Perfect Partners Sitcom Ist 10 pages

These are the 1st ten pages from my sitcom Perfect Partners set in a Scientific Research Centre.

All comments greatly appreciated.

Logline: Geeky lab assistant Sissy, finds herself falling for Griffin, the first of a generation of companion robots designed to obey, adore and serve your every need.

FADE IN

INT. SCIENCE LAB - NIGHT

Geeky lab assistant SISSY (28), pushes her large, heavy framed glasses back onto the bridge of her nose, tightens her lank ponytail, then mindlessly tidies the lab.

The low-level lighting illuminates a selection of body parts stored in clear perspex boxes, suspended on floor to ceiling shelving.

Sissy runs her fingers over the boxes within reach.

In a corner of the lab, GRIFFIN (27), stands in a tall, clear cannister.

Hot, hench, with eyes that undress and a dazzling smile, Griffin`s gorgeousness, right down to his flawless skin, looks totally real.

Griffin calmly opens his cannister, steps out and approaches Sissy from behind.

Bending to a lower shelf, Sissy pulls out a large box containing a selection of male body parts.

As Sissy brings the box to eye-level, Griffin reaches out and pinches Sissy`s bum. Sissy SQUEALS. The box slips from Sissy`s grasp and CRASHES to the floor.

Sissy turns around. She gasps.

SISSY
Griffin! Who turned you on?

GRIFFIN
I learned to bypass sleep mode.

SISSY
Clever dick!

Griffin looks at the bulge in his trousers and moves in for a kiss. Sissy gently pushes Griffin away.

Griffin`s face falls. Sissy points at his cannister. Griffin puts his hands up and backs away.

INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT

MISS HUNT (35-55), Perfect Partners boss, strides swiftly along the corridor. Head up, shoulders back, eyes front.

Tall. Professional. Glacial. Every inch the exquisite, airbrushed female.

NEVILLE (32), Sissy`s dishevelled gay co-worker, run-walks closely behind, clipboard in hand.

INT. SCIENCE LAB - NIGHT

The door BURSTS open. As Miss Hunt marches in, the spring-loaded door immediately SMACKS backwards sending a surprised-looking Neville flying.

Leaving Neville to pick himself up, Miss Hunt focuses her emotionless gaze on Sissy.

As Miss Hunt steps forward, the heel of her right shoe makes contact with a spilt penis.

Neville suppresses a LAUGH. Sissy looks at the floor. Miss Hunt doesn`t flinch.

MISS. HUNT
Explain.

SISSY
I`m sorry. It slipped.

MISS. HUNT
All by itself?

SISSY
No! Someone pinched my bum Miss. Hunt! Hard!

Suddenly, LAUGHTER EXPLODES from Neville`s body until he`s helpless. Miss Hunt throws Neville an icy glare.

Neville STOPS LAUGHING, but can`t take his eyes off the squashed penis on Miss Hunt`s heel.

Miss Hunt positions Neville`s clipboard in front of his face and focuses on Sissy.

MISS. HUNT
Sissy, may I remind you, this is a Scientific Research Centre not a pleasure zone.

Sissy nods.

Miss Hunt slowly pulls the clipboard down Neville`s face.

MISS. HUNT (CONT'D)
Self control`s a necessity Neville, not an optional extra. Develop some and help Sissy clean up.

Miss Hunt swiftly removes the squashed penis from the heel of her shoe. She tosses it at Sissy, who catches the penis in surprise.

Open-mouthed, Sissy and Neville freeze.

MISS. HUNT (CONT'D)
P.12 it! Now!

Miss Hunt turns sharply, settles herself, then strides briskly out of the lab. The door SLAMS shut behind her.

Neville cracks first. He ROARS with LAUGHTER, closely followed by Sissy`s SCATTER-GUN LAUGH. HIGH PITCHED. TINNY. UNUSUAL.

NEVILLE
Sissy don`t! It`s just not normal!

SISSY
P.12?

