Boxes sketch

INT. FRONT DOOR. DAY.

Doorbell rings. Fred opens the door to Paul, a water company representative. Paul is holding a clipboard.

Paul: Hello. I'm Paul and I'm here about the result of your latest water test. I understand you are quite concerned?

Fred: Oh yes. Very concerned.

Paul: Well, okay. (RAISES CLIPBOARD) I have to ask some question first, if you don't mind?

Fred: No. Fire away.

Paul: Okay, are you the homeowner of this property?

Fred: Yes, I am.

Paul (WRITING ON CLIPBOARD): Resident is a homo.

Fred: Sorry?

Paul: Oh! Yes! Sorry. It's the stupid form I have to fill in. The boxes for each answer are way too small for my writing, so I just write the first bit in and fill out the rest when I get back to the office. Is that okay?

Fred: Oh! Right! Resident is a homeowner! Oh well that's alright then.

Paul: Right. Now, why did you ask for a water test in the first place?

Fred: Well, my wife wasn't feeling too well, so she went to the doctors, and they found higher level of arsenic in her blood stream. Of course, I'm quite worried about this.

Paul: As you should be. (WRITING ON CLIPBOARD) Husband is worried about wife's arse.

Fred: That's right.

Paul: Okay. And what were her main symptoms?

Fred: Well, she kept complaining about a little prickle all along her back.

Paul: (WRITING) Wife complained about little prick.

Fred: She said she was fed up with the twittering in her ears.

Paul: (WRITING) Fed up with the twit.

Fred: But she was putting up with more on her right than her left.

Paul: (WRITING) Wife putting up with more on. (TO FRED) Okay then. Did the doctor prescribe anything?

Fred: Well, he said she should regularly suck some aspirin.

Paul: (WRITING) Wife sucking ass. (TO FRED) So to sum up, you are a homo, you're worried about your wife's arse, she's a complained about the little prick, she's fed up with the twit, she's putting up with a moron and you say she sucks ass. Is that right?

Fred: Oh yes. That's exactly right.

Paul: Good. I have one last question then, what is your current occupation?

Fred: Oh, I'm a country club manager.

Paul (WRITING) Husband is a (PAUSES) (TO FRED) I think I'll fill that in later. Goodbye!

Fred: Goodbye!

Fred shuts the door.

Hey Grem.

The opening line stumbles a bit and could do with being rejigged but the rest is really good. A really nice idea with all the lines flowing freely without being forced. a nice ending as well.

Nice one

Hi Will. Yep. The setup does stumble a bit. I'll work on that. Glad you liked the rest of it.

OK, but could be better. The prick, twit and ass lines were all too predictable and immature. Otherwise good. Enjoyed the punchline.

I'm not altogether comfortable with the crudeness either. It's too easy to go to the rude rather than the clever. Going to work on cleaner, cleverer alternatives, bring it back within the realms of 'family comedy', except that last line, of course.

Think a cleaner, more G. Wiley approach is the way to go.

A lot of the feedlines were very obviously set-ups - i.e. not lines that you would expect the person to say otherwise. e.g. '"a little prickle all along her back", "the twittering in her ears".

Clever idea though.