Quote: Vroomboo @ January 13 2011, 10:02 PM GMTNat - did you find that Subo Love Music sketch funny?
Decent concept poorly executed, and about 3 times as long as it should be.
Literally v0.2 Page 3
Quote: Nat Wicks @ January 14 2011, 12:11 PM GMTDecent concept poorly executed, and about 3 times as long as it should be.
Hey Nat, 'poorly executed' is hardly constructive. Remember you were new once.
You're right, I'm sorry. The constructiveness of my posts is often affectected by my feelings towards the OP. Should try to avoid this in Ciritique really.
2 more sketches have been posted. I'm not interested or joyful about comments from Nat ?!
? I'm so over the 'victim of bullying' school role I played since I recovered from chemo. But I am keen for a critque of my latest 2 sketches from all you others.
I think I'm gonna aim for that universal sketch that appeals to all. hey - it's a dream. 
You should be careful about branding someone a bully.
or what?
Hahah I'm not threatening, silly boo. I meant it's not a very nice thing to accuse someone of. Send me a PM and we'll have a chat about it x
Nat, just forget about me. Please. You didn't like my OP PO... thing - that's fine. I wasn't writing to make friends - I was simply laying out my situation and asking advice from fellow performers/writers 'Bristish Comedy' fans. I sure didn't expect feelings of like or dislike from members reading it!?!?
I live and learn!
Regardless, it's irrelevant to the current purpose in this 'critique' section - which is to get a quick and sharp insight into my sketches and how they can work better or don't work.
It's all I care about while here.
Oh you two...! Just ignore each other, please. You seem to have got off on entirely the wrong footing, and are now - Vroomboo - reading far more into Nat's posts than are intended or meant.
It's an interesting idea but the execution is flabby and there's not much structure.
I'm glad you like the idea. Many have said it's flabby/needs a pruning. I've re-written the sketch to make it more tight and succinct.
I was advised not to put up a fresh copy of a sketch unless it's fundamentally different.
What do you mean about 'structure'? I've got a beginning/middle/end... or haven't I? Or is 'structure' something else?
Cheers
1 You can repost a new draft in the same thread.
2 The punchline isn't really an end
3 Katy Price's vajazzle is tighter then this current version. The idea isn't all that strong or original.
4 If the joke is she uses literal all the time, grow the punchline from there.
It took 3 mintues of Google to understand the 'vajazzle' reference. I don't know if my life has improved with the knowledge that a tanned celeb has a unpruned and flabby vagina - I suppose it doesn't hurt.
Not original? What other shows has the 'Literally' been in? If it's in a show in the last 5 years I will delete the post. It was a new idea for me - but I realise most ideas are floating in the air.
If it's from a sketch in the past - I will post the edited and pruned version.