NEVILLE
Science speak. Bigger and thicker.

Sissy narrows her eyes.

NEVILLE (CONT'D)
Straight up!

SISSY
Yeah, right!

Sissy walks over to a workbench. She slides the penis into a clear bag, labels it and begins to fill in a form.

Neville picks up the box and begins to retrieve the male body parts.

NEVILLE
Griffin OK then?

Sissy looks up, pushes her glasses back and smiles.

SISSY
Yeah, he`s fine, bless him.

Neville raises an eyebrow.

NEVILLE
Don`t go getting attached hun.

Sissy shrugs her shoulders.

Neville replaces the box, then turns and minces towards the door. Passing Griffin`s cannister Neville blows Griffin a kiss.

NEVILLE (CONT'D)
But if push comes to shove, I`d road test his arse off anytime!

Griffin clenches the fingers of his right hand into a fist, rotates his wrist and raises his middle finger to Neville`s disappearing back

INT. OFFICE - NIGHT

Miss Hunt sits at her desk in her slick modern office, a cordless `phone clamped to her ear. She picks up a pad and pen, then pushes herself back in her chair and raises her long legs onto the table.

MISS. HUNT
Of course. Our robot companions have been in circulation for six weeks and so far, we`ve had no complaints.

Pen in hand, Miss Hunt doodles on her pad.

MISS. HUNT (CONT'D)
Our models are designed to obey, adore and serve your every need.

Miss Hunt kicks off her shoes and wriggles her toes.

MISS. HUNT (CONT'D)
Come now Mr Hardwick, everyone has needs.

Miss Hunt begins to unbutton her blouse.

MISS. HUNT (CONT'D)
Here at Perfect Partners, we can create the ideal man or woman for anyone, not just your wife.

Miss Hunt writes "Wanker!" on her pad.

MISS. HUNT (CONT'D)
A sex-hungry blonde, with large breasts? One moment Mr. Hardwick, customer services will complete your order.

INT. SCIENCE LAB - NIGHT

Sissy KNOCKS on the outside of Griffin`s cannister. Griffin stands with his back to Sissy. He doesn`t move.

SISSY
Griffin, you`re not playing hard to get are you?

Griffin doesn`t respond.

SISSY (CONT'D)
Has Neville been teasing you again?

GRIFFIN
No. I`ve got a headache.

SISSY
Another time then?

GRIFFIN
Yeah. Call me.

Sissy walks over to her work station. She sits at the computer and begins to TAP away at the keys.

INT. NEVILLE`S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Neville plumps up two fluffy pink pillows on his baby pink themed bed and slides them behind his back.

Catching sight of the large vase of life-like, plastic flowers on his bedside table, Neville selects one and begins to pluck out the petals.

NEVILLE
He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me.

One petal remains. Neville SIGHS. He discards the remains of the flower, then selects another bloom.

NEVILLE (CONT'D)
Best of three.

INT. SCIENCE LAB - NIGHT

Sissy HAMMERS away at the computer. Griffin COUGHS LOUDLY. Sissy looks up.

SISSY
Better?

Griffin nods.

SISSY (CONT'D)
Good.

As Sissy continues to type, Griffin steps out of the cannister. He walks up to Sissy.

Griffin moves in for a kiss. Sissy stops typing and responds. The kiss quickly builds in passion and enthusiasm.

After a brief hands on tussle, Griffin picks up a PANTING Sissy and deposits her on a nearby workbench.

Griffin and Sissy pull and tug at each others clothing.

As Sissy`s white lab coat and sensible blouse hit the floor, they reveal a plunging red basque, laced with black ribbon.

SISSY (CONT'D)
Undo me! Now!

Griffin removes Sissy`s glasses and hair scrunchie and goes in with his hands and teeth.

As Sissy`s basque eventually flutters to the floor, the workbench begins to rock backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards.

Sissy and Griffin`s BREATHING gets FASTER and LOUDER.

