New Car
EXT. CAR YARD. DAY.
A well groomed man dressed in a smart suit is accompanied by a likewise female into an up-market car yard. They are immediately (as usual) approached by the Salesman, who is dressed typically in a smart suit and has that 'Can we trust him?' look.
SALESMAN
Hi there, can I help you?
MAN
Ah yes please. My partner and I are here for a car, and we're looking to drive away today, if we could?
SALESMAN
Certainly, I can help you there. Now, we've got some beautiful cars here on offer. Can I ask what type of car you want? What your needs are? etc.
MAN (CONFERS WITH PARTNER)
We do want a fast car.
(ALL CHUCKLE )
MAN
Do you have something with a bit of kick to it?
SALESMAN
Absolutely. Now this car in fact is just in, it's the new Porsche 911. It's is a luxury 2-door sports coupe. The engine is a 6 cylinder with turbo injection so you can't get any faster than that. (Chuckles)
MAN
Wow, I like it. Would be good for just, getting away.
SALESMAN
Oh Yeah I mean, this would be the perfect car for you to go on a weekend getaway down the coast or wherever.
MAN
No I meant an actual 'getaway' as in a high speed police chase.
SALESMAN (CHUCKLES)
Oh ok, got you. So what do you actually do?
WOMAN
Well we've just robbed a bank and need a car to get away in quite quickly.
SALESMAN
Oh sorry, you should have mentioned that.
MAN
Yeah it's just that some car dealers we've approached don't like our business. Of course they'll never say that to our faces, but, we can always tell.
SALESMAN
Yeah look, between me and you, most car dealerships are a bit funny about selling cars to bank robbers, but, we're not objective here. Yeah, that's just bias really.
MAN AND WOMAN
Absolutely yeah.
SALESMAN
So do you like what you see? Wanna check it out, have a look?
MAN
Oh yeah. Erm, can we have a look in the boot, see the bootspace?
SALESMAN
Yeah sure.
ALL WALK ROUND TO THE BOOT. SALESMAN OPENS BOOT.
SALESMAN
Now, as you can see, it's pretty spacious for a Porsche, probably fit a fair bit of stuff in there. I mean what sort of things would you be putting in there? Apart from a stack load of stolen cash.
ALL CHUCKLE
MAN
Well, guns, money, but we'll mainly need it for people, or hostages rather.
SALESMAN
Oh ok, well, I mean this boot as said is quite spacious and you could probably fit at least one grown adult in there, and maybe a small child or animal of some sort, maybe a dog or poodle rather, some chickens?
WOMAN
Yeah that looks spacious enough actually.
MAN
Erm, sorry, is it all right if I climb inside, see how it feels?
SALESMAN
Yeah go for your life.
MAN AWKARDLY CLIMBS INSIDE BOOT AND SHUFFLES AROUND UNTIL COMFORTABLE.
SALESMAN
So, what do you think?
MAN
Yeah look, feels ok.
SALESMAN
Yeah, I mean you're pretty tall but I reckon a regular sized person or hostage or whatever could fit in here with some room to spare. It makes for a comfortable journey that way.
WOMAN
Yeah definitely.
MAN
Sorry, can you just close the boot.
SALESMAN
Sure
CLOSES BOOT
SALESMAN
Are you okay in there?
MAN (OFF SCREEN, MUFFLED)
Yeah good, a bit stuffy but like you said a regular person would be more comfortable,
SALESMAN
Ok, I'll open up now.
OPENS BOOT AND HELPS MAN OUT OF BOOT.
SALESMAN
So, what do you think? Like it?
WOMAN
Yeah its really nice, (TO PARTNER)what did you think?
MAN
Look I really like it. It's a beautiful car, great boot space, its fast, ticks all the boxes really.
SALESMAN
Great, well, I can grab the car keys and we'll take it for a test drive.
WOMAN AND MAN
Great!
CUT TO
SALESMAN RETURNS WITH CAR KEYS.
THE WOMAN IS ALREADY IN THE PASSENGER SEAT AND THE MAN IS STANDING NEXT TO THE CAR HOLDING A GUN, POINTING IT AT THE SALESMAN.
SALESMAN
(JOKINGLY) Ahh, don't shoot! (CHUCKLES)
MAN
Sorry, force of habit, just needed to make sure you hand over the keys and get in the boot.
SALESMAN
Oh yeah sure, erm, here's the keys. Are we going now?
MAN
Yeah sorry, the cops will be here any minute, so, if you could get in the boot please, sorry.
SALESMAN
No worries, hold on, just gotta let my colleague know.
SALESMAN LOOKS OVER CAR YARD FOR A COLLEAGUE.
SALESMAN (TO OTHER SALESMAN)
BOB? BOB? Yeah I'm just being kidnapped by these bank robbers and their taking the Porsche, are you gonna be ok on your own for five minutes?
BOB WALKS OVER
BOB
But I've got a client with me too who also wants to kidnap me and run up the coast, he's already killed five people today, they'll be no-one here otherwise holding the fort.
SALESMAN
Sorry, mine have gotta go now too, the cops are on the way.
BOB
Ok, go on then. We'll just have to leave the yard unattended, again. Let's just hope no-one steals any cars.
SALESMAN
Thanks mate, legend.
BOB WALKS OFF.
SALESMAN (TO MAN)
Ok, let's do this.
THE SALESMAN AND THE BANK ROBBER WALK AROUND TO THE BOOT. THE MAN OPENS THE BOOT AND THE SALESMAN GETS IN.
MAN
Are you comfy? Enough room?
SALESMAN
Yeah, plenty mate, all good.
MAN
Ok, well, thanks very much. See you soon, unless you suffocate or gets machine gunned by police.
SALESMAN
Yeah, or crushed to death by a bloody great big truck
BOTH CHUCKLE
MAN
Here we go.
MAN CLOSES BOOT AS THE SIRENS APPROACH AND ENTERS CAR.
MAN (TO PARTNER)
Now, did you bring the GPS?
WOMAN
No, I thought you did?
MAN
No, you were supposed to. (HUFFS) Not this again!
SALESMAN (OFF SCREEN)
You better get a move on, cops will be here soon. Just pull out the yard and take a left onto Prince Highway, follow it all the way down.
MAN
Thank you.
MAN STARTS CAR AND DRIVES AWAY. THE MAN AND WOMAN CONTINUE TO BICKER.