Drunk

This is a short excerpt from something I am writing.

I know it's not to everyones taste - but please read and critique.

INT DAY KITCHEN

TWO TWENTY SOMETHING MALES DRINKING FIRST CUP OF TEA
ONE IS OBVIOUSLY HUNGOVER

MALE #1
You made some noise last night when you came in.
I thought we were being raided.

MALE #2 (HUNGOVER)
Couldnt get my key in the lock

MALE #1
There is piss all around the toilet
YOU are cleaning that up.

MALE #2
Oh,(BEAT)that has just reminded me.
Noooo, I don't think I dreamt it.

MALE #1 (SUSPICIOUS)
dreamt what?

MALE #2
I think that I had a crap in the street
I couldn't get in and I was touching cloth.

MALE #1
What! outside our front door, in the middle of the street
surely not.

MALE #2
It was 3 o clock in the morning
it was dark and no one was around
I was very drunk and I was busting.

MALE #1
We had better go see.

CUT TO
BOTH MALES AT THE FRONT DOOR LOOKING DOWN AT THE PAVEMENT.

CLOSE UP
A PILE OF HUMAN POO ON THE PAVEMENT
BUT, THERE IS A HUGE DOGS PAW PRINT IN THE MIDDLE.

MALE #1
Is that a dogs footprint in the middle?

MALE #2 (LOOKING AT MALE #1 WITH AWE)
Justice.

Excelent but you don't need so much build up.

Good one Stephen. I take it that you had the idea of a dog walking in human shit then worked the sketch around it?

Nice idea indeed. I agree that it could benefit from a trim.

Thanks.

It is the first draft of this and it does need trimming and tightening
but at least I know it's comical.

I think the idea is strong enough you could do a silent version with him shitting outside the dogs kennel

Lovely concept indeed. Nice stuff Mr. Goodlad