GRIFFIN
You look great without the glasses.

SISSY
Yes, yes YES!

The RHYTHMIC POUNDING of the workbench causes the books, files, pencils and pens on its surface to pool at the edges, before falling to the floor.

As Sissy and Griffin`s sexual activity reaches a climax, the workbench begins to THUMP its way around the science lab.

Finally the workbench STOPS THUMPING, gives a final SHUDDER in unison with Sissy`s IMPASSIONED YELPS, then stops.

Energy spent, Sissy and Griffin remain in each others arms, until their RAPID BREATHING RETURNS to NORMAL.

Sissy opens her eyes, raises her head and looks around.

SISSY (CONT'D)
Wow! Everything moved!

GRIFFIN
It was a pleasure.

Griffin smiles. Sissy clamps a hand to her head.

SISSY
Oh no! Here it comes! Reality check No 1! You`re a robot!

Griffin rolls his eyes.

GRIFFIN
(monotone)
You`re not like the other girls.

SISSY
OK, I get you Griffin.

Sissy tenderly takes Griffin`s head in her hands.

SISSY (CONT'D)
I`ll deal with it. I promise.

INT. NEVILLE`S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Submerged in a cloud of baby pink bedding, Neville SNORES CONTENTEDLY, surrounded by the remains of all the flowers minus the petals.

INT. CORRIDOR - DAY

A mildly flapping Neville looks at his watch.

NEVILLE
Oh shitty, shit, shit!

Immediately upgraded to full flap, Neville tears down the corridor, finally skidding to a stop outside the science lab door.

Beads of sweat run down Neville`s face as he slowly opens the door.

INT. SCIENCE LAB - DAY

As Neville shuffles into the lab, his jaw drops open in shock.

A naked Miss Hunt and Griffin MOAN and writhe on top of Neville`s workbench, in a very peculiar position.

Neville slowly moves his head to each side to try and work it out.

Wide-eyed and rooted to the spot, Neville`s BREATHING gradually begins to get FASTER and FASTER, until he grabs his chest, pulls himself together and rushes out of the door.

INT. CORRIDOR - DAY

Neville bolts down the corridor.

INT. SISSY`S BEDROOM - DAY

Sissy gives her slick, minimal room a quick tidy and slips into her lab coat. She almost puts her glasses on, then drops them in the bin.

A sudden HAMMERING at the door causes Sissy to jump. She cautiously walks over to the door and edges it open. A seriously flapping Neville falls in.

SISSY
Neville! Please! If you`ve got to hyperventilate! Do it on my bed!

Sissy helps a GASPING Neville onto her bed and fetches a brown paper bag.

SISSY (CONT'D)
Here.

Neville takes the bag. He BREATHES into it until he manages to pull himself together.

SISSY (CONT'D)
OK. What happened?

NEVILLE
I walked in on robo-woman and Griffin!

Sissy GASPS. Neville takes a DEEP BREATH.

NEVILLE (CONT'D)
At it like rabbits on my workstation! And in a very peculiar position!

SISSY
But I thought Griffin was fully updated on the sexual activity front?

Sissy picks up her hairbrush. She runs it briskly through her freshly washed ponytail.

NEVILLE
Well the bitch has definitely gone extra-curricular now!

Sissy throws her hairbrush down.

NEVILLE (CONT'D)
Temper!

Sissy`s eyes well up.

NEVILLE (CONT'D)
Aww Siss don`t. Anyway, it`s knocked my humongous Griffin-crush right out of the water! How about you?

Sissy remains tight lipped. Neville raises an eyebrow.

NEVILLE (CONT'D)
Don`t tell me, it`s written all over your face.

Sissy cautiously peeks in the mirror.

NEVILLE (CONT'D)
Hey! Where`s your glasses?

Sissy points to the bin. Neville retrieves them. He puts them on.

NEVILLE (CONT'D)
Clear lenses! Bloody cheat!

Neville throws them back into the bin. He looks at Sissy.

