Love Music

Woman in thirties walks into a small independent music store. The shop is full of Vinyl and CD's.

The Owner is a smooth talking city type, a budding Richard Branson.

Owner: Can I help you Miss?

Customer: I've just got into a relationship & I want music to match my mood, you know?

Knowingly the Owner nods.

Owner:Lemar Love

Owner picks up the CD Lemar Love. Picture of X Factor winner covers the CD.

Customer:What Tracks?

Owner:The Classic, [Sung] "You making me Feel Good"

Customer:No

Owner: George Michael? [Sung] "Come unto me"

Customer nods No

Owner: Elton Johns new album - the track [Sung] "You wear my lions mane, ile wear you"

Customer: No! We're in a Romantic mood..

Owner (Eager to please and sell) Barry White, Love Walrus...

Customer: Used him with my ex...put me off, and I want it to be real this time...

Owner; Susan Boyle's just released an album.. she's fresh to romance. She wrote this album after she began dating her first boyfriend.

Owner picks up Susan Boyle's album as if it's something dirty and revolting. Owner reads the track names.

Owner:First Track is called "Is that it?", 2nd Track "I'd rather Titchmarsh", 3rd "My body stings, you sure we did it right?"

Customer: Perfect - I'le buy it!

The ending is very good. Made me titter.

Cool Otterfox - are you based in London?

I slightly hate myself for saying this, but Lemar wasn't on X Factor...

Fame Academy, innit.

The king of music reality shows.

They wrote their own songs! "Aaaaall that I'm prayin' for is my love finds you like a lullaby.."

Yep, wrote their own songs and played their own instruments! I bloody loved Fame Academy.
(Sorry we've jumped on your thread and started talking about something else. Apologies!)

Ok:0) oops about Xfactor and Lemar.... but is the sketch FUNNY?? If not - why?

Christmas morning is here and I'm in good humour having just watched The Muppets and Michael Caine do 'Scrooge'.

Okay, here's my Christmas gift to you: this is essentially a very funny and clever sketch. The only snag is that you've written it for a fairly dim audience.

Every audience is pretty dim, of course, and jokes often have to to telegraphed, delivered and then explained. However, among some audiences there are intelligent individuals whose needs I, personally, feel should be catered for at the expense of everyone else.

Bollocks to the thick majority. There are enough writers and performers catering to such people's eternal craving for comedic excrement. Good writers should aim higher.

What I'm saying in relation to this sketch is that a bright viewer or reader doesn't need to be told Susan Boyle has just found her first boyfriend. A bright person knows her history and he also knows fame is the greatest aphrodisiac in the world.

Also, no shop owner shows his stock to a customer as if it's something undesirable. Even more importantly, as a quality writer, you shouldn't jump on the scumbags' bandwagon and attempt to deny that Susan Boyle is a very good singer and entirely worthy of her success and popularity.

You can transform this sketch into a shining gem by:

1) making the customer a plainish woman who's just found her first boyfriend

2) deleting all reference to Susan Boyle just finding her her first boyfriend

3) making the shop owner, after a few albums are rejected for being not quite appropriate, keen to show her the new Susan Boyle album

4) changing the track examples to: First track is called "Is that it?", second track "Are you sure we did it right?", third track "I think I'd rather watch Alan Titchmarsh".

Re-written as suggested, it would be worthy of performance on any top-class TV sketch show.

Great Advice! However how can I shoe-horn the track names of Susan Boyle's album if she's not got a boyfriend? Susan Boyle is a confirmed Bachelorette/Virgin.....

Other than that I've made your changes:0)

SKETCH

A plain shy woman in thirties walks into a small independent music store. The shop is full of Vinyl and CD's.

The Owner is a smooth talking city type, a budding Richard Branson.

Owner: Can I help you Miss?

Customer: I got a boyfriend! A boyfriend. I love him.

Knowingly the Owner nods.

Owner: I understand. Lemar Love

Owner picks up the CD Lemar Love. Picture of TV Talent show winner is crooning on the CD cover.

Customer:What Tracks?

Owner:The Classic, [Sung] "You making me Feel Good"

Customer:No

Owner: George Michael? [Sung] "Come unto me"

Customer nods No

Owner: Elton Johns new album - the track [Sung] "You wear my lions mane, ile wear you"

Customer: No! It's Romance...

Owner (Eager to please and sell) Barry White, Love Walrus...

Customer: Rude!

Owner; Ah - just the thing. Susan Boyle.. She just released her new album.

Owner:First Track is called "Is that it?", 2nd Track "I'd rather Titchmarsh", 3rd "My body stings, you sure we did it right?"

Customer: Perfect - I'le buy it!

Quote: Vroomboo @ December 25 2010, 11:58 AM GMT

Great Advice! However how can I shoe-horn the track names of Susan Boyle's album if she's not got a boyfriend?

View original

The sketch is based upon the idea that she has, since her rise to fame, received an unprecedented amount of male attention and has therefore been able to try sex after years of celibacy.

Whether or not she's actually had sex now (or was a virgin before her fame) doesn't really matter. The audience knows that a sudden and speedy transition from relative innocence to considerable sexual experience is often the result of new-found fame.

P.S. In my recommended version, the owner's last line should be:

Owner: First Track is called "Is that it?", second Track "Are you sure we did it right?", third Track "I think I'd rather watch Alan Titchmarsh".

I think Veronica's last line is fab and much funnier......because it's Susan Boyle

Sorry, but I don't get this. What's funny about a woman wanting to buy an album full of awkwardly titled Susan Boyle songs? I don't see how it relates to the woman trying to buy the album. Also, there's no attempts at laughs til the last line. Maybe a spoof advert revealing awkwardly titled Susan Boyle songs would be a better route to take - if a bit old hat.

Quote: Ben @ December 25 2010, 1:49 PM GMT

Sorry, but I don't get this. What's funny about a woman wanting to buy an album full of awkwardly titled Susan Boyle songs? I don't see how it relates to the woman trying to buy the album. Also, there's no attempts at laughs til the last line. Maybe a spoof advert revealing awkwardly titled Susan Boyle songs would be a better route to take - if a bit old hat.

View original

This sketch is funny in many ways and at many levels: it will appeal to several sets of people in our society.

Ben's failure to get it might be due to one or more of many factors but the fact is one could take almost any of the great sketches in the history of comedy and there are thousands upon thousands of people who didn't get it (even after it was explained to them) or who got it but didn't think it was funny.

Humour is a very subjective thing. There are a number of people on BCG who are both highly intelligent and highly knowledgeable about comedy. It always makes me smile when I see two such people disagreeing about a particular comedic work, one hailing it as 'brilliant' while the other denounces it as 'rubbish'. It's a valuable lesson in the sometimes complete unimportance of negative feedback - particularly in the form of 'I didn't think it funny'.

This sketch is one of the best I've seen on BCG. It's funny from start to finish and if it were broadcast on TV, millions would think it was great. If, in addition to those millions, millions of others didn't get it (unlikely!), who cares? Hopefully, they'd get the next one.