British Comedy Guide

Time and Motion Sketch

Not sure about this one, especially the out. It feels a bit Big Train.

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Dave is on the assembly line bolting fridges together. His boss approaches with another man who is holding a clipboard.

Boss: (OVER THE NOISE) Dave! Dave!

Dave stops bolting and turns to his boss.

Boss: This is the new Time and Motion expert! He's going to be watching you to find any ways to improve your efficiency! Is that okay?

Dave looks at the time and motion man and nods.

Boss: I'll leave you to it!

Dave goes back to his bolting. The time and motion man ticks something on his clipboard.

Cut to Dave polishing a fridge. He looks over his shoulder and the time and motion man is checking something on his clipboard.

Cut to Dave putting a fridge in a box. He looks across and there is the time and motion man, checking something on this clipboard.

Cut to Dave having a sandwich in the canteen. He frowns and looks over his shoulder. There is the time and motion man ticking his clipboard. Dave frowns, but continues with his sandwich.

Cut to Dave at a urinal. He shakes, zips up and turns to find the time and motion man ticking something on his clipboard.

Cut to Dave at home, having dinner. He turns to find the time and motion man ticking something on his clipboard.

Cut to Dave having just finished having sex with his wife. He rolls off and, yes, there's the time and motion man again, ticking away.

Cut to Dave holding his wife's hand as she delivers their first child. The time and motion man checks between her legs and ticks his clipboard.

Cut to Dave on his deathbed. He's surrounded by family. He looks across and the same time and motion man, just as old, is there ticking his clipboard from an adjacent bed.

Cut to heaven. Dave appears at the pearly gates. He turns to find the time and motion man showing the clipboard to St Peter. St Peter checks the clipboard then both St Peter and the time and motion men shake their head at Dave.

Dave drops into a flaming pit.

The alternative 'out' was originally:

Cut to heaven. Dave is at the pearly gates. He turns to find the time and motion man there, ticking off the clipboard.

Dave: Look, will you just go away please?

The time and motion man looks crushed, but walks slowly away, glancing over his shoulder a few times.

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Any thoughts?

Going to stop dumping sketches here for a bit. Feels like I'm hogging.

Good, though I sort of guessed how it was going to pan out (not the ending though).

Two suggestions (what is it with you and your suggestions, I hear you say? Go and write your own stuff!) --- either have the t&m guy be the one to drop into Hell (and maybe St P hands Dave the clipboard and sends him back to Earth) or hsve the T&M guy BE St Peter?

Aaargh! This ending is starting to bug me.

Another ending popped up while I was putting the recycling boxes out. Scrub the pearly gates bit, and here's the Dave Allen ending:

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Dave is an angel sat on a cloud with a harp. He's strumming it and looking serene. He glances across and there, on another cloud, with a clipboard shaped like a harp, is the time and motion guy.

Dave sighs.
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I like the first ending, as it brings some resolution; though when you think about it the third ending is nastier, and therefore funnier, because it doesn't.

Hi Grem,

I like it, but prefer the second ending, it seems more realistic somehow.

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