British Comedy Guide

Richard Dawkins 1

A sketchlet, any development ideas really appreciated.

TELVISION READER: Now on 4, Professor Richard Dawkins attacks the mysticism and falseness of a ceremony present in everyone's lives - the birthday party.

RICHARD DAWKINS SEEN TRAMPLING THROUGH A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY, POPPING BALLOONS. HE TREADS ON SOME CAKE, PUSHES A MAGICIAN THROUGH A WINDOW AND KICKS OVER THE STEREO.

RD: There are no fairies at the bottom of the garden! None!

CHILDREN: (CRYING)

Very good but you don't need so much intro it makes the punch to predictable

I like this, feels like a good Viz cartoon. I agree with Sooty here though, you don't need the intro bit IMHO. Could be a nice running gag. Around this time of year, a good one could be Dawkins as Father Christmas, leaving all the children crying in the grotto.

Dressing as a Santa in a grotto and punching kids.

Shooting Carole singers with a double barrelled shotgun.

It's nicely written but it doesn't make sense. Why would Dawkins attack the notion of the birthday party? Perhaps you could re-write it around the tooth fairy.

Actually good point Godot, lots of other pseudo religious events such as Christenings, weddings etc

except the sheer irrationality appeals

so I approve of this sketch

> RD: There are no fairies at the bottom of the garden! None!

He's a scientist, is he not, and scientists never say never (or none), they always leave a last possibility open.

RD: There is no more than a 0.0000001% probability that there are fairies at the bottom of the garden.. So There!

Would you mean if I wrote a riff on this?

Quote: billwill @ December 5 2010, 2:20 PM GMT

> RD: There are no fairies at the bottom of the garden! None!

He's a scientist, is he not, and scientists never say never (or none), they always leave a last possibility open.

RD: There is no more than a 0.0000001% probability that there are fairies at the bottom of the garden.. So There!

Like the suggestion, might have rewrite that.

Ishy and Sootyj, yes, I think the intro is un-necessary or unfitting. Did you mean you want to write a riff on this?

Godot, I don't know why I thought he'd attack birthday parties, but birthdays in a way, are kind of irrational. Why celebrate the day somebody got ejected from a warm, comfortable womb? Tooth fairies does sound like it has good potential though.

Quote: billwill @ December 5 2010, 2:20 PM GMT

He's a scientist, is he not, and scientists never say never (or none), they always leave a last possibility open.

You are obviously unfamiliar with Dawkins writings.

Godot speaks sense.

Quote: BardManners @ December 5 2010, 6:28 PM GMT

I don't know why I thought he'd attack birthday parties

Well you had a magician there, and that would be just the sort of thing he'd be dead against.

Yeah he appeared (in a puff of smoke) after I first wrote it. I might work on a tooth fairy sketch now.

Quote: Timbo @ December 5 2010, 10:58 PM GMT

You are obviously unfamiliar with Dawkins writings.

In The God Delusion (what a boring tome) he writes (I'm paraphrasing) that although celestial teapots and tooth fairies are almost certainly bogus "we can never absolutely disprove the non-existence of anything". The dullness of the book (forever stating the obvious) sadly isn't improved by listening to Lalla Ward read various passages in the audio version.

Quote: Nogget @ December 6 2010, 7:50 PM GMT

Well you had a magician there, and that would be just the sort of thing he'd be dead against.

He's fond of Penn and Teller. But I like the idea of Dawkins attacking a birthday party. Funny because it's silly and illogical. Like having him attack Ziggy Stardust or instant coffee.

RICHARD DAWKINS 2

A LITTLE GIRL IS SEEN EATING AN APPLE IN A BEAUTIFUL RUSTIC KITCHEN. HER MOTHER IS STANDING WASHING DISHES.

LITTLE GIRL: Ow!

MOTHER: What is it?

LITTLE GIRL: One of teeth Mummy! It's come out! I'm scared.

MOTHER: Don't worry. It's just that you're growing up.

LITTLE GIRL: Huh?

MOTHER: Each of your teeth is only temporary. As your dential lamina develops you lose your deciduous teeth.

LITTLE GIRL: Wow like leaves!

MOTHER: And if you put your teeth under your pillow when you go to sleep, something strange will happen. When you wake up...

THE MOTHER'S EYE IS DISTRACTED BY A DARK SHADOW AT THE END OF THE GARDEN. A CRACKED GARDEN GNOME GRINS MALEVOLENTLY. THE SWING IN THE TREE BEGINS TO SWAY. ON THE KITCHEN TABLE, "THE GOD DELUSION," BLOWS OPEN.

LITTLE GIRL: Yes mummy?

MOTHER: Nothing happens. Nothing. There are no fairies at the bottom of the garden.

LITTLE GIRL: Well that's a bit shit then.

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