Maybe you could throw up on the audience at the end. Or just do a little bow.
The Night Before New Years (a poem) Page 2
Good idea, Ben. I'll learn to vomit on cue.
Quote: Rob H @ January 10 2011, 4:51 PM GMTWell, would you want to agree with Will Cam? Eh? Eh?
Your name vill be going on zer list 
Struggled a bit to make the second verse scan; agree with the other *constructive* comments.
Impressed by your way with hecklers.
Hello lovelies. I have done a rewrite, as I intend to use this for a storytelling night weekend after next. Focused on fixing the issues, adding more references to the original text and (hopefully) more giggles and building it to an ending? Feedback greatly appreciated. (Also adding new version to OP).
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'Twas the night before new years
Whilst riding a train
10 minutes from London
When I felt a pain
And from my intestines,
I heard such a clatter
I sprang from my chair,
To deal with the matter...
But no toilet was vacant
I started to I panic
And the feeling inside me
Grew increasingly manic
But the train started slowing
Approaching Kings Cross
But my gullet was heaving
I had to get off
I jumped down to the platform
A hurry to leave
Then I hid past a corner
And started to heave
As I drew in my head,
and was turning around,
the contents of breakfast,
came to the ground.
I barfed and I chundered
And longed for my bed
Whilst visions of antacids
Danced through my head
Then a man on the platform
In a big orange coat
Started walking towards me
I sobbed from my throat
He had a broad face
and a little round belly,
That bounced when he walked,
like James Corden off telly
"I'm going to get shouted at"
I bawled and I cried
With a breath reminiscent
Of something which died
But I heard him exclaim,
'ere we ran out of sight,
"Come back here and clean this,
you miserable shite!"
Could really do with some feedback, as I'm performing this tomorrow night! Pllleeeeeaaaaassssseeeeee x
Arghh! I can't offer any constructive feedback.
Now I've heard your voice, I can image how you would express this as you read it and hopefully it'll be funnier than it sounds in my head.
*does his best Byker Grove accent*
"'Twas the night before new years...like"
Yes, yes, yes.
Have you ever done owt like this before? I think this is pretty good and if it's your first time you're going to get a better impression of what works from the audience rather than from us. Unless you want to record yourself reading it and post it on here? 
I've done a similar poem before in front of this room and it went down ridiculously well (and really it's not as funny as this one). If it's the same croud, then I'm in very safe hands (the headliner is also a comedy poet actually as well).
No stanzas for you that seem unecessary? That's my main problem. I pruned this pretty heavily from the original, but I'm terrible at being brutal with my own writing.
"As I drew in my head,
and was turning around,
the contents of breakfast,
came to the ground."
He had a broad face
and a little round belly,
That bounced when he walked,
like James Corden off telly
You could probably snip these two bits off? I don't like the James Corden line, but others might. I don'tknow whether yous should cut them, but I think they are no moving it along, rather stretching out the description. Or something, my brain is slow today.
Ah that second one you've quoted is my favourite of the whole thing, so that one's a keeper I'm afraid I have a feeling that this room aren't big James Cordon fans.
That first one you've quoted though, I think you're right. It's not sat well with me since I wrote it. The only reason it's there was to include more 'near quotes' from the original Night Before Christmas poem. But I don't think think it adds any funny.
I'm daft. I thought you was just ripping the title, didn't realise you spoofed the whole thing. This is my mistake, not yours. >_<
Most of the stanzas are lifted from the original and tinkered with. I'm too lazy to write totally original material!
I like the James Corden line!
The only thing that didn't sit right with me was you suddenly said 'we' in the last verse/stanza, when up till then it had been 'I', so the audience will assume you were alone.
Oooohhhh good spot, Zooo! I will amend on final edit 
Woo! I done a help.