BORIS JOHNSON WALKS INTO DAVE CAMERONS OFFICE DAVE IS WEARING AN ADMIRAS HAT AND PUSHING WOODEN MODELS OF BUSES AROUND A MAP OF LONDON
DAVE
Boris London's in danger old bean and only you can save it.
BORIS
Is it those hoody blighters?
DAVE
Worse pirates....bus pirates.
SCENE2
A VILE BENDY BUS SNEAKING UP ON A LOVELY OLD ROUTE MASTER
SUDDENLY THE BENDY BUS EXPANDS INTO A DOUBLE DECKER BENDY BUS PIRATE FLAGS FLY FROM A MAST THAT POPS UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DOUBLE DECKER BENDY BUS
IT PULLS UP ALONGSIDE THE ROUTE MASTER CANNONS POPPING OUT OF IT'S WINDOWS.
SCENE3
BACK IN DAVE'S OFFICE.
BORIS
And with this dashed tube strike, millions of commuters are at their mercy.
DAVE
Worse Bozzer old son. The queen's on a route master.
BORIS
The queen?
THEY BOTH SALUTE
DAVE
She's doing her bit to help in this terrible Labor economic slump. She's using her bus pass to shop at Aldi for some foreigns coming for a state dinner.
BORIS
God bless her.
THEY BOTH SALUTE.
DAVE
Take my bike Bozzer your city needs you to spank these oiks take my bike!
BORIS
God save the queen!
BORIS JUMPS FROM THE WINDOW SMASHING THE GLASS.
SCENE3
THE DOUBLE DECKER BENDY BUS IS PULLED UP ALONGSIDE THE ROUTE MASTER WHICH IS DESTROYED AFTER BEING HIT BY MULTIPLE CANNON BALLS.
THE PIRATE KEN LIVINGSTONE AND HIS PIRATE BAND OF HOODIES AND SOCIALISTS ARE DRAGGING THE QUEEN AND HER SHOPPING TROLLEY ON BOARD THE DOUBLE DECKER BENDY BUS
PRINCE PHIL IS BEING GIVEN A SEVERE KICKING BY SOME PIRATE HOODIES
OONA KING DRESSED LIKE A CARIBEAN WHORE LAUGHS AT OUR POOR MONARCHS HUMILIATION
KEN
Ha ha tis I the red newt you be my prisoner your queenship.
OONA
Ha ha she'll raise a fine price on the slave markets of Cuba.
SCENE4
BORIS LANDS ON DAVES BIKE, IT IS A FINE BRITISH BMX WITH A ST GEORGE'S FLAG ON TTHE BACK AND CIGARETTE CARDS OF FAMOUS CRICKETERS STUCK BETWEEN THE SPOKES.
BORIS CYCLES OFF, CROWDS OF PATRIOTIC LONDONERS LINE THE STREETS CHEERING HIM ON. EXCEPT FOR THE RMT STRIKERS OBVIOUSLY.
SCENE5
BORIS STOPS HIS BIKE OPPOSITE THE DREADED DOUBLE DECKER BENDY BUS.
BORIS
Avast ye blaggards prepare to be borded!
KEN
So it's you the blond boyish mayor of London? Well well prepare to meet London's true leader!
OONA KING
Yar ye scurvy public school educated dog. Ye can not take us on alone.
BORIS
Oh you socialists always hiding behind your numbers. Go team Olympic volunteers!
ALA THUNDER BIRDS ROWS OF BORIS BIKES RISE UP FROM THE GORUND TO STREET LEVEL MANNED BY PUBLIC SPIRITED OLYMPIC VOLUNTEERS FROM ACROSS LONDON'S DIVERSE COMMUNITIES.
KEN
Impressive, but how will you reach all the way up here you Bullingdon clubbed lout.
BORIS
We conservatives plan for everything. Go Liberal allies.
100s OF LIBERAL DEMOCRATS RUN FROM ACROSS THE CITY TO FORM A HUMAN PYRAMID
BORIS RIDES HIS BIKE UP THE PYRAMID OF LIBERALS AND FLYS TOWARDS THE BUS.
To be continued!