1 INT: SHOP. DAY.
WOMAN with her SON browsing in a shop. The WOMAN looks across and meets eyes with a man. He is TED BURNUM. He is in an old-fashioned, worn suit, has grey hair, a moustache and some stubble. TED BURNUM approaches the WOMAN. WOMAN tries to ignore him.
TED BURNUM
I saw you looking
WOMAN
What?
TED BURNUM
I saw you. You were wondering if it really is me and..
WOMAN
(interrupting)
Sorry, I'm just shopping with my son.
TED BURNUM
Okay, play it cool. I don't like it when fans cause a scene anyway, just draws attention, which I'm sick of. What do you want me to sign?
WOMAN
Nothing, just get away from me.
TED BURNUM bends down to be on the SON's level.
TED BURNUM
How about you son? You must be excited about meeting Ted Burnum.
SON looks scared.
TED BURNUM
(to WOMAN)
He's speechless. Can't believe his luck.
(to SON)
Okay, since your such a big fan of mine I'll give you an autograph. I don't usually do this.
(to WOMAN)
Do you have a pen and paper?
WOMAN
No.
TED BURNUM takes a marker pen from a shelf and grabs the SON's arm.
TED BURNUM
Not to worry, I'll sign your arm. Come here.
There is a struggle as TED tries to write on SON's arm as SON pulls away.
WOMAN
Take your hands off my boy. Help! Security!
SECURITY MAN comes over. Onlookers have stopped and are looking at the scene.
SECURITY MAN
Excuse me, what's going on here.
TED BURNUM
I was being harassed for autographs by these people.
WOMAN
This man was inappropriately touching my son.
SECURITY MAN
Is this true young man?
SON nods.
TED BURNUM
You little snitch.
SECURITY MAN
Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
TED BURNUM gestures towards the crowd of onlookers.
TED BURNUM
But look at all these fans coming to see me.
SECURITY MAN
Come with me.
SECURITY MAN grabs TED BURNUM and begins escorting him out of the shop.
TED BURNUM
(loud so onlookers can hear)
Oh yes, I would like to avail of your celebrity escort service. Take me to the exit.
TED waves to people as he is escorted away.
TED BURNUM
Sorry, no photos, no autographs.
