Bedroom Sketch

Do you think this is too simple? Need a twist? Could I bail out earlier?

Int. Bedroom

Roger and Susie - a middle aged couple - are cavorting in the bed. The door opens and in walks Tony - a younger man.

Tony:
Mum!

Roger and Susie stop cavorting and cover themselves up.

Tony:
What's going on?!

Susie:
Look, Tony, I can explain.

Tony:
Explain? Explain?! We buried Dad yesterday and you're already in bed with his brother!

Susie:
I know it seems wrong, but think about it. It's what your father almost certainly probably definitely with only a small shadow of a doubt, on a good day, when he wasn't in one of his moods - and when Spurs had won and he was drunk - would have wanted.

Tony looks shocked at what he's heard and then suddenly looks in agreement.

Tony:
Well, now you put it like that, then, yeah, yeah! He was always good like that, wasn't he?! Oh, I do miss him!

Susie: We all do, Tony. We all do. Now, could you...

Susie signals for Tony to leave the room.

Tony:
Oh yeah! (LAUGHS) Sorry! I'll leave you two to it!

Tony leaves. Roger and Susie start cavorting again.

ENDS

I think many people would agree that Susie's dialogue:

Quote: Ben @ December 7 2010, 7:40 PM GMT

Susie:
I know it seems wrong, but think about it. It's what your father almost certainly probably definitely with only a small shadow of a doubt, on a good day, when he wasn't in one of his moods - and when Spurs had won and he was drunk - would have wanted.

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is unnatural. Nobody in her situation would ever say that.

In the same vein, Tony's acceptance of her comical excuse is equally unnatural.

That's not necessarily a bad thing but, having introduced that much surreality into the sketch, you need an appropriately unlikely finish.

Perhaps a herd of wildebeest could stampede out of the wardrobe and trample the lovers to death?

I like the idea but how about if Susie says it's what your dad would have wanted, Tony disagrees so then Susie comes up with a situation where he plausibly would have wanted it? Tony agrees then head straight for the out. This version still made me smile though.

Ok, thanks, people! Wildebeest would be impossible to film unfortunately, Veronica!

Good idea, Scratchy. Not sure how to make sleeping with your sister in law plausible though. Have you any experience that I could integrate in, Scratchy?

That seems a bit out of date to me, V. I think maybe this sketch doesn't have enough punch to fly. I shall move onwards.

What's this? The incredible shrinking thread?

The bit of dialogue that didn't work for me was when Tony says ...'his brother'. Uncle Roger would be more appropriate. The rest of the sketch would work well with good performances I think.

Quote: Badge @ December 7 2010, 10:19 PM GMT

What's this? The incredible shrinking thread?

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I get too involved in these things, Badge.

Some threads are better off without my creative input.

My own threads, mainly!

I'd agree with the first question you asked. IMHO it's too simple an idea to be a sketch, it needs another twist.

What tweaks I can suggest is make the son enter dressed in his funeral suit holding a tray of vol-au-vents (I Googled the spelling!). As if the wake is being held downstairs. Maybe adds a bit more inappropriateness to it all. Plus, a tray of snacks is a great prop.

Close the door tony, and uh, leave the snacks.

The reasoning used in the first instance works well enough for the sketch imho. I just think Susie being more forced to think of it would add something, if you know what I mean.

Bring Tony back in saying Dad was more doggie style?

Quote: Badge @ December 7 2010, 10:37 PM GMT

Bring Tony back in saying Dad was more doggie style?

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