Tragic - the re-write

I posted this for the sketch comp but it didn't get a mention, so I have done a re-write.

TWO WORKMEN ARE CHATTING ON THEIR BREAK. THEY'VE GOT SPANNERS ETC ON A TABLE IN FRONT OF THEM. DAVE IS READING FROM THE NEWSPAPER.

DAVE -
Oh my God, it says here that someone died after being locked in a walk-in freezer in a supermarket.

STEVE -
That's just what happened to my Uncle Ken. He popped in for a bit of brisket, when the door closed behind him. They didn't find him for 3 days because of the bank holiday. My auntie still goes into hysterics if she sees a snowman. It's awful on a bad winter.

DAVE -
Oh no...this man cut off his own arm with a chainsaw and then bled to death.

STEVE -
Yep, that happened to my Uncle Derek.

DAVE -
It never.

STEVE -
Well, he didn't cut off his own arm. Auntie Carole did it.

DAVE -
She murdered him?

STEVE -
Naah, she was just a bit pre-menstrual.

DAVE -
Doesn't anyone die of natural causes in your family?

STEVE -
Well, off the top of my head......Oh, I shouldn't say that, my brother died after a botched lobotomy.

DAVE -
Euuuggh!

STEVE -
Then Grandad jumped off the top of the gasworks. Uncle Sid fell into an industrial oven...he was brown bread.

DAVE -
Did you ever suspect foul play?

STEVE -
Only when Auntie Alice got pecked to death in the hen-house.

DAVE -
Don't you worry about dying a gruesome death?

STEVE -
Not really, I think we've exhausted all the possibilities.

DAVE - (LOOKING AT THE TABLE)
How about bludgeoned to death with a spanner?

STEVE -
Ummm...

DAVE -
By a jealous husband!

STEVE - (STARTING TO GET UP AND BACK AWAY)
Eh? What? You don't think......me and your Pat! No, I can explain.

DAVE - (ADVANCING WITH THE SPANNER)
Oh yeah?

DAVE CHASES STEVE WITH THE SPANNER AND TAKES SWIPES AT HIM.

STEVE -
Stop, stop, I'm sure we've had this one, Dave, you'll have to think of something else!

DAVE - (GRUDGINGLY)
Oh alright, I hate repeats!

i think its great! only crit I give is the fact dave can speak to steve normally through out the whole scene knowing he has slept with his wife until the last bit where he is going to beat him with a spanner. just seems out of the blue with no trigger for him to do this.

its only until steve says

"Eh? What? You don't think......me and your Pat! No, I can explain."

that I figured out what was going on.

maybe something in the conversation could be slipped where he mentions a beauty spot on pats body that isnt visable unless being intermit?

but on the + side I thought the banter between the two was funny and very quick witted!!

Dide this one originally have an ending where he talked about dying in his sleep & they were up on Girders or something?

I liked it at the time
And nearly voted for it, It was my second choice.

Oh, cheers, that's perked me up!