Can't contribute much new to this, so i'll keep this simple.
1) Pretty good. Not too many laugh out loud moments, but in my opinion the first 10 pages don't have to be hilerious.
2) Very original indeed. I cannot see it developing, which means that you will be able to surprise me with whatever you do following. So, that is good.
3) This is a type of idea that you can build on. You could probably make it better if you so wished. Don't really need to now though.
Hi there Dan,
Wow! Thanks, like lots of times! I had to read it again just to make sure it was real 
Some great suggestions regarding Neville, who I`m currently taking in hand & I agree, the sex scene would look really effective filmed from the P.O.V. of the desk.
Thanks for your comments & advice, much appreciated
Hi Godot Taxis, thanks for your comments & I`m really pleased you enjoyed it
The story takes place over two days & I admit I need to work on the timeline, so thanks for flagging it up.
I will develop the comedy aspects of this more with further drafts & agree I`ve got to think left of field to make it my own. I am familiar with Asimov, but I`ve also been trying to keep up with the development of the companion robot (as carers & nurses etc) in Japan.
I take your point regarding radio & also think it would lend itself well to this medium.
Tbh, I haven`t submitted this to Writersroom, but I did pitch it to a production company who requested the full script & episode outlines, so it`ll be interesting to see what their comments are.
Good luck with your sitcom & many thanks for taking the time & trouble to read through & offer your opinions. It`s much appreciated
Hi there Walker
Good idea, I`ll keep it simple too.
1. I`m pleased you found it pretty good & I do intend to insert some laugh out loud moments in the first ten pages.
2. Thanks for that, I tend to be drawn to original concepts. With further drafts, I`ll be attempting to develop the comedy further, so maybe I`ll surprise you!
3. I will be building on this idea & intend to improve it.
Thanks for your comments, they`re much appreciated
Hey Jude
Just read your profile and saw the horror/sci fi stuff. (plus the two options 
). Glad I quit while I was ahead regarding Asimov.
Ahoy there Godot!
Not bad for a part-time Girlie Pirate though 
Not bad at all. How do your hairdriers work at sea, then?
There`s a choice...
For such a small environment, I know it`s hard to believe, but it`s either battery operated or natural, with lots & lots & lots of product
I suppose you get the batteries from one of those newsagent ships...
We`re not choosy though, we`ll plunder any vessel for batteries (& chocolate), then pass them on. Kind of like Girlie Robin Hoods, but with eye patches, swords, loads of eyeliner & dead good hair!
It`s worked up to now...
Excellent. Of course, a boatload of girls away from land for months at a time would need a lot of batteries...
OK, finally got around to reading it, but not the other comments, so I'll apologise if I repeat.
I liked it, it read well, although it felt slightly over written.
The characters were well defined, although Griffin, being a robot didn't feel human, which I'm not sure, is that a good thing?
It kind of reminded me of Ugly Betty or at least what I've seen from the trailers and pilot I watched. But don't let that worry you as it's only the initial impression, like comparing Cheers to Time Gentleman Please.
I enjoyed it though and think you are a talented writer and look forward to seeing your horror screenplays come to light. (Horror being a favourite genre of mine.)
I don't think you have a sitcom here, not in the traditional sense anyway, but definitely a comedy drama. I hope you didn't have Red Dwarf style in mind.
I think for people to relate she would definitely need to develop some sort of human relationship and I hope she does, maybe that's your intended hook?
But anyway, overall, thoroughly enjoyed it, well done.
Quote: Jude @ May 26, 2007, 2:05 AMThere`s a choice...
For such a small environment, I know it`s hard to believe, but it`s either battery operated or natural, with lots & lots & lots of product
Sorry - what are you talking about here? Or shouldn't I ask.
Dont ask Dave mate it's Ladies things..
Most promising sitcom piece I've seen here. Good luck!