Script for my debut gig

In two weeks time I have a 2min slot at my local pub's comedy night.
I am starting to get scared, realizing It's not just 'what' you say but 'how' you say it. My friends reckon that my strong eastern European accent will get me through (They think it is funny). I don't think it shows up too much in my writing as I use a dictionary...a lot. Wish me luck, here goes.

Went to a funeral the other day, it was very boring, I want something better.
So I went to see my friend Sampson. He is the chief of our local tribe of Gypsies
affectionately known as 'The-do-as-you-likeys'
Rumour has it, they have disposed of dead bodies before.
Sampson suggested two options.
One.. For £40 (cash) I would be placed in the passenger seat of a stolen pick-up
truck. A mourner would skid the truck around some waste ground, then burn it out, with me still in it. Very Viking I thought, liked the flamey bit but too expensive

Two....For £14.99 I would be stuffed into an old refrigerator and fly-tipped at a local beauty-spot.
I spit into my palm and held out my hand for Sampson to shake,and thanked him most sincerely.
I can now die a happy man. Unless of course I am tortured to death by a psycho

Please don't take this too harshly but, Jerf, can you highlight the bits in that script where you are expecting the audience to laugh? Because I'm struggling to see them.

Perhaps, as you suggest at the beginning, it will all be in the delivery.

I'm with Tony on this one. You need to understand where the laughs are, so you can decide whether there are enough.

Also, 2 minutes isn't enough IMO- 5 minutes is better if you can ask them for that. Really if your set is only 2 minutes long, you're starting before you've warmed up.

Come to this here thread for excellent advice on writing your first set:

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/18267/

Quote: Tony Cowards @ November 30 2010, 12:23 PM GMT

Please don't take this too harshly but, Jerf, can you highlight the bits in that script where you are expecting the audience to laugh? Because I'm struggling to see them.

Perhaps, as you suggest at the beginning, it will all be in the delivery.

View original

Tony,

I have a horrible feeling that, as part of your quest for enlightenment, you might at some time have written to Marjorie Dawes, asking her to explain why anyone attends her 'fat fighter' meetings.

Please tell me I'm wrong.

Quote: Nat Wicks @ November 30 2010, 12:42 PM GMT

I'm with Tony on this one. You need to understand where the laughs are, so you can decide whether there are enough.

Also, 2 minutes isn't enough IMO- 5 minutes is better if you can ask them for that. Really if your set is only 2 minutes long, you're starting before you've warmed up.

Come to this here thread for excellent advice on writing your first set:

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/18267/

View original

Oh, Nat, Nat Nat.

You watched Tony fall down the manhole and immediately jumped in after him.

Behave Ronnie- Tony's absolutely right here, the punch lines aren't easy to spot. And highlighting your expected laugh lines is a very common excercise when structuring standup material.

Oh also, by my reckoning that's about one minute there, so would be interested in seeing how it was performed.

Quote: Veronica Vestibule @ November 30 2010, 12:46 PM GMT

Oh, Nat, Nat Nat.

You watched Tony fall down the manhole and immediately jumped in after him.

View original

I see no man hole. Only perfectly valid opinions. Stop being so contrarian!

Jerf, I am with Tony and Nat here (bloody hell Veroniroodeye the Merciless - it's getting crowded down this manhole).

I'm afraid that it is just not funny.

I was really hoping no one was going to fall for this thread.

Have we been lambasted?

Quote: Nat Wicks @ November 30 2010, 1:24 PM GMT

Have we been lambasted?

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You might want to double check the meaning of that word.

Hahah, I didn't even mean to say that, I meant lampooned! I shouldn't watch TV and type at the same time.

Quote: David Bussell @ November 30 2010, 1:18 PM GMT

I was really hoping no one was going to fall for this thread.

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The trouble is Mr Bussell, as you probably know yourself, that this is exactly the sort of "routine" that you could easily see at an open mic show, especially in London.

The trouble with a satirical spoof is that it needs to be sufficiently removed from reality to be an exaggeration where as this, to an old cynic like me anyway, was all too plausible!

That's my excuse anyway.

Quote: Tony Cowards @ November 30 2010, 1:52 PM GMT

...especially in London.

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I've heard people say that before. Are regional open mics really all that different?

Quote: David Bussell @ November 30 2010, 1:56 PM GMT

I've heard people say that before. Are regional open mics really all that different?

View original

In my personal opinion, yes, because open mics on at regional gigs are generally on with professional acts and so learn quickly (the sink or swim principle combined with them upping their game to live with good acts) because they get "proper" feedback from an audience, where as in London the whole show will often be a succession of open spots and most of the audience will be other opens spots or their mates and the feedback will, IMHO, often be too supportive and full of backslapping.

Quite often I see acts who've done the London open mic circuit for a while, and to a reasonable level of success, go "out of town" and then not understand why the audience have not laughed at them, this is, at least partly, due to them generally only entertaining other comedians in London, rather than normal people.

That's my theory anyway, which could, of course, be absolutely cobblers.

I've only seen a couple of open mic style nights in London but I was distinctly shocked with the overall standard. Not saying they were all shit, but certainly the majority were. Or had some sort of mental health problem. A lot more mentals on the London circuit by the looks of it.

"Expert textpert choking smokers . . . "