I`ve never written a sketch before.
This is my first & I hope it`s not my last!
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
CHARLIE THE PARROT SITS ON HIS PERCH IN A LARGE CAGE.
MR & MRS BROWN ARE JAMMED TOGETHER ON THE SOFA. ON A LARGE CHAIR OPPOSITE SITS A BURLY POLICEMAN.
CHARLIE:
(well-spoken, plummy)
Oh Hello Charlie!
POLICEMAN:
You`re a clever one aren`t you?
MRS. BROWN
Not this one.
MR. BROWN
It`s a dud. It`s evil. Look at the eyes.
POLICEMAN:
He looks a fine specimen to me. Let`s get on with it shall we?
CHARLIE:
(well-spoken, plummy)
Oh Hello Charlie!
MRS. BROWN
Charlie, zip it!
CHARLIE MAKES THE SOUND OF A ZIP.
POLICEMAN:
That parrot has a talent.
MRS. BROWN:
They all do that.
POLICEMAN:
Does he do anything else?
MR. BROWN
Plenty.
POLICEMAN:
You should do something with that parrot.
MR. BROWN
We`ve tried!
CHARLIE MAKES A STRANGLED CHOKING NOISE, THEN CACKLES WITH LAUGHTER.
THE POLICEMAN SNIGGERS.
POLICEMAN:
I understand you have a number of exotic plants?
MRS. BROWN
Yes. I`m very proud of my collection.
POLICEMAN:
I`ll need to see them.
MRS. BROWN
Of course, but they`re fakes.
POLICEMAN:
I`ll be the judge of that!
MR. BROWN:
We were had officer. Same as with that duff old parrot!
MRS. BROWN:
Thought we`d make a bit of cash on the side like, but oh no...
MRS BROWN LOOKS SHARPLY AT MR BROWN
MRS. BROWN:
Muggins there went to the garden centre! A young lad tried to point him in the right direction, but well...
MRS BROWN SHAKES HER HEAD. THE POLICEMAN STANDS UP.
POLICEMAN:
The plants?
MRS BROWN POINTS TO THE GARDEN.
MRS. BROWN
They`re out there under the plastic.
THE POLICEMAN LEAVES THE LOUNGE.
EXT. GARDEN - DAY
THE POLICEMAN WANDERS INTO THE GARDEN. ON ONE SIDE, SEVERAL ROWS OF PLANTS HAVE BEEN COVERED WITH PLASTIC SHEETING.
THE POLICEMAN BENDS DOWN, OPENS THE SIDE, LOOKS AT THE PLANTS AND LAUGHS.
INT. LOUNGE - DAY
POLICEMAN:
Well it appears I`m finished here.
MRS. BROWN:
And the plants?
THE POLICEMAN SNIGGERS.
POLICEMAN:
They`re not the ones I`m looking for. I`ll see myself out.
THE POLICEMAN LEAVES THE ROOM.
MRS. BROWN:
What did you think of that?
MR. BROWN:
He wasn`t a real police officer.
MRS. BROWN:
I thought as much.
MR BROWN LOOKS OVER AT CHARLIE.
MR. BROWN:
Banana Charlie?
CHARLIE:
(rough sounding)
You gotta be kidding mate! Here, have a toke on this!
CHARLIE BALANCES PRECARIOUSLY ON HIS PERCH ON ONE CLAW. IN HIS OTHER CLAW HE CLUTCHES A BIG FAT SPLIFF.
MRS BROWN`S FACE FILLS WITH PRIDE.
MRS. BROWN:
Bless him, do you think they all do that?
MR. BROWN:
How else would they get so many into the country!
