Marriage counsellor

Hi. I wrote this a while back but I am not happy with the out - something else needed - any thoughts?

SCENE 1

INT. OFFICE BOB AND SARAH ARE SAT OPPOSITE 'CLIVE' THEIR MARRIAGE COUNSELOR

BOB:The sex just isn't working anymore. I mean, I love Sarah, and I hope she loves me -

SARAH SQUEEZES BOB'S HAND

BOB continued#:- but the spark has gone hasn't it?

SARAH NODS SHYLY IN AGREEMENT

CLIVEerhaps in order to rekindle your romance you need to be more spontaneous?

BOB AND SARAH NOD

CLIVE continued#ome role playing? Try experimenting.

BOB AND SARAH:We could try, I suppose

FADE OUT

SCENE 2: INT. BEDROOM.

BOB IS SITTING ON THE EDGE OF THE MARITAL BED. HE IS PLAYING WITH A CHEMISTRY SET

BOB:This is not the sort of experimenting I had in mind Sarah

SARAH: I know honey, but Clive did say we should try this

BOB:Yes, but all that kissing and licking and biting

SARAH SMILES

BOBhouldn't you'd be doing that to me?

CUT TO: CLIVE IS ALSO IN BED STROKING SARAH'S HAIR

CLIVE:I can assure you this gives me absolutely no pleasure

CLIVE WINKS AT SARAH

BOB:I just feel you have been less than honest with us Clive.

CUT TO:

SHOT FROM BEHIND TINTED GLASS. TWO SCIENTISTS ARE TAKING NOTES WHILE OBSERVING BOB, SARAH AND CLIVE IN BED.

SCIENTIST #1kay that's the signal. Send in a woman for Bob

END

'Experimenting' refering to sex but which leads to a chem set, set. This can be seen cumming from miles away. Too obvious and too laboured for me. Still, what the f**k do I know?

Know wat u mean but I like the idea of the counsellor settin up the whole thing as an observed experiment. Needs work I think

The opening dialogue between Bob and Sarah is well executed. The main problem for me is that there are three different jokes going on. One with the chemistry set, then the reveal of Clive being there, plus the idea that they are part of an experiment rather than the experimenters themselves.

Focus on one of these ideas, maybe write all three and see what one comes out best.

These are just my thoughts of course but at the moment this needs a bit work imho.

Maybe the counsellor is just a dirty pervert and just asks the couple to go into detail about what they get up to, noticebly getting excited and aroused as they describe their sex life. Until the couple are angry and walk out the office. Then the counsellor could get angry and ask them to keep going as he was about to, well, you know... :-)