I origionally popped this on the end of Adam and Eve, but then thought if you have read it once you might not look again, so I thought pop it on in it's own right. This is part of a planned six part series with the earlier posted Adam and Eve, 3 are almost ready, 3 still need lots of work. The series is for radio and is called, Dr Roners lectures. Dr Roner is a middle aged portly and slightly pompus Scottish charecter I have been working with over the last month or so. All honest comments please.
Thanks
Dr Roners Lectures. William Wallace.
SCENE 1. INT. LECTURE THEATRE. Dr Roner is been introduced to an Audience by an announcer.
FX:
*A smattering of applause
**Dr Roner approaching the lecturn
*** Mystical Scottish music
ANNOUNCER
Welcome to Dr Roners Lectures. Dr D Roner is a Scottish Historian, Philosopher, Theologian, Author, Artist, Dietician and Broadcaster and has been described by many institutes of learning as "One of the greatest minds of our time". He has used his investigative skills and intellect to provide answers to some of the worlds most enduring mysteries and legends. In this series Dr Roner will explore six areas of history and tell us the truth behind the people involved and the actions they took, explaining just how their decisions affect us all in our present everyday lives. Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome a man who passed his driving test on only his second attempt, Dr D Roner*.
**
DR RONER
Thank you, Good Evening. Tonight's Lecture is entitled, Braveheart was a load of Tosh will the real William Wallace please stand up? Or, William Wallace the truth. Please, if you will, I want you to imagine Scotland in the thirteenth century***
SCENE 2. EXT. BARN. NIGHT
FX: Heavy Rain and howling wind over sheep bleating
*Loud piercing shriek
** Very heavily Scottish accented mumbling
DR RONER
It really was a broad licht moon licht night in the November of 1272 when William Wallace was born. The thunderous rain cratering hard and frosted Scottish ground outside the barn in which he was to enter this world, aided by howling winds which obscured Sheep's bleatings were not the only sounds to be heard. Without warning, *an anguished scream conveying a pain, which was later described by none who heard it, as being known only to those damned souls held by Satan's demons within the confines of Hell itself emerged from the Barn to pierce the shattered sky and dark forest all around. As even the clouds seemed to recoil from the ungodly sound and whilst the creatures of the woodland, not understanding, yet guided by a primal instinctive fear burrowed deeper in to the earth, the scream reached its crescendo before fading back, to from where it came. Only to be followed almost immediately by the sound of a** guttural Scottish voice shouting messages of curse to God and all his fallen armies. Inside the barn, Margie Wallace was in labour whilst Alan, an anxious third time father to be, had just smashed his shin on the fence of a Sheep Pen he had fitted for Margie as
ALAN
A pleasant surprise
DR RONER
When she had come back from visiting her Mother earlier in the year
SCENE 3. INT. BARN. SECONDS LATER.
FX: Wind and Rain falling on the roof, a crackling fire and muted sounds of animal movement .
MARGIE
Are ya alright Alan? Are ya hurt?
ALAN
Argghh that Ikea sheep pen Margie*, it has to go. I knew it was a bad idea
*FX: kicking a piece of wood
ALAN
I dunnee care that they have these in Sweden, or wherever else they are, we will not be having one in our home any longer. Is that understood?
MARGIE
Yes Alan alright, I dunnee care about it right now anyway.
ALAN
You dunnee care? I have just bruised ma shin on that thing and it bloody well hurt, and you dunnee care?
MARGIE
I didn't mean it like that Alan. What I mean is the bairn is nearly here. My waters broke two hours ago so I am sorry but you are gonna have to give me a hand here
ALAN
Give you a hand?
MARGIE
Well I cannee carry on with this while giving birth now can I? You will just have stuff and pin the feathers on this Haggis yourself for a few minutes until I am finished
ALAN
Are ya sure you cannee cope Margie? You always have before
MARGIE
Aye I have but I have not had the other two bairns to bathe and dress before though have I? And I need to finish churning the butter before it curds and we end up with even more cheese. It will only be for a few minutes I will be as quick as I can
ALAN
Alright then, but try not to be too long, I need that Haggis for morning. I have to go meet with the other nobles again. King Alexander is talking about going out riding and we need that Haggis if we can nay put him off
MARGIE
Oh?
ALAN
Oh come on Margie. I am as sick as you are of trying to make Haggis look like a real animal. You have no idea what it is like. You should have seen his face when he found about the Tooth Fairy. I have never seen a man look so dejected. You would have thought someone had just crapped in his porridge. I cannee tell him Haggis does neigh exist it would break his heart, and he would probably have my head for it as well. It is just easier to try and make Haggis exist for him
MARGIE
Is it really easier to catapult a Haggis through the air for a King to shoot down than it is to actually tell him it never lived?
ALAN
It's definitely easier for him to think Haggis flies
MARGIE
As long as you are sure?
ALAN
It is up to all the nobles, not just me to try and dissuade him from Haggis hunting, but at the same time we have to keep him sweet. He may be an idiot but he has brought peace and economic stability to Scotland and he keeps those evil English at bay
MARGIE
I know
ALAN
So are ya going to go and have the bairn or not?
MARGIE
Aye I suppose I had best, I will be back in a minute
FX: Margie exits the room and Alan hums to himself softly. The quiet sounds of Margie straining and a babies cry can be heard. The sound of the wind and rain stops as the door opens and Margie re-enters the room
ALAN
Well?
MARGIE
It has stopped raining
ALAN
So it has, I mean what is it?
MARGIE
Oh. You have another son
ALAN
Well done Margie, another boy
MARGIE
What are you going to call him?
ALAN
Dunno. I have not thought about that yet
MARGIE
You could call him Alex after the king
ALAN
I could but I don't want an idiot for a son. I will call him William
MARGIE
William?
ALAN
William Wallace. It is a fine strong and upstanding name is it not?
MARGIE
It is
ALAN
Then it is decided. William Wallace welcome to the world
DR RONER
So William was born and it stopped raining, a truly exceptional night for Scotland. He was healthy and strong and the following morning his father announced his birth at the Scottish nobles meeting
Sorry for any offence caused to any Scots I love ya really and who knows, it might have happened like that. 