 PM GMT

I felt your hand try to brush my penis, is that what you meant?

Actually Tesco is quite different from most other large corporations and is still being investigated by the Office of Fair Trading as I said in my earlier post. Previous governments have moved a number of times to close Tax loopholes that they've exploited. To say that there is a culture of Tax avoidance at work in the company is to understate it by some margin. You might remember (or possibly fancy) the Tesco Heiress Shirley Porter of the 'Homes-for Votes' scandal at Westminster Council, from some years back. Sued for 27 million she sheltered her assets and claimed a personal fortune of just £300,000. 'Having a gripe' doesn't really cover an intelligent response to their monkeying with their financial liabilities.

Incidentally I don't care who brought up Tesco, I was responding to your heartfelt 'thinkpiece' about how Tesco kept us all warm and safe from harm with their tax munificence.

F**k me...you do go on don't you?

Quote: Juan Kerr @ January 28 2011, 7:17 PM GMT

F**k me...you do go on don't you?

Quote: Juan Kerr @ January 28 2011, 4:27 PM GMT

what you really mean to say is 'I'm stumped' :D

Quote: Matthew Stott @ January 28 2011, 6:01 PM GMT

We seriously need to get a yawn emoticon thingy for your bullshit. Still, I'm sure you amuse yourself. At least, I hope you do.

*pats Matthew on the head*

God damn it, you're a hell of a guy.

Signed. Hope it does some good.

Quote: Tim Walker @ January 28 2011, 4:54 PM GMT

I wish I could say I had sympathy for the trees but, frankly, I don't. For years trees have been lauding themselves as the "lungs of the planet" when - as a little bit of fact-checking will demonstrate - it is actually the algae which are doing most of the photosynthetic legwork.

Trees are disingenuous to say the least! Therefore, regretfully - and despite their good work with squirrels - they won't be getting my vote.

Has inspired me to dig through a pile of back issues of Viz comic to find an article headlined 'Tree Profits Up', as it's not online.

EDIT: That didn't take long to find:

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...add your own ironic tagline....

Paedophiles hide behind trees

Quote: Griff @ January 28 2011, 4:20 PM GMT

I have a friend who brews beer for a living. Waitrose sell his beers for about £2 a bottle. They pay him 4p per bottle.

There's obviously much more to that little anecdote because there's no way that the retailer pays 4p per bottle of beer. Perhaps his share of the money is 4p but that's like a guy who works at Ford complaining that he only makes $30 per hour while they sell the cars for $30,000. Profit margins are very thin after you cover salaries, raw materials and other expenses.

How much beer does he sell?

I mean a billion bottles at 4p a bottle would be worth £40,000,000

Quote: Griff @ January 29 2011, 12:44 PM GMT

I tell you what DaButt, since you know so much about it, I'll give you the guys email address and you can explain to him how he's got his facts wrong.

Please do, but I think we'll find that you have your facts wrong. There's simply no way that he can sell his beers for 4p and pay for materials, labor, advertising, utilities and all the rest of the costs that come with the manufacturing business.

Supermarkets are getting a nasty regulation for paying little, being demanding and putting all the risk on the supplier.

Hence the poor sod who couldn't sell his lambs to Sainsburys because they were too fat and the bits wouldn't fit in styrofoam trays.

Quote: Griff @ January 29 2011, 12:44 PM GMT

I tell you what DaButt, since you know so much about it, I'll give you the guys email address and you can explain to him how he's got his facts wrong. In fact you've probably drunk some of his beers yourself (Ridgeway Brewery) - he runs the company and deals with all their sales, exports, brewing under licence etc as well as actually doing the brewing himself. It is good to have someone like you around though who can step in to correct these kinds of errors, I'll let him know. He'll be delighted to learn he's getting paid much more per bottle than he thought.

Laughing out loud

Quote: Nogget @ January 29 2011, 8:39 AM GMT
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...add your own ironic tagline....

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Being strictly accurate he must sell to Waitrose at more than 4 pence per litre, because he would have had to pay beer duty, which assuming an alcohol content of around 5% on a half litre bottle would come to around 45 pence; he would also have had to charge them VAT, currently 20% on the duty inclusive price, so that means he could not be selling to Waitrose at much less than 60 pence per litre. I suspect that at the very least has also deducted his shipping costs when coming up with the 4 pence per litre figure. I have no idea if 4 pence per litre pre-tax and shipping is credible, but it does sound a very tight margin.

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