Perfect Partners Sitcom Ist 10 pages Page 4

Quote: David Chapman @ July 7, 2007, 7:13 PM

Oooooooooooooh! Darren - that wasn't nice!

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Stirrer...

Thanks for your comments David H, much appreciated.

I agree, there`s way too much direction in the script. I`m currently rewriting and making significant changes to some of the characters and the storyline.

Thanks Frankie too!

And lol Dave and Darren!

I think in the narrow TV sitcom definition of 'one liner, one liner, one liner' or 'feed-gag-feed-gag-feed-gag' and 'easily reset to zero' situations, then this doesn't immediately stack up. But do you want it to? If you want to write traditional sitcom of that type then that's a different ball game. To me this is more of a dark comedy drama, possibly episodic, so like a sitcom in that way.

I didn't find the Neville character as bad as some other posters did. He is pretty much like a lot of gay guys off the street... my flat-mate flaps in almost the same way! But if you feel that effeminate gay is a stereotype then fair enough but remember that stereotypes always have some basis in reality, or there wouldn't be a stereotype!

There was a suggestion from one poster that you could make him an effeminate straight guy... I like that idea, maybe he could try to lure Sissy away from Griffin - and fail! If you've been put off a gay guy then an effeminate straight guy might work. I think having an effeminite character in this is a good thing as it complements the non-personality of robot Griffin. Although I'm getting the impression that Griffin might start to develop a personality fairly rapidly...

I liked it as art and it seemed quite original to me. I don't know if it's saleable or not but I suspect it is, but probably not as a sitcom unless you can find a producer that has actually got some balls/imagination and who has the power and desire to work outside the (homogenised) TV square... Unlikely I guess.

I hope there is somewhere that thought provoking, creative work like this can get an airing otherwise it almost seems like not worth bothering, except that quality work MUST find a voice! Keep going!

Nice one, mate!

Thanks for your insightful comments Frankie, I really appreciate them.

As you`ve picked up, I`m not looking at the traditional approach. At the moment I`m rewriting this in two ways as I love the subject matter so much. The first as a sitcom and the second as a dark sci-fi feature. I`ve gone a bit too far under Griffin`s synthetic skin to leave him hanging.

I like the idea of an effeminate straight guy and what it could bring to the story. Neville`s now morphed into a great bear of a man, with wild hair and eyes, but he won`t be written as the mad scientist type. That`ll just be his physical form, I`ll bring out his more interesting hidden traits.

There`s a lot more I want to bring to the surface with this, but it`s still evolving. I know where I want to go with this project, it`s the journey getting there that`ll be the interesting bit and I`m in it for the long haul!

I realise I`ll have to get really lucky to place something like this, but I`m happy to keep developing, rewriting and colouring outside the lines until I do.

Good on yer mate, I hope to read more of this whenever it's available!
Frankie xxx