More unbroadcast Attenborough

v1 v2 below

VO
And now more unbroadcast material from David Attenborough

FX PENGUINS MILLINB AROUND AN ARCTIC WILDERNESS

DAVID ATTENBOROUGH(DA)
The emperor penguin has a most human behaviour. The urge to adopt and care for the young of others. The lone male will incubate and care for an abandoned egg as if it were it's own. Even though it clearly isn't.

This has lead to it being known as the nonce penguin.

Get off that egg you herring filled paedo c**t!

FX SOUND OF PENGUINS RUNNING AND SQUWALKING IN FEAR AND A KICKING BEING HANDED OUT

PRODUCER
David please stop kicking the penguin, oh God you've trodden on the egg!

I don't get what's going on?

How about this:

DAVID ATTENBOROUGH(DA)
The emperor penguin has a most human behaviour. The urge to adopt and care for the young of others. The lone male will incubate and care for an abandoned egg as if it were it's own. Even though it clearly isn't.

ZOOMS OUT AND DAVID IS REVEALED WITH JUST HIS SHIRT, SOCKS AND SHOES ON, SITTING ON AN EGG WITH AN AGONISED FACE

PRODUCER
David? What are you-

DAVID ATTENBOROUGH
Chris. I had the camera on a tripod I didn't think anyone would be-

PRODUCER
David is that penguin egg...up your arse?

LONG PAUSE

PRODUCER
Not again.

Bit of a miss this one. Although I'm sure there's a better gag in it somewhere.

v2

VO
Sootyj films presents, more unbroadcast material from David Attenborough

FX PENGUINS MILLINB AROUND AN ARCTIC WILDERNESS

DAVID ATTENBOROUGH(DA)
The lone male Emperor Penguin is a most human of birds. It adopts and care for the young of others. It will incubate and care for an abandoned egg as if it were it's own. A helpless, defenceless egg, being sat on a by single adult bird. The kind of bird who probably hangs around beebo asking for topless pictures of school children.

FX DA RUNNING AND IS NOW SHOUTING

Get off that egg you herring filled paedo c**t!

FX SOUND OF PENGUINS RUNNING AND SQUWALKING IN FEAR AND A KICKING BEING HANDED OUT

PRODUCER
David please stop kicking the penguin, oh God you've trodden on the egg!

Quote: sootyj @ November 6 2010, 8:16 PM GMT

v1

VO
And now more unbroadcast material from David Attenborough

FX PENGUINS MILLINB AROUND AN ARCTIC WILDERNESS

DAVID ATTENBOROUGH(DA)
The emperor penguin has a most human behaviour. The urge to adopt and care for the young of others. The lone male will incubate and care for an abandoned egg as if it were it's own. Even though it clearly isn't.

This has lead to it being known as the nonce penguin.

Get off that egg you herring filled paedo c**t!

FX SOUND OF PENGUINS RUNNING AND SQUWALKING IN FEAR AND A KICKING BEING HANDED OUT

PRODUCER
David please stop kicking the penguin, oh God you've trodden on the egg!

View original

The original (as reproduced above) isn't a 'miss', is it?

It's very funny in my view.

I can't help but think penguins milling around in an Arctic wilderness must have wandered some considerable distance from home and I don't imagine the BBC has a sound effect to represent such milling - but neither point matters.

As a thought experiment, it's a good little sketch.

I like it, but think it needs more. Maybe Attenborough could be checking the Sex Offenders register, we see a photo of a penguin under 'Most Wanted', Attenborough shows it to the other penguins, thye pick up burning torches, hay forks etc and run the padeo penguin out of town, even though they all look the same? Just a suggesiton..

Ianteresting ideas but I.m aiming for audio.

And the joke b eing the switch between avauncular to psychopath

Sorry Soots didn't realise it was for radio, in that case I'd pad out the Producers last line, or maybe get the camera and sound men involved in a 'get stuck in' 'leave it, he's not worth it', kind of way.

By the way it reminded me of a conversation I overheard on the tube the other night, some West Ham fan was boasting to his mates that he'd 'done in a shopkeeper, 'cos he was a nonce'. Goes to show humans aren't as evolved from animals as we'd like to think.

If only we'd stick to kicking penguins

I like V.2 better.

Although lose:

"The kind of bird who probably hangs around beebo asking for topless pictures of school children."

And jump straight to:

"Get off that egg you herring filled paedo c**t!"

The switch in character is the best bit.

SFX

End.

Thanks Leevil in this one it was particularly hard.

I wonder if it would work with some YouTube footage of DA, then blacking out and going to the impression

I think it's something that could definitely work Harry Hill style.

You could "scramble" the video and then like you say, cut to black with audio.

Mesntime back to working on my time machine.

Oh, so now it's visual is it? *storms out in a huff*

Only joking, I really nice the visual, penguins are funny, fact!

Quote: AngieBaby @ November 7 2010, 9:16 PM GMT

Oh, so now it's visual is it? *storms out in a huff*

Only joking, I really nice the visual, penguins are funny, fact!

View original

Having a drink are we, Frangie?