Vroomboo
Thursday 20th January 2011 6:56pm [Edited]
London
113 posts
INT: PUB: NIGHT
Drunk Man 1 - Hey, you looking at my bird?
Drunk Man 2 - That's no bird. That's a Gammy Wank.
DM1 - OUTSIDE, NOW!
DM2 - YEAH, You're On!
EXT: PUB: NIGHT
In street is a Police van, 3 Police officers and two huge Mascots (Men
dressed in padded 10 ft Cartoon characters - one of the Mascots is the shape of a shoe which wobbles).
DM1 - Evening Officers
Police Officer - Cough
Each Drunk man begins attacking and beating up a huge Mascot while
the Police stand-back and watch.
Camera pans to Police officer
Police Officer - We've placed our Mascots in all Bristol's violent hotspots. Go On WOBBLY SHOE, give it some!
---------------------
Cut to outside a nightclub. A bunch of aggressive drunk girls in
stilettos and short-skirts come spilling over to camera crew,
screaming.
GIRL 1 - B'stards wouldn't let us in!
GIRL 2 - Get your dick OUT now! OUT OUT
GIRL 3 - We're not drunk ladies? We're HAPPY ladies! WHO the FECK you Looking at?
GIRL 3 - Are you filming for the One Show? I LOVE YOU CHRIS EVANS!
The Police Van screeches around the corner.
We hear an officer shout 'OUT OUT OUT'
4 huge Cartoon mascots bound out the van and rush the girls. 3 girls
begin attacking 2 Mascots. One girl cuddles a Mascot, she's giggling and resembles a baby in her mother's arms. Another girl begins snogging a Mascot.
Camera pans to Police officer
Police Officer - All establishments have mobile alarms.
The police officer holds up an alarm device. It has the picture of a cartoon duck on the front.
Police Officer - Once pressed, we 'The Police' using the latest GPS
technology. Arrive within 2 minutes. Look
Camera pans to street corner. A feral man has appeared, he's carrying a
flick knife and appears to be creeping upto a middle class couple.
Police Officer - GET BOUNCY BABY!
Other officers all shout out for 'Bouncy Baby'.
A huge mascot, looking like a well padded Sumo in a nappy jumps out the van and
runs up to the knife wielding man. The middle age couple look terrified, the lady feints. The attacker is first surprised and angrily stabs the Sumo. Sumo falls, gets back up and goes for the knife man again. The stabber stabs again. Sumo keeps retracting and advancing.
Camera pans to Police officer who talks into camera. Sumo attack continues behind officer. Police Officer keeps looking over his shoulder, excited.
Police Officer - Excellent
Fast Forward 5 minutes. Knife man is exhasted and cuffed. He sits in the back of the Police Van. In the distance we see the Police officer and Bouncy baby come together. The camera rapidly zooms up. The Police Officer give Bouncy Baby a very big proud fatherly hug.
