Quote: bushbaby @ October 10 2010, 6:13 PM BSTI'd be very flattered if someone did a satirical sketch about me LOL
Scene 1: A Supermarket Checkout Row. Interior. Day.
AS VARIOUS SHOPPERS ARE CHECKING OUT, A TROLLEY COMES INTO VIEW IN THE DISTANCE AND CONTINUES MOVING TOWARDS CAMERA.
IT IS PILED 6 OR 7 FEET HIGH WITH WINES AND SPIRITS AND WOBBLING PRECARIOUSLY AS IT TRUNDLES ONWARD TOWARDS CAMERA.
CUSTOMERS ARE STEPPING QUICKLY OUT OF ITS WAY AS IT VEERS ONE WAY THEN ANOTHER AS IT APPROACHES.
OUR POINT OF VIEW MOVES QUICKLY TOWARDS THE ONCOMING TROLLEY AND SUDDENLY CUTS TO A SIDE VIEW OF THE TROLLEY AND ITS PUSHER.
WE SEE THE PUSHER IS A SPRITELY BLONDE LADY OF MATURE YEARS
A BURLY MAN LEAPS FOR SAFETY WITH A BARELY-SUPRESSED CURSE.
BUSHBABY (FOR IT IS SHE):
Sorry Love. (INFORMATIVELY) I'm 84, you know.
ANOTHER MAN JUMPS OUT OF THE WAY, SLIPS AND LANDS ON THE FLOOR
BUSHBABY:
I'm so sorry. You're not hurt are, you? (INFORMATIVELY) They're having a 2-for 1 on Baileys. Or it might be a 3-for 2. Or a . . .
CUT TO A LOOK OF HORROR ON THE MAN'S FACE
CUT TO SHOW THE MOUNTAIN OF BOTTLES SLIPPING AND FALLING TOWARDS BUSHBABY.
CUT TO SHOW A LOOK OF HORROR ON BUSHBABY'S FACE
CUT TO BLACK
SFX: HORRIBLE CRUNCHING CRASH
SFX: AMBULANCE SIREN.
Scene 2. A Hospital Corridor. Interior. Day.
Numerous patients line both walls. Some are standing, some are in wheelchairs and some are lying on trolleys.
AS OUR P.O.V. MOVES STEADILY ALONG THE CORRIDOR, WE HEAR MANY ASSORTED GRUMBLES ABOUT THE WAIT FOR ATTENTION.
AFTER A FEW SECONDS, THE COMPLAINTS DIE DOWN AND EVENTUALLY WE SEE PATIENTS DRINKING FROM PAPER CUPS IN CHATTING AND JOKING AMIABLY.
AMONG THE HAPPY THRONG WE SEE BUSHBABY SITTING UP ON A HOSPITAL TROLLEY.
SHE'S POURING DRINKS FROM A WINE BOTTLE AS VERY CHEERFUL PATIENTS HOLD OUT THEIR PAPER CUPS.
AS THE BOTTLE RUNS DRY, SHE DROPS IT INTO A NEARBY BIN AND PRODUCES ANOTHER BOTTLE FROM UNDER HER COAT.
BUSHBABY (SHOUTS): Who's got that corkscrew?
A MAN WITH A CRUTCH UNDER ONE ARM APPEARS WAVING A PEN-KNIFE WITH A CORKSCREW ATTACHMENT.
MATRON (OUT OF VISON):
What the . . . ? What's going on here?
A MATRON APPEARS WITH TWO NURSES AS THE PATIENTS SCATTER BACK TO THE QUEUES ALONG EITHER WALL.
SHE POINTS TO BUSHBABY
MATRON (CONT):
Get this patient into a side ward immediately!
SCENE 3: A Hospital Side Ward. Interior. Day
A SINGLE BED STANDS IN THE ROOM. THERE IS SILENCE AS A DOCTOR ENTERS AND APPROACHES A FIGURE ASLEEP IN THE BED.
HE STUDIES VARIOUS CHARTS AND INSTRUMENTS BEFORE HIS ATTENTION IS DRAWN TO THE DRIP BY THE SIDE OF THE BED.
HE LOOKS AT THE LIQUID-CONTAINING BAG AND DISCOVERS IT IS, IN FACT, AN INVERTED WINE BOTTLE.
A TUBE RUNS FROM THE BOTTLE'S CORK, DOWN THE STAND, INTO THE BEDCLOTHES AND UNDER THE SHOULDER OF THE PATIENT, WHO IS FACING AWAY FROM THE DOCTOR.
HE MOVES AROUND THE BED AND SEES THAT THE TUBE EMERGES BY THE PATIENT'S FACE AND LEADS INTO HER MOUTH.
WE SEE THE PATIENT IS BUSHBABY.
THE DOCTOR, FROM CLOSE RANGE, EYES THE APPARENTLY-SLEEPING BUSHBABY STERNLY AND CONTINUALLY
AFTER A FEW SECONDS, SHE SLOWLY OPENS ONE EYE
GENTLY BUT FIRMLY THE DOCTOR REMOVES THE DRIP LINE FROM HER MOUTH
BUSHBABY (INFORMATIVELY):
I'm 84, you know.
ENDS.
Author's note: Bushbaby is not really 84.
