i know my other first scene was under par and alot have stated it but I have come up with this one and fingers crossed its better. God I hope so anyway!
:-
Kevin and harry walk into the sales office to start there shift.
Kevin:- morning bob!
Bob:- morning Kevin, morning harry.
Harry:- morning bob.
Kevin:- who is up for coffee this morning?
Bob:- caffeine hit? Oh yes.
Harry:- ill have a tea mate.
Kevin:- a tea?
Harry:- yeah tea, bag, water, stir, milk, etc.
Kevin:-(whispering) always awkward.
Harry:-heard that! and ill have 2 sugars too.
Kevin:- you never have sugar!! Now its gone from simple coffee to pissing about with sugar and tea bags!
Kevin starts to head towards the staff room
Harry:-we got any biscuits?
Kevin o.o.v :- f**k off.
Scene 2.
Kevin puts bobs coffee on his desk.
Bob:- thanks.
Kevin puts harrys on his desk and takes a seat, harry takes a sip, gulps the mouthful down and pulls a face.
Harry:- whats this?!
Kevin:- tea.
Harry:- why are there lumps in it?!
Kevin:- we ran out of milk so I topped it up with yogurt.
Harry:- YOGURT!?
Kevin:- yeah, its still dairy! Just drink it and stop moaning will you!
Harry:- cheese is a dairy but you don't see people putting that in there drink! What have you used for yours and bobs?
Kevin:- powered milk.
Harry:- why didn't you use that for mine?
Kevin:- I would have if you wanted a coffee.
Harry:- the lumps have green bits in them.
Kevin:- yeah, I think it was Percy's yogurt, its been in there a while, do you want a coffee instead?
Harry:- yeah go on then.
Kevin:- well the kettle is boiled and the kenco is next to the powered milk.
Harry:-asshole!!
Scene 3
Harry walks into the staff room and starts to make himself a coffee, Percy and Darren enter.
Harry:- morning you two.
Percy:- morning dear boy.
Darren:- alright.
Percy:- pass me the milk out the fridge Darren ill make us a tea.
Harry stares hard and wide eyed at Darren to see if he produces milk from the fridge.
Darren:- which one? Green, red or blue top?
Harry looks towards the sales office.
Harry:- YOU LITTLE F*CKER!!!
Darren:- no! I haven't done it!!
Harry:- not you! Kevin put yogurt in my f**king tea and said we didn't have milk!
Percy:- what yogurt?
Harry walks to the fridge and starts searching for the yogurt Kevin used.
Harry:- where is it?!!?
Darren dips his hand in the bin and holds up a yogurt container.
Darren:- is this it?
Harry:- oh God no!
Percy:- he can't have, I found it in the back of the fridge and I chucked that out yesterday, he wouldn't go in the bin would he? It was about 3 weeks out of date when I threw it.
Darren peers into the yogurt pot and starts to prod and poke.
Darren:- its got a lot of mould in it as well.
darren smiles.
Darren:- feels squigy.
Harry:- that dirty shit!!!
any advice at all would be very very welcome, I need a good start and hopefully with some chopping and changing I can get it at least ok or closer to what im aimming for.