Disclaimer: You need to have seen the film "Aliens" for this to make any sort of sense, and its sequel, "Alien 3" to get the joke, such as it is, in the ending.
Scene: two MASSIVE "mother-queen" Aliens (as in, HR Giger-style from the films) are sitting in a coffee shop, facing one another at a small table. One of them is obviously pregnant. Other Aliens are at other tables, going in and out, and there is an Alien at the counter serving.
Alien 1 (the non-pregnant one): "So, what are your plans for the birth, Doris?" (Note: the Alien isn't really called Doris: I'm simplifying her name, which, were you to try to pronounce it properly, would require the addition of seven extra tongues and the removal of your tonsils, to be replaced by a set of pistons for a 1989 Citreon. The same goes for Alien 2, and any others).
Alien 2 (Doris, the pregnant one): "Oh, I don't know, Maria. I kind of thought a nice deserted moon or planet somewhere. I heard LV-426 is quite nice this time of year."
Maria: "Oh no! Don't go there! My sister-in-law had a TERRIBLE time there!"
Doris (leaning forward): "Really? What happened?"
Maria: "Oh, it was just AWFUL! Cynthia told me all about it after she got back. She went there, pregnant like you, and settled in with her family around her to give birth in peace. Next thing, f**king human space marines all over the place! Running around, shouting, shooting, making all sorts of ruckus."
Doris (sighing): "As humans do."
Maria (nods): "Exactly. Well she wasn't having that. All that noise and upset. Explosions going off all the time. And the NOISE their ship made when it crashed! I mean, Bert, her husband, only went up there to ask them to keep the noise down, next thing the pilot is pointing a gun at him. So what could he do?"
Doris (tuts): "Humans! Galaxy would be SUCH a nicer place without them. I tell you, if MY Annabelle ever brought a human home, I'd kick her out of the house!"
Maria: "Right. So anyway, the ship crashes, there's this huge explosion and suddenly the humans are running all over the place, shouting and yelling and raising all kinds of hell, while Cynthia's trying to RELAX, you know? So she asks the family to go have a word with them."
Doris: "Hah! I'm sure THAT worked!"
Maria: "Next thing the humans are attacking left, right and centre. So the guys did what they could, thinned out their numbers, took off the gloves, you know? Showed them they weren't going to stand for that sort of behaviour."
Doris: "Proper order, too."
Maria: "Yeah. Though then this ONE marine --- f**king human WOMAN! --- traps Cynthia in the loading bay at the surface of the planet, and --- wait for this, you won't believe it --- STARTS TORCHING HER EGGS!"
Doris (choking): "Well I never! Defenceless little eggs! The bitch!"
Maria: "Yeah, with some sort of massive gun she had. The way Cynthia told it, this tart seemed to have some beef with her. Anyway, in the end my sister-in-law stows on their ship, planning on revenge for all the eggs destroyed when they nuked the planet..."
Doris (shocked): "They NUKED the WHOLE PLANET?"
Maria: "Yeah, I know. Unbelievable, right? F**king humans. Anyway, Cynthia eventually catches up with this bitch, there's a big fight --- Cynthia ends up getting ejected into space! Took her MONTHS to make her way back to homeworld. She hasn't been the same since, poor thing."
Doris: "Who would have thought? What is WRONG with those humans?"
Maria: "Ah, who can tell? But I definitely wouldn't choose LV-426 as your birthing planet, is all I'm saying."
Doris: "No, I see what you mean. What about that prison planet, the one on Fiorina Fury 161? Only human inmates there. Can't get out, so can't disturb a nesting mother?"
Maria: "Sure, sounds good. What could happen there, after all?"
