The Pound Shop

1. EXT. HIGH STREET SHOP - SIGNAGE READS 'A POUND STORE'

2. INT. SHOP. MAN WAITS IN QUEUE. ASSISITANT IS FINISHING SERVING AN ELDERLY LADY. OUR CUSTOMER APPROACHES THE ASSISTANT. AN 'A POUND STORE' POSTER IS BEHIND ASSISTANT

CUSTOMER:Much is that?

CUSTOMER HANDS OVER A BAG OF CEREAL

SHOP ASSISTANT:£3.75

CUSTOMER:How much!?

SHOP ASSISTANTorry my mistake, £2.99.

CUSTOMER:Thought this is an 'A Pound Shop'?

SHOP ASSISTANT:It is

CUSTOMERo how's it cost £2.99?

SHOP ASSISTANT:Wait

CUSTOMER WAITS... AND STARES... AND WAITS

CUSTOMER:Well?

SHOP ASSISTANT:Weight - everything weighs a pound

CUSTOMERo stuff doesn't cost a pound?

SHOP ASSISTANT:No

CUSTOMER:It weighs a pound?

SHOP ASSISTANT:That's right

CUSTOMER IS NONPLUSSED

SHOP ASSISTANT:You want this or not?

CUSTOMERo I hell!

SHOP ASSISTANT:Why not?

CUSTOMERnly got 50p

END

That's pretty good, actually.

Nice sketch Jay; quality ending.

Yep. Good punch jay.

Like it!

Nice sketch! It must be because I thought to myself -'why didnt I think of that'

Like the idea, although I didn't find the punchline as funny as the build up (sorry). How about this two-Ronnie referenced alternative ending ?

....

CUSTOMERo I hell! Thanks for wasting my time.

CUSTOMER LEAVES THE SHOP IN A HUFF MUTTERING 'MADNESS' UNDER HIS BREATH. HE THEN PULLS OUT A SHOPPING LIST AND LOOKS THROUGH IT

CUSTOMER:Let's hope I get more sense at the hardware store.

INT INSIDE HARDWARE STORE

SHOPKEEPER: Good afternoon sir, how can I help you.

CUSTOMER: Hello there. Four candles please.

Agree with Ishy.
It's a great idea & is funny.
But I think it could do with a stronger pay off

Excelent but more jokes in there waiting to be found.

But very good and a neato punch.

Excelent but more jokes in there waiting to be found.

But very good and a neato punch.

Thanks for the advice people. Sketch was longer to start with but I re-did it as I felt it become overly complicted. I'll try and squeeze a bit more out of it but keep it nice ' trim. J

This is really funny, but for me, as for Ishy and Steve the funniest bit was the reveal in the middle not the punch. I wondered about a punch along the lines of 'have you got change for a kilo?' which tied in with the earlier reveal. If you want to stick with punch you have it feels like the customer needs to make more fuss about it being a pound shop and him expecting everything to cost a pound not to weigh a pound. That would, I think, make the fact he hasn't got a pound when it comes down to it funnier.

Yea I too liked it but felt the punch was an aha rather than a laugh.

Yes, not bad with a nice little punch. Needs to be shorter, though.

Version 2 - After all your comments I've made a couple of small changes. Better/worse?

1. EXT. HIGH STREET SHOP - SIGNAGE READS 'A POUND STORE'

2. INT. SHOP. MAN WAITS IN QUEUE. ASSISITANT IS FINISHING SERVING AN ELDERLY LADY. OUR CUSTOMER APPROACHES THE ASSISTANT. AN 'A POUND STORE' POSTER IS BEHIND ASSISTANT

CUSTOMER:Much is that?

CUSTOMER HANDS OVER A BAG OF CEREAL

SHOP ASSISTANT:£3.75

CUSTOMER:How much!?

SHOP ASSISTANTorry my mistake, it's £2.99?

CUSTOMER:Thought this is an 'A Pound Shop'?

SHOP ASSISTANT:It is

CUSTOMERo how's it cost £2.99?

SHOP ASSISTANT:Wait

CUSTOMER WAITS... AND STARES... AND WAITS

CUSTOMER:Well?

SHOP ASSISTANT:Weight - everything weighs a pound

CUSTOMERo stuff doesn't cost a pound?

SHOP ASSISTANT:No

CUSTOMER:It weighs a pound?

SHOP ASSISTANT:That's right

CUSTOMER IS NONPLUSSED

CUSTOMER:You taking the piss? Who the hell buys stuff by the pound these days?

SHOP ASSISTANT:You want it or not?

CUSTOMERANGRILY) You got change?

HE THROWS CHANGE ON THE COUNTER

SHOP ASSISTANTf a stone?

HE HOLDS UP A STONE

CUSTOMER:Yeah, that's £14

END

I preferred the first one tbh