Count Dracula 2 - HIV Positive Page 2
Quote: Juan of a Kind @ January 18 2011, 3:41 PM GMTCount Dracula is sitting in a modern day clinic and a doctor enters the room with a clipboard.
Count Dracula: Is it all ok?
Doctor: Well Mr.Dracula, I'm afraid you are HIV positive.
Count Dracula: That's impossible. How could this have happened?
Doctor: Well it seems to me as though the amount of different blood types that you intake each week may have something to do with it. It certainly heightens your risk.
Count Dracula: But I am always very careful - I always take samples of my victims' blood and test it to make sure. This is very odd.
Doctor: The only other way you could have contracted it is through homosexual intercourse.
Count Dracula: (quickly) Actually it makes sense for it to be the blood.
I laughed at the concept, but I feel that the punchline was fairly weak and you didn't do as much with the great concept as you could.
Ricky Gervais did a similar joke about the origin of AIDS re: buggery, but minus vampires. '[...] and that's how he got AIDS. Or at least, that's what I would have said' (It was the Animals or Politics tour).
The one about the monkeys?
Quote: zooo @ January 18 2011, 6:24 PM GMTThe one about the monkeys?
Yeah.
You've got AIDS. Chopped hand or f**ked a chimp up the arse. The hand choppy thing. (Finds the chimp). You gave me AIDS. I gave you a blow job. What's AIDS? You got it from eating a monkey. Didn't eat monkey. Eating or f**king it. Definitely eating it.
etc.
good idea but a bit wordy.
Count Dracula is sitting in a modern day clinic and a doctor enters the room with a clipboard.
Count Dracula:
Am I ok?
Doctor:
I'm afraid you're HIV positive.
Count Dracula:
What!
Doctor:
The amount of different blood types you ingest each week did put you at risk.
Count Dracula:
But, since the 80's scare I've got all my blood in sealed packs from this hospital. I trust their screening 100%
Doctor:
The only other way you could have contracted it is through homosexual intercourse.
Count Dracula:
Well (beat) maybe not one hundred percent....
Quote: Will Cam @ January 18 2011, 6:39 PM GMTgood idea but a bit wordy.
Count Dracula is sitting in a modern day clinic and a doctor enters the room with a clipboard.
Count Dracula:
Am I ok?Doctor:
I'm afraid you're HIV positive.Count Dracula:
What!Doctor:
The amount of different blood types you ingest each week did put you at risk.Count Dracula:
But, since the 80's scare I've got all my blood in sealed packs from this hospital. I trust their screening 100%Doctor:
The only other way you could have contracted it is through homosexual intercourse.Count Dracula:
Well (beat) maybe not one hundred percent....
Nailed it! That's exactly it.
Never let the facts get in the way of a good comedy sketch, say I!
Great stuff! Like it!
Oh, and dare I say it? I VANT TO SUCK YOUR --- Blood, blood! I vant to suck your BLOOD! Vat did you zink I vas goink to say??? 
Couldn't it just as easily work without the slightly questionable homosexual references?
DOCTOR
You must have cut your mouth whilst ingesting the blood of hundreds of different people. It happens more often than you think.
DRACULA
It could be that, I try to be careful but it is always a risk when attacking someone in a frenzy.
DOCTOR
The other alternative is that you may have had a variety of sexual partners.
DRACULA
It's that one. That's why I've got HIV.
Sorry, but I personally think the idea of a gay Dracula is hilarious (I know all/most of Anne Rice's vampires were gay, but still...) and I don't think it's offensive to anyone, nor questionable on any other level.
(Sits back and watches door, awaiting a knock from the Vampire Defamation League --- "The Undead have Rights Too!")
The sketch is funny - but in a bubble of massive factual wrongness. That's the questionable part. Not questionable as in taste.
If you can get people to forget for a moment that this: "The only other way you could have contracted it is through homosexual intercourse" is obviously innaccurate, then it's fine.
Well, you could qualify that by having the doctor say "According to this Government released pamphlet..."
Yep, could do.
Lots of jokes have factual innaccuracies though I suppose, it doesn't automatically mean it doesn't work.
Quote: Chopz @ January 19 2011, 10:33 AM GMTCouldn't it just as easily work without the slightly questionable homosexual references?
DOCTOR
You must have cut your mouth whilst ingesting the blood of hundreds of different people. It happens more often than you think.DRACULA
It could be that, I try to be careful but it is always a risk when attacking someone in a frenzy.DOCTOR
The other alternative is that you may have had a variety of sexual partners.DRACULA
It's that one. That's why I've got HIV.
Not really working for me, to be honest. The idea of a gay Dracula is pretty funny.
Quote: zooo @ January 19 2011, 5:54 PM GMTThe sketch is funny - but in a bubble of massive factual wrongness. That's the questionable part. Not questionable as in taste.
If you can get people to forget for a moment that this: "The only other way you could have contracted it is through homosexual intercourse" is obviously innaccurate, then it's fine.
Got to agree with Zooo on this one, I could imagine some people may find the inaccuracies to be a bit misleading, and therefore potentially harmful.
It's a good idea, but I think you need to be careful how you handle it.