Haven't you noticed how most standup comedy is mostly a collection of observations of lifes peculiarities and eccentricities?
So here's some standup observations feel free to add.
Then decide if you'll take a vow of chastity and ignore them, or pilfer them for your routine...
1 Mars bars have veins.
2 Dogs eat poo but their owners don't mind them licking their faces.
3 Pirates are only ok of their 300 years old and not African.
4 You only wear a suit if you're dead or about to lie about something.
5 Maltesers ressemble rabbit shit
6 Why doesn't anybody make sequels from 1980s films
Bit shit but I'm sure you can do better