Knocked this one out quickly. More visual humour than funny lines so try and see it in your minds eye!. All comments, recommendations are welcome.
INT. SLIGHTLY DATED LIVING ROOM - EVENING
50 YEAR OLD FRUMPY MUM IS SAT ON THE SOFA WITH 30 YEAR OLD DAVID. EMMERDALE FARM IS JUST FINISHING ON TV. BOTH ARE HEARTILY SINGING THE CLOSING MUSIC AS DAVID IS SAT ON THE EDGE OF THE SOFA, GLANCING AT HIS WATCH, OBVIOUSLY WAITING FOR THE PROGRAM TO STOP.
DAVID (GETTING UP)
Right Mum, best be off. Jim, Gav and Tesser will be waiting for me.
MUM (WORRIED)
Do you have to go David? The weather forecast isn't very good. It said it might snow. Make sure you get wrapped up well.
DAVID
I'll be fine Mum.
MUM (FIXING DAVID'S COLLAR AND BRUSHING HIS HAIR WITH HER FINGERS THEN PLACING HIS ARMS DOWN BY HIS SIDES AND LIFTING HIS CHIN UP AS IF HE WAS ON PARADE)
Best be safe dear. Can't have Mummy's little soldier getting cold now can we.
DAVID (RESIGNED)
No mum.
CUT TO: CLOSE UP OF MUMS FACE. DEMONIC MUSIC PLAYS AS HER FACE CONTORTS. PICTURE CHANGES FROM COLOUR TO BLACK AND WHITE.
MUM (SHOUTING DEMONICALLY)
That's no Mummy sir!
CUT TO DAVID LOOKING UP TO CAMERA AS THE CAMERA PULLS BACK UPWARDS (AS IF WE ARE LOOKING DOWN FROM MUM'S PERSPECTIVE MAKING DAVID SEEM LIKE A 6 YEAR OLD BOY). DAVID STRAINS TO STAND TO ATTENTION.
DAVID (SHOUTING IN A YOUNGER HALF-CRYING VOICE)
No Sir, Mummy Sir!
MUM (STILL DEMONIC - MUSIC STILL PLAYING)
That's better. Let's get you sorted.
CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - EVENING. STILL IN BLACK AND WHITE. AN IRONING BOARD HAS BEEN PLACED ACROSS THE CLOAKROOM. A SHEET WITH 'QUARTERMASTER' NEWLEY PAINTED IN BLACK ON IT IS HUNG OVER IT. DAVID IS STOOD IN FRONT WITH HIS ARMS OUTSTRETCHED, BLACK PAINT ON HIS HANDS. MUM IS ON THE INSIDE OF THE CLOAKROOM PILING VARIOUS HATS, COATS AND SCARVES ONTO DAVID'S ARMS.
FADE TO: HALLWAY BY THE FRONT DOOR - EVENING. BACK TO COLOUR PICTURE. MUM IS BACK TO NORMAL. DAVID IS STOOD FORELORNLY WEARING FULL OUTDOOR SURVIVAL GEAR INCLUDING A LARGE FUR TRAPPER'S HAT.
MUM
There you go now David, naughty Mister Weather can't get you now. Don't keep Jim and the others waiting.
CUT TO: DAVID'S BEDROOM. DAVID IS IN HIS FULL OUTDOOR GEAR SAT IN FRONT OF A TV . A 4 PLAYER CALL OF DUTY TYPE GAME IS ON THE TV WITH A QUARTER OF THE SCREEN BLANK. THE OTHER 3 QUARTERS HAVE DIFFERENT BATTLE SCENCES WITH PLAYER LOGINS SHOWING 'JIM1985',GAV-DESTROYER23 and TESSERBLAST2112. DAVID TAKES OF HIS HAT, PUTS ON A HEADSET AND PICKS UP A CONTROLLER. THE REMAINING QUARTER OF THE SCREEN COMES ACTIVE SHOWING 'DAVIDJEDI444' .
DAVID (PLAYING VIGOROUSLY) Sorry I'm late guys (LOOKS AT BLACK PAINT ON HAND WHILST PAUSING FIRING) Mum's not well again (CONTINUES FIRING).
END.