NEVILLE (CONT'D)
You know, you look great without the glasses.

Sissy picks up her belongings. She slowly follows Neville into the corridor.

INT. CORRIDOR - DAY

Neville reduced to a mild flap, hurries ahead. Sissy legs hip-width apart, begins to waddle behind in obvious discomfort.

Neville turns round. He TUTS LOUDLY.

NEVILLE
Never on a first date!

Sissy grimaces.

SISSY
It wasn`t a date.

NEVILLE
Sissy! How could you!

INT. SCIENCE LAB - DAY

Neville BURSTS into the lab. A sad, duck-like Sissy follows behind.

Griffin watches from his cannister as Sissy struggles past without acknowledgment.

Neville gives Griffin a hard stare. He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a tablet of chewing gum and puts it in his mouth.

Hands on hips, chewing hard on his gum, Neville approaches Griffin`s cannister.

NEVILLE
The glasses are off!

Neville opens Griffin`s cannister, then minces to the door.

NEVILLE (CONT'D)
He`s all yours hun.

Neville leaves the lab.

A bewildered Griffin steps out of his cannister.

GRIFFIN
Is it a headache?

Sissy turns to face Griffin. She pulls herself up straight, clenches her fists and takes a DEEP BREATH.

SISSY
Neville saw you with Miss Hunt.

I like the characterisation is really spot on the bitchy boss on the phone I liked. Neville is kinda annoying, but I suppose he's meant to be lol.

It's a little waffly on a few lines and could do with trimming just to make the scene descriptions flow a bit nicer in my view but apart from that top stuff

Thanks Gav

I had loads of fun writing this!

Every pirate needs some downtime.

Squashed penis - that's something I never thought I'd see (in a script at least).

Got to admit I didn't read it all, mainly because some of the scene and character descriptions were a little long and flowery for my tastes.

I think the characters all seem pretty good, apart from Neville who I am afraid reads just as a cliched camp comedy gay.

Didn't laugh too much, though that can always be amended in later drafts.

Good luck!

Thanks for your comments Badge

I agree. By the second draft, Neville will be a new man.

Well the premise is pretty original for a sitcom. Don't really like the character of Neville as he seems to be a cliched comedy gay.

Some funny bits, not my taste though to be honest. Although something that I think could be really funny is if during either of the sex scenes, Griffin stops working midway through. Just something to think about.

Thanks Martin,

Yeah, Neville`s at the top of my hit list lol!

Further on in the script, Griffin does stop. It`s not in the first ten pages, but it`s a really good point.

I just thought I`d post to test it out. I realise it`s not going to be to everyones taste and I do appreciate people taking the time to tell me.

Tbh, I like to try things out & experiment, but given time it will develop & the rough edges will become all smooth & shiny

I'm a bit breathless after reading that Jude! Not really for reading at work! hehe! And can i get my hands on a Griffin please?!?!?!??!?!

I liked it, like the guys said a bit too descriptive - which is probably why i enjoyed it. I enjoyed reading it, a bit like a novel.

Thanks Ellie, I`m glad you enjoyed it

This makes a change from all the other "people sharing flat" type sitcoms (including mine). An original idea but have you planned out a whole series for instance?

Incidentally the squashed penis did make me cringe. Have you got a hidden agenda here?

Quite fancied Sissy though by the sound of her.

Thanks David

No hidden agenda, honest! And I`m glad you quite fancied Sissy.

I have planned out the whole series. I hope the following will give you some idea of how it all works.

Saved from termination, Griffin takes up his post in the lab with Sissy & Neville. This leaves Griffin`s cannister free for a guest companion robot each week.

The guest companion robot`s story then develops as they are adjusted by Sissy, Neville & Griffin in the lab & sold on.

In the second episode, Sabrina who is left in the cannister at the end of episode one, is sold to Premiership Footballer Darren Rush to become a (companion robot) footballer`s wife.

