Just Another Sketch Show

Here are some sketches I came up with and looking for aproval for:

Two men are in a gym using rowing machines. Another man smoking a cigerate comes along and goes on the machine next to them, which has an outboard motor attached.

Camera shows a university student who says to the camera "I'm taking science classes, and I hope that upon graduation, I could make tecnological advances or discoveries that could benifit mankind." Camera cuts to a second student who says "I'm doing social studies, and upon graduation, I would like to be able to help our society in a way that makes the world a better place. Camera then cut to a third student that says "I'm working on a degree in politics,...Could you repeat the question?"

And last, but not least, an idea I had for a 3 minitue sketch, for which I would probably need to meet a writing partner to help me flesh out. A woman goes into a chemist's and calmly asks for condoms and other embarassing stuff, while the chemist behind the counter is embaressed and nervous about serving her this stuff.

So do you think?

The first one works very nicely

Second one is a little bit of a cliche

Why not write them out more fully?

Hi,

I like the idea of the guys in the gym, it's a good visual gag.

I've a feeling I've seen a similar sstudent ketch somewhere.

I'm not sure what the point is of the third idea, women have been buying condoms for years.

Quote: sootyj @ November 14 2010, 7:17 PM GMT

The first one works very nicely

Second one is a little bit of a cliche

Why not write them out more fully?

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Well you see, the first two are quickies, which is sort of my speciality,, but I feel that I should get a writing partner to help me flesh out the ideas I have for 3 minute sketches, like the third one. Hope that answers you question, sorry if it dosen't

Lots of these quickies if they're prop heavy would be expensive to film

Why not wrong a long and get on with it? The dialogue isn't so hard and it's the same principle of take a big idea and run with it.

Quote: AngieBaby @ November 14 2010, 7:18 PM GMT

Hi,

I like the idea of the guys in the gym, it's a good visual gag.

I've a feeling I've seen a similar sstudent ketch somewhere.

I'm not sure what the point is of the third idea, women have been buying condoms for years.

View original

The idea is that it's surpossed to be a role reversal, where the chemist is nervous about selling the condoms, and any other items the customer asks for, when it should be the customerthat's nervous about buying them. You see?

Quote: sootyj @ November 14 2010, 7:27 PM GMT

Lots of these quickies if they're prop heavy would be expensive to film

Why not wrong a long and get on with it? The dialogue isn't so hard and it's the same principle of take a big idea and run with it.

View original

Sure, I guess. Though what I mean is probably get a writing partner to help make sure that it is still funny from start to finish, and come up with additional jokes for the sketch.

Well you need something for them to work on.

Have a go post it in critique and there's a bunch of us who'll help with the dialogue.

But you need to make the first drafts yourself.

View us as a community of writing partners(ooh er)

OK, here goes:

Setting: a Chemist's

A chemist is behind the counter reading a magazine, and a woman walks into the shop and goes up to the counter.

Woman: (calm tone) Excuse me, but could you help me?

Chemist: (looking up from desk,Nervous tone to voice) Err, yes, I think I can. So, err, w-what can I get you madam?

Woman: I'ld like some asprin, and a packet of condoms please.

Chemist: (nomal volume) Asprin! No problem! (nervously under voice) and, err, some condoms, was it madam?

Woman: (still calm) Yes that's right. Now with the condoms, I don't know if I should have PLEASE INSERT TWO BRANDS OF CONDOM IN HERE. I don't know, what do you suggest

Chemist: Anananany wwwould bbbbe fine, jjjust have whatever (puts asprin and condoms in bag, hands them to woman) would there be anything else madam?.......

That is what I have so far, but I'd like to strecth it out a bit, maybe have her ask for adult nappies and hemeroid cream, but don't even have a punchline.

You're heading in the right direcion. Now write that on a notepad and take it with you for the next couple of days. Get your pad out on the bus/train, mull it over, think about when you go to bed, and again when you wake up. Write it again, re-write it, and re-write it again, then post it up here.

Ideas are 10 a penny, it's the writing and re-writing that makes it real.

ps I'm sure you could come up with at least 2 brands of comdoms yourself?

Possibly, you know looking at it, it's probably better acted out by performers than it is in writing.

The performers will bring the words to life, like a 'paint by numbers' canvas. The writer maps out the patterns and colours, but the actors' will paint it as they see fit. You still need to provide them with the script though.

Good luck with it.

Thanks. Also another problem I have is that I don't know how a script for a sketch should be formated.

There's no hard and fast rules, but have a look round critique and download some sketches / sitcoms on line. Buy yourself a book on comedy writing and just keep writing.

IS the third idea funny because it is an embarassing topic? if so the woman that comes in should be like 90 and asking for condoms and the chemist can see a young mexican stud waiting outside with a leash. that would be funny

IN A CHEMIST'S - AN ELDERLY WOMAN APPROACHES THE COUNTER SLOWLY BUT SURELY AND POPS HER HANDBAG ONTO THE COUNTER BEFORE BEGINNING CONVERSATION.

Woman: Hello can I have some aspirin please.

Chemist: Of course madam. ...There you go, anything else?

Woman: Yes I would have that packet of female condoms just there.

Chemist: Errm.. excuse me?

Woman: That packet of femidoms please my dear.

Chemist: O-o-ok..

HE GINGERLY PASSES OVER THE PACKET

Chemist: Will that be all madam?

Woman: Do you have any of that "Slide'n'glide" lubricant in stock?

Chemist: Erm..yes, yes we do.

THERE IS A KNOCK ON THE STORE WINDOW AND A YOUNG MEXICAN STUD WITH LARGE PROTRUDING MUSCLES IS MAKING A 'HURRY UP' FACE TO THE WOMAN.

THE CHEMIST LOOKS RATHER SHOCKED.

Chemist: And is that..is that your son?

Woman: Who my dear?

Chemist: ...That man there?

Woman: Son? No my dear. (chuckling slightly)

THE ELDERLY WOMAN THEN TURNS AROUND AND PERFORMS A 'BLOWJOB' HAND SIGN TO THE MAN OUTSIDE.

Quote: Juan of a Kind @ November 18 2010, 8:09 PM GMT

IS the third idea funny because it is an embarassing topic? if so the woman that comes in should be like 90 and asking for condoms and the chemist can see a young mexican stud waiting outside with a leash. that would be funny

IN A CHEMIST'S - AN ELDERLY WOMAN APPROACHES THE COUNTER SLOWLY BUT SURELY AND POPS HER HANDBAG ONTO THE COUNTER BEFORE BEGINNING CONVERSATION.

Woman: Hello can I have some aspirin please.

Chemist: Of course madam. ...There you go, anything else?

Woman: Yes I would have that packet of female condoms just there.

Chemist: Errm.. excuse me?

Woman: That packet of femidoms please my dear.

Chemist: O-o-ok..

HE GINGERLY PASSES OVER THE PACKET

Chemist: Will that be all madam?

Woman: Do you have any of that "Slide'n'glide" lubricant in stock?

Chemist: Erm..yes, yes we do.

THERE IS A KNOCK ON THE STORE WINDOW AND A YOUNG MEXICAN STUD WITH LARGE PROTRUDING MUSCLES IS MAKING A 'HURRY UP' FACE TO THE WOMAN.

THE CHEMIST LOOKS RATHER SHOCKED.

Chemist: And is that..is that your son?

Woman: Who my dear?

Chemist: ...That man there?

Woman: Son? No my dear. (chuckling slightly)

THE ELDERLY WOMAN THEN TURNS AROUND AND PERFORMS A 'BLOWJOB' HAND SIGN TO THE MAN OUTSIDE.

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Why would you need a femidom for a blowjob?