AUNG SUKYI IS WALKING ALONG A LINE OF HILARY CLINTON, NELSON MANDELA AND BO
NO
AUNG
After 20 years of house arrest I am free to show my appreciation for my supporters.
AUNG WALKS UPTO HILARY
AUNG
Hilary Clinton who kept my struggle infront of the UN.
AUNG SHAKES HER HAND
AUNG WALKS UPTO NELSON MANDELA
AUNG
Nelson Mandela who proved the struggle could be won.
AUNG EMBRACES NELSON
BONO PUSHES NELSON ASIDE
BONO
And me Bonoo! I sent you all my albums, I told the pope about you, phoned you every day and sang down the phone...
AUNG
Yes Bono this is for you.
KNEES BONO IN THE GROIN
AUNG
Shut up you annoying tit!
SCENE2
CORPORAL CHIVES AND CAPTAIN WALLY ARE KNEELING ON THE STAGE AS SOMEONE SHOOTS AT THEM OFF STAGE
CAPTAIN
Dash these terrorist blighters we were supposed to e picking up the Chandlers and they ambush us.
CORPORAL
It's not the Somali's firing at us.
CAPTAIN
Then who? Al Quaeda?
CORPORAL
It's the Chandlers sir they've got the Somalis hostage.
CAPTAIN
What did you do corporal Chives?
CORPORAL
Well they've been prisoners since before the election, so I thought they might want a copy of the Times.
CHANDLERS OOV
You'll take us back alive. Death to George Osbourned slayer of libraries, death to Dave Cameron slasher of child benefits.
SCENE3
BENJAMIN NETANYAHU AND BARACK OBAMA ARE IN A MEETING
BARACK
Primeminister Netanyahu your continued housing building in the Westbank threatens to destabilise the whole region. You must stop.
NETANYAHU
Meh
BARACK
If you stop we will promise you 6 billion dollars in aid.
NETANYAHU
Meh
BARACK
And 40 F35 jets
NETANYAHU
Meh
BARACK
You've got 6 billions, 40 jets what more do you want my pants?
NETANYAHU
Hmmm
BARACK PULLS DOWN HIS TROUSERS
BARACK
Fine 6 billion dollars, 40 jets and my pants. Now will you please stop building on the west bank?
NETANYAHU SHRUGS
NETANYAHU
Meh
BARACK
That'll do.
HILARY WALKS ON
HILARY
Mr president Dave Cameron's here to negotiate the new trade deal,
BARACK
Thank God, I need the pants
SCENE4
JIM AND JANE ARE OPENING A BOX AND ABOUT TO PLAY A VIDEO GAME
JIM
I can't believe you got it! Call of Duty Black Ops it's more realistic than reality!
JANE
Not just that this is the super realistic version, lets see what you get.
JANE PULLS ROPE, A CLOTH AND A BUCKET FROM THE BOX.
SHE READS THE INSTRUCTIONS AND TIES JIM TO THE CHAIR, PUTS THE CLOTH OVER JIM'S FACE AND STARTS TO POUR THE BUCKET OVER HIS HEAD.
JANE
Confess! You're in AlQuaeda you are Arab Bastard!
JIM
Ouch stop that I'm just a taxi driver!
SCENE4.5
JIM AND JANE ARE LOOKING IN THE BOX AGAIN
JANE
Aparently there's some hidden levels if you look hard enough.
FX EXPLOSION
JANE ROLLS AROUND ON THE FLOOR IN AGONY
JANE
Ouch help call me an ambulance?
JIM
Sorry Jane rescue helicopter not included due to MOD cuts.