Posted this in showcase but then saw critique and got confused.
Apologies if I've just taken a metaphorical excretion on the house rules. Anyhow... This is a short film I was involved with that I thought could do with a little screening.
I hope you're happy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HC9PxHwMRl0
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Quote: a series of things @ December 27 2010, 7:19 PM GMTPosted this in showcase but then saw critique and got confused.
Critique is for when you're looking for constructive feedback. Showcase is more to say "hey look what I made". It's all terribly confusing so for now I'll leave it, the thread with the least responses is the one I'll close. Fair?
Absolutely fair
Thanks a lot =)
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This is both original and entertaining.
The 'footballing' scene in the park is just sublime.
Okay, now let me tell you how you can make it much much better with two simple changes (not that you're going to reshoot, of course, but I'll tell you anyway):
1) when the 'nutter' says he inserts a finger into his anus to quell his sexual desires, that's just schoolboy smut and totally out of place in a film of this quality. It's like tossing a cupful of diarrhoea onto a wedding dress. In fact, the interviewer should never have brought up the subject of the guy's sexual feelings. Why not? Because no interviewer in that situation would have done so and this whole film only works if you keep it real.
2) the interviewer should not (and, in real life, WOULD not) have become aggressive and unpleasant while confronting the nutter with his delusions. The results would have been infinitely funnier if the interviewer had been kind and caring during that 'confrontation'.
In contrast to the inappropriateness of the anal reference in point 1, the scatological references at the end of the film are perfectly appropriate and the scatological/vaginal reference is an example of first-class dialogue-writing.
The wrongness of the 'finger in anus' line lies in the fact that it makes the mature, intelligent, adult audience recoil from the nutter and we need, really, to be drawn towards him.
The rightness of the subsequent scatological/anal/vaginal lines lies in the fact that they're perfectly appropriate in the situation and actually INCREASE our sympathy/affection for the nutter.
All in all, though, it's a commendable effort.