Removed by author. 
When Jan Got Pregnant
Excellent
Scans well, has some lovely rhymes & it's funny
That's great, are you planning on performing it Veronica? Do you play any instruments?
Lovely stuff Veronica, particularly the penultimate verse.
Ditto G Mc. HAPPY CHISTMAS
Hey VV, actually it don't scan well as written, but as a performance piece.. don't know. Why not record it and stick it up... or if you want some critique on it as is I'll chip in? But understand if not. I am talking about rhythm not content.
Quote: Marc P @ December 17 2010, 10:13 PM GMTWhy not stick it up...I'll chip in. I am talking about rhythm not content.
You old romatic. 
Thanks, Guys and Gal.
It's very much a performance piece so it's really just a matter of fitting the spoken words to the beat. It does scan quite well (in performance) once you have the dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum going in your head.
I do play a bit of music but I won't bore you with my musical cv.
That's the thing though
In performance you can dictate the rythym
So it scanned well for me.
And that's not always the case with some of the things I've read.
Which is a shame as it can ruin a funny song if you don't get that part right.
Off the top of my head, a great example of syllable compression is "You didn't know it, you didn't think it could be done" that Bob Dylan sings as DUM-dee-DUM-dee-DUM-dee-DUM.
Thirteen syllables compressed into the space allotted to seven.
Horrible on paper.
Brilliant in performance.
BCG celeb-spotters will be disappointed, however, to learn that I am not Bob in real life.