First one for ages!
The bridge of a ship. There is clearly a problem. Flares are being shot into the night sky. The crew on the bridge are running around in panic. Sirens are wailing. At the helm, unflappable, stands the proud figure of the Captain.
Crewman 1 : The Engine Room think we have about twenty minutes, Captain. Twenty minutes!
Captain: Very Good.
Cartwright : Radio reports no other ships in the local vicinity. The closest is HMS Manchester, she won't be with us till morning.
Captain: Thank You Cartwright.
Cartwright: The lifeboats only take 200, Sir. There are 350 souls on the ship, they can't survive in the water till morning for God's sake man.
Captain: Understood Petty Officer Cartwright.
Cartwright : The ship is sinking Sir. Sinking. We have twenty minutes. An iceberg has torn a f**king massive hole in her port side.
Captain: That reminds me. I've been meaning to ask Cartwright, how is that lovely young wife of yours? You'll be looking forward to seeing her I guess.
Cartwright: Sir?
2nd Officer Sidebottom bursts in.
Sidebottom : Sorry to interrupt while you're having a chinwag Sir. But we have a bit of a problem.
Captain: Nothing too serious I hope Sidebottom?
Sidebottom : It's the viola player Sir, Jones. In the little assemble we put together, you know, as is traditional in these circumstances. Stand on the deck, a few light hearted tunes, keep the spirits up.
Captain : Yes, Jones. Lovely tone he has.
Sidebottom: He's scarpered Sir. Put on full stockings and suspenders and took the first boat when the call went out for women and children.
Captain: The cheating swine.
Sidebottom: They were your suspenders as well Sir from what I remember of them.
Captain: I just don't believe it.
Sidebottom: Well the conductor is refusing to play until we find a replacement. Can't have an assemble without a viola player can you?
Captain: Of course not. Of course not. Cartwright?
Cartwright : Sir?
Captain: Do you play the viola at all?
Cartwright: No sir!
Panic fills the Captain's eyes.
Captain: I can't possibly be in charge of a sinking ship without a viola player. How is that going to look in the papers?
Sidebottom: I understand completely sir. The proper form has to be observed.
Cartwright: You're both f**king mad. The ship is sinking and you're worried about a violin player. What's wrong with you?
Sidebottom: That is no way to talk Petty officer Cartwright. I understand this is a stressful situation. But that can't be used as an excuse. It's a viola player, not a violin.
Captain: Keep a clear head Carwright! We can't go mixing up violin and viola players. Imagine how "Those in peril on the sea " will sound if we do that.
Sidebottom: Doesn't bear thinking about Sir.
Captain: I can only really think of one solution to this problem gentlemen.
Cut to:
A lifeboat, the Captain, Sidebottom and Cartwright are on board. All in woman's wigs and stockings and suspenders.
Captain: It was a pleasure playing with you this evening gentlemen.
Ends
yeah I'm all good, you? Does my comment suggest a lack of well being? 
