Cuts

Hardly the most topical of subjects, and likely to be much-treaded subject matter, but it was in my head so I wrote it down.

Int: Government Department meeting. Member of Parliament (MP)- upper-middle class 50something gent. Aide- 30 something male, smartly dressed. Handful other MPs- off camera.

MP: So lads. Got some reviewing to do. Bloody students have been chucking fire extinguishers around again and pissing on monuments, so lets see if we can't rejigg these cuts around a bit. God knows the world will fall apart if those smelly hippies couldn't afford to buy Marxist text books for their Modern Communism lectures.

General mumbles of agreement.

Aide: Marx was a socialist, sir.

MP eyes Aide suspiciously.

MP: So. Can't take the money off the soap dodgers. What about those council estate single mothers? Spending all their money on track suits and turkey Twizzlers, I heard. Maybe give them less money to spend in Iceland, ey? Their kids at least. Too busy playing on GameBoys and standing outside of shops.

General mumbles of agreement.

Aide: We're already freezing Child Benefits, sir, for a start.

MP: Northerners? Are they picking fruit yet?

Silence

MP: What about them spastics then?

Aide: Sir?

MP: Do we really need to pay for them to be wheeled around? Can't they wipe their own arses?

Aide: I suspect some of them can, Sir.

MP: Well, if I can't bloody cut from Students, peasants or spastics, who can I cut from?

Aide: Well sir, there is one currently unaffected social group.

MP eyes widen

MP: Yes?

Aide: Er, white upper classed two-parent households earning excess of £60k net...

Aide stops talking upon seeing reaction from MoPs. Silence in room.

MP: (insincere) Er.. yes. Smith? Good work. Why don't you take that next door and we'll sign it off immediately?

Aide steps up from table and opens door to next room. Door slams and knocks behind him and we see it is a janitorial style cupboard containing dishevelled starved-looking men in suits. Aide turns to door, which is slammed and locked with a sign which reads reads "Liberals".

It's a good idea but it isn't the most original idea.

Also the speeches are a little long it lacks zip or punch

And it lacks gags over all. Most of those lines should be mini jokes enroute to big jokes.

Eep, I counted a lot of minigags before I posted (just counted 13 ). Can't have come accross in the writing. Will avait further responses and make appropriate edits

And yes, it's not very original! Not a lot I can do about that haha. It's not intended to get anywhere.

As far as I can see, every sentence is a mini-gag but I'm slightly biased

Sorry I'm a miserablist sod today.

What about those chav mums? Spending all our taxes on shell suits, turkey Twizzlers and scratch cards. Scums gone to Iceland and blown the budget on turkey twizzlers ey? And their vile progeny. Playing Tomb raider on their play stations and womb raider with their under age, under achieving girl friends.

A slight reedit of one of the lines.

Not really my style, Sooty, but I appreciate the help

Certainly does't make it any zippier!

Nice ending but agree largely with Sootyj until then. It reads more like a fly-on-the-wall documentary than a sketch. A couple of minor points: unless I have missed something, Members of Parliament have a pretty well-known abbreviation already, and it isn't MoP. And I don't think you should introduce your characters as stereotypical - I've seen it a few times on here from different people, but "stereotypical characters" is usually what a critic writes in a bad review; don't do their job for them.

Thanks Badge, good points. I don't know why I wrote MoP? Just a moment of madness. You're right about the character description too.