Hello there
Cartoon I'm working on at the moment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUxfZB1Rmh0 . Haven't drawn in the backgrounds yet. Any thoughts on it regarding anything (script, whether or not it's funny, look, animation, sound, acting, etc) before I make the final version would be great.
Best wishes
Yac W.
Liked the last line 
Thats really cool animation, what did you use for that Flash?
I think it could do with a few more jokes I don't mind helping if you want.
Oh and only a little criticism I think maybe use a different voice for the newsreader?
Thanks Juan
Yep, animated on Flash.
Have just noticed I could easily trim 10 seconds off this cartoon. That should increase the joke density of the piece a little. Thanks for offering extra jokes but I'd prefer to stick to animating my own stuff at the mo.
Will see what other people think regarding the Newsreader voice before doing anything. Problem is redoing the voice means redoing the lip-sync, which takes a while and is not fun. However, if the newsreader voice is generally disliked I'll change it.
The script didn't work for me, Yacob.
Even in a big, silly cartoon world a sketch/gag should contain (at least) a small element of credibility.
This doesn't.
An adult (with a responsible job) confusing the sun for a UFO? Sorry, I just don't buy into that.
Dang. Hope the next time I make something I hit the mark script-wise with you, DR. Although I am a big fan of the big and silly with zero credibility in it.
I really like the art and animation. The script and voice acting is well done, although the script isn't funny. But it's still well made, if that makes any sense?
I somewhat agree with Don's point. Maybe it would be more credible if you leaned it towards the reporter wanting to be fired?
I like the ticker along the bottom, it added a rewatch value that can be rare in these types of YouTube videos.
Voices are fine, but it's rather long for one (silly) idea. Having said that the ticker is great and makes it worth repeat viewing, and if it was shorter you'd lose some of the funnies in that. My favourite: "Set-up, punchline".
Thanks Leevil -- Hmm. I'm not totally convinced about trying to give the reporter credibility. To me the logic is as simple as: it's a cartoon, he's an idiot, that's fine. I'm not big on the ol' credibility. There was a line I cut which was along the lines of "I always took my parents' advice and never looked at the sun. So is that what it looks like - a bright... yellow... sunny thing?" Possibly that adds a bit of explanation if I put it back in?
Thanks Badge -- Will definitely give it a bit of a trimming. Can always speed up the ticker.
Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ December 1 2010, 4:51 PM GMTThanks Leevil -- Hmm. I'm not totally convinced about trying to give the reporter credibility. To me the logic is as simple as: it's a cartoon, he's an idiot, that's fine. I'm not big on the ol' credibility. There was a line I cut which was along the lines of "I always took my parents' advice and never looked at the sun. So is that what it looks like - a bright... yellow... sunny thing?" Possibly that adds a bit of explanation if I put it back in?
I understand where you're coming from. Maybe you should add that line back in to help the viewers though? The point I was trying to make, along with Don is I think we need to be able to relate to the incidents on screen otherwise it just appears random and unconnected to anything relevant and therefore interesting.
If ya get me!
I dig. When I do the next edit I'll probably stick that line back in and see if peeps think there's an improvement.
Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ December 1 2010, 4:24 PM GMTDang. Hope the next time I make something I hit the mark script-wise with you, DR. Although I am a big fan of the big and silly with zero credibility in it.
Ah, for me, credibility is vital - even in a cartoon. Can be as low as 1% but never zero.
Your 'Bungee Jump' sketch works because the gag - bloke jumping at the wrong time - is plausible. I can imagine that happening. Just.
The payoff here, is too far-fetched: it breaks (not bends) any required suspension of disbelief.