Last night in the bunker

NAZI GERMANY IS CRUMBLING BEFORE HIS EYES AND SO HITLER DECIDES TO SPEND HIS LAST NIGHT WITH HIMMLER AND GOEBBELS IN THE BUNKER TRYING THINGS WITH HIS CLOSE MILITARY LEADERS THAT COULD ONLY BE TRIED IN SOMEONE'S FINAL HOURS.

Hitler: Right. As you all know Nazi Germany is slowly being taken over by zee allies. Zerefore I vould like to propose zat ve try somezing zat has been on mein to-do liszt for a vile now.

Himmler/Geobbels: Yes mein Fuhrer.

Hitler: Right let's get to it zen. Himmler, if you vould be so kind as to pass me zat box of live grenadens.

HIMMLER CAUTIOUSLY HANDS OVER A SMALL BOX AND HITLER REVEALS THAT INSIDE THERE ARE 6 MEDIUM-SIZED GRENADES.

Hitler: Right. There is no easy vay to say zis but ve are going to have a little experiment. You have all heard of 'fetishes' I presume?

Himmler: I beg your pardon?

Hitler: Well. Himmler you tell me somezing. If I vere to pull zis pin out of zee grenaden, how many seconds vould I get before zee ka-boom?

Himmler: Precisely 7 mein Fuhrer. But you are not going to pull it?

Hitler: Vell. Mein proposition to you today is zat vun of you takes zis particular grenaden... pulls zee pin out...

HIMMLER LOOKS AT GOEBBELS AND THEY EXCHANGE A LOOK OF DISBELIEF AND FEAR.

Hitler: ...and zen I vill be over here and it is your job, Goebbels, to schtick zat grenaden into mein auschwitz.

Geobbels: ...In your bum, Fuhrer?

Hitler: Yes. Zee intensity of knowing I have a time limit before a certain death vill make me reach a climax unknown to mankind.

GEOBBELS EYES DART TOWARDS THE DOOR.

Hitler: Its locked.

GEOBBELS NOW HAS A LOOK OF EXTREME FEAR ON HIS FACE.

Geobbels: Zis is proposterous.

Himmler: Mein Fuhrer, where vill I be in all of zis?

Hitler: Oh, sorry I did not explain myself. You are next.

Himmler: WHAT?

Hitler: Vee vill not be stopping zis until one of us is eliminated. And zee vinner vill get...

HITLER LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM QUICKLY

Hitler: ...zis pen!

Doesn't this get a bit dull after a while?

This is by far the best thing you've ever written, Juan, but I don't understand the rules of the game. I'm also not sure that the last word (pen) is correct. Did you mean 'pin'?

It's exceptionally good right up to the last few lines when I became unsure how the game would be played out and how the winner would be decided.

Please explain the rules more fully.

As I understand it, Himmler pulls the pin and sticks the grenade up Adolf's bum then Adolf has an orgasm then does the grenade go off? Or does Himmler replace the pin? Or what?

And then what?

Oh sorry, they have to then chuck the grenade somewhere I don't really know I sort of rushed the ending! Are you being serious or joking though?

I have no idea what is going on here, and I do not necessarily mean in the sketch.

This sketch needs an ending but, from start to very near the finish, it's very good indeed. Easily one of the best I've read on BCG or any other forum.

You've already had someone posting an absolutely massive notice on your Stephen Hawking sketch thread telling everyone to ignore the thread in order to make it sink to the bottom of the pile - so you know what you're up against. And all the good people of BCG know too.

You're a very talented comedy writer. Don't be put off by such appalling tactics.

Just a technical point, but you don't seem to know how a grenade works.

The infamous PIN, is a safety pin which holds the trigger lever against the body of the grenade.

To use it you pull out the pin, but hold the lever down yourself. When you throw the grenade, the lever is not then held and springs outwards, igniting the delay fuze. & the grenade then explodes at that set time afterwards.

Quote: billwill @ November 19 2010, 1:35 AM GMT

Just a technical point, but you don't seem to know how a grenade works.

The infamous PIN, is a safety pin which holds the trigger lever against the body of the grenade.

To use it you pull out the pin, but hold the lever down yourself. When you throw the grenade, the lever is not then held and springs outwards, igniting the delay fuze. & the grenade then explodes at that set time afterwards.

View original

I didn't know that.

I've said it before, I'm not keen on Hitler jokes, but I actually quite liked this. I'm not sure you need to write in a German accent, can some more experienced writers confirm please? I found it a bit distracting.

But I did chuckle at Hitler scrabbling round looking for a prize and offering a pen. 'into mein auschwitz' was LOL.

However, the logic flaw Bill exposed with the grenade needs to be addressed, and that's exactly the reason people should post in critique, there's a wealth of knowledge and experience on here!

Regardless of how the grenade works it was going into his arse when the fuse was lit or whatever..

I wouldn't question Hitler's military experiece at all Im sure he knows how to work a grenade

I admire your tenacity, and whilst we might not always agree on this forum, it is good manners to thank those that have taken the time to critique our work.

But why of course that goes without saying, thanks very much for the feedback everyone, both positive and negative. I didn't mean to be rude Angie

I liked the funny premise.
Although I did agree that Pin might be funnier than pen.

Thanks Steve, then yeah I will change it to that

These aren't particularly going anywhere just things I make up in class haha.

Hold up!

Was 'pen' meant to be 'pin'? See, I told you not to write in German!

I still think the pen line was funny, but now it's the pin....I'm even more confused. Try it again without the German accent and I'll read it in the morning when I'm sober.