Quote: don rushmore @ December 11 2010, 5:48 PM GMTI think - if you really pushed yourself - you'd have a decent chance of being successful.
Agreed.
Too Much Monkey Business Page 2
I'm pro anything that makes fun of The Now Show.
Lines I think should be cut:
MONKEY 1:
To be honest I'm finding it hard to concentrate with all the noise in here. And the smell isn't helping either.
MONKEY 3:
That's what I've been saying, it stinks in here if they're expecting one of us to duplicate the complete works of the great Bard himself then at least have the decency to open a window or two.
And:
MONKEY 1:
This is ridiculous, I mean why are they making us do this anyway? I thought they always say you're supposed to write what you know. And the one thing about Monkeys is we don't tend to know much about Shakespeare.
MONKEY 3:
It is very puzzling I'll give you that! Although that's not why I'm scratching my head.
MONKEY 1:
They probably just want to make a point of some kind I suppose.
Great sketch though. Better for radio than TV. Especially liked the infinity divided by infinity equals one bit.
Cheers all.
Some very useful feedback indeed.
Quote: don rushmore @ December 11 2010, 5:48 PM GMTThis is poor, compared with some of your other stuff; '3 Musketeers' is my second favourite sketch of the year.
I thought it was your favourite. I'm quite hurt now 
The Musketeer one felt finished at the first attempt, whereas this one seems to suffer from me trying to shoehorn too much in without being clear about what exactly what I'm trying to do.
Quote: don rushmore @ December 11 2010, 5:48 PM GMTAre you making any real effort to break into professional comedy writing, Steve - or are you happy for it to remain a hobby?
I think - if you really pushed yourself - you'd have a decent chance of being successful.
Thankyou Don
It's always been a hobby but since I've been on the BCG I've been much more aware of the opportunities that are around & I am trying to push myself a bit harder or at least take it a bit more seriously.
Will definitely take the suggestion from Badge & others to try to rewrite it as a radio sketch.
I have no idea what the first line should be to set the scene though.
MAN: Well you know what they say. An infinite amount of monkeys...
HARP DREAM SFX
MONKEY 1: I'm having a bit of trouble with the ending of Romeo & Juliet...
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ December 11 2010, 6:14 PM GMTWill definitely take the suggestion from Badge & others to try to rewrite it as a radio sketch.
I have no idea what the first line should be to set the scene though.
F/X: MONKEY NOISES. TYPING ON TYPEWRITERS.
MONKEY 1:
I'm having a bit of trouble with the ending of Romeo & Juliet, my Head says happy ending, but my heart says double suicide.
Etc...
Should be fine. The audience will know what the situation is.
Good suggestions guys
Cheers.
Or something like,
MONKEY LINE MANAGER:
Nope, no. You've called him Romeot here, see.
MONKEY 1: Oh, damn.
MONKEY MANAGER: Keep going.
Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ December 11 2010, 6:19 PM GMTF/X: MONKEY NOISES. TYPING ON TYPEWRITERS.
MONKEY 1:
I'm having a bit of trouble with the ending of Romeo & Juliet, my Head says happy ending, but my heart says double suicide.Etc...
Should be fine. The audience will know what the situation is.
That's it. Neat and tidy way in and a gag to boot.
Quote: chipolata @ December 11 2010, 12:13 AM GMTThere's a very good sketch in here struggling to get out. Great idea, but too unfocussed and rambling and not enough killer lines. Weak end too. Sharpen and pith up and it'll work much better.
I'd back this opinion.
Steve,
Please be very careful about editing this sketch.
My opinions are often at odds with those shared by many BCG members and it seems 'trim it substantially, insert more jokes and write it for radio' might sum up the majority view here.
I couldn't disagree more.
Do ANY of those three and you'll kill it stone dead, imo.
Simply change your last line for the one I suggested and, arguably, it doesn't need more than a flick with a duster after that.
Quote: Veronica Vestibule @ December 12 2010, 2:13 PM GMTwrite it for radio' might sum up the majority view here.
I couldn't disagree more.
How do you propose to do it on TV, VV? Animation?
Quote: Ben @ December 12 2010, 3:25 PM GMTHow do you propose to do it on TV, VV? Animation?
You idiot, Ben! Use real monkeys.
I guess those PG Tips chimps are just sitting around...
It could work perfectly well on TV. You don't need to show an infinite number of monkeys - for example, the handful who appear in the sketch could be in a side room as they take their break.
I think it would work best on radio, but horses for courses.
You know what, Ben?
You wouldn't have to show a single monkey (other than the speaking cast) but there are various other ways it could be done.
I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem for a TV company wanting to produce this sketch.