British Comedy Guide

Trainspotting edited for health and safety

RENTON IS RUNNING THROUGH THE STREETS OF EDINBURGH

GRAM
Lust for life

VO
Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a f**king big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of f**king fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit- crushing game shows, stuffing f**king junk food into your mouth. Because if you choose that you'll avoid potential slips and trips in the kitchen. But if you choose watching more than 2 hours on television on an average day, then choose a display screen safety assessment.

RENTON STOPS RUNNIMG

A POLICE OFFICE GRABS AND RESTRAINS HIM

POLICE OFFICER
And remember 23% of falls in the street are caused by running or jogging

RENTON
So choose walking at a reasonable pace in built up areas.

Nobody move! This joke's been f**ked, and no c*nt leaves here till we find out what c*nt did it!

I don't think these are working imo, sootyj.

Not keen on this one, Sooty. I'd spend some time rewriting the Jaws one.

what's ans?

It's flicking return by accident, could you change it to "and safety"

thanks

nb Ben I reedited the Jaws one

Quote: zooo @ January 8 2011, 10:29 PM GMT

what's ans?

Worst critique EVER.

Doned!

Quote: Ben @ January 8 2011, 10:37 PM GMT

Worst critique EVER.

Har. Cool

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