The main meat of that episode is the party planned by Darren`s PA for his team mates & their Wags.

Luckily for Darren, Sissy, Griffin & Neville are on hand to keep the evening moving and the Wags oblivious as Sabrina manages to steal the show & service the entire football team before the cheese & biscuits.

As Sissy, Griffin & Neville arrive with significant hangovers the following morning, they have a new companion robot in the cannister. She`s wearing the white dress with the high heels. She`s stunning. She`s curvy. She`s gorgeous. She`s Marilyn...

Remodelled from a Rick Astley, Marilyn`s about ready to be unleashed...

Good luck with it. I hope you get it finished and to the right person.

Thanks David, much appreciated

Hi Jude

Really like this. You've got an ear for sitcom-writing and perfectly-timed as there seems to be a lack of female-centric sitcoms about.

Descriptions are too much for a script. You do get quite novel-y at times. Try keep these to a minimum, no need for too many adjectives.

The guys above are right about Neville. In fact, he immediately struck me as Mark from Ugly Betty, if truth be told. Rather than completely stereotypical gay man, maybe very butch gay man or very camp straight man? Only a suggestion.

Scenes are good. Short, sharp, flicking between the action. Excellent. Jokes are good too. This:

SISSY
Oh no! Here it comes! Reality check No 1! You`re a robot!

Griffin rolls his eyes.

GRIFFIN
(monotone)
You`re not like the other girls.

is one of the best jokes I've ever read on this forum Like the recurring glasses themed joke and I saw the sex scene filmed from the point of view of the desk (CAMERA ON DESK LEG. BANG. LEG MOVES. LEG MOVES AGAIN. LEG FLIES OFF CAMERA AND SKIDS ACROSS FLOOR) kind of thing.

Well done. Hope this advice is useful.

Dan

Jude, this reads very well and I enjoyed it a lot. As a man, lines like she 'tightened her ponytail' and she 'tidied the room mindlessly' give a new perspective. Tidying up for example, uses 100% of my brain capacity.

The comments others have made about the 'flowery' directions are probably valid, but it does make it quicker to read when one knows nothing about the script and the writer. I was still confused by the timeline – it begins at night, but Ms Hunt is taking a complaint call? And are the staff sleeping on site? Also, one minute Neville is in bed, the next he is hurrying along the corridor to discover Ms Hunt and Griffin. At first I thought this was an unmarked dream-sequence, because it seems unrelated to the previous scene and there is no Day 2 etc., to help. I think you need to sort this out, but that shouldn't be a problem because you really know how to write, which is not that usual on writers' forums! (Please note, this is the first piece I've read by anybody, so I'm not including THIS forum)

But what do you want to do with this? It's not funny enough to be a comedy at the moment but you're obviously thinking about the comic possibilities with your footballer scenario. I presume you're familiar with the story 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' by Asimov? Where a mousy, neglected housewife is turned into a confident, sexual woman by a handsome robot called Tony, from U.S. Robots? That story also features Susan Calvin, Asimov's 'robotherapist', so I think you should try to think as out-of-the-box as possible here to make the theme your own.

My suggestion is to write this for radio. You immediately have a larger female audience, who have shown – at least in the case of asimov's postbox – that they enjoy these stories of women trying to imbue robots with feelings. Also sound would work well here with the echoey labs and grind and hum of the canister being opened. The other kind of grind as well. The writersoom would just send this back if you submitted it as a sitcom in my opinion. I think subject matter is the most important factor for what gets read. My script is set in the sex industry – and there is a belief in TV that this is an ‘amateur’s topic’, no doubt along with sci-fi - which is what they would class yours as. TV is so homogenous and so driven by fashion and we are still in the grip of the idea that everything must be ‘real’. Reality means only one thing at the moment at the BBC – cinema verite – wobbly camera. Shows that have a fantasy element – even monster successes like Life on Mars, Mighty Boosh, Red Dwarf would not get in through the front door (writersoom).

That is, of course, only my opinion.