The Dawning of the Age of Austerity

Songs are really not my thing, but here's something I knocked up a while back and then never did anything with it, if anyone has any comments or suggestions for improvements I'd be interested to get feedback (with apologies to 5th Dimension);

With the Tories in the Lower House,
And Clegg aligns with Dave,
Then deficit will guide MPs,
And cash we'll have to save.

This is the dawning of the Age of Austerity

The Age of Austerity
Austerity! Austerity!

Disharmony, misunderstanding,
Sympathy and trust rebounding.
No more falsehoods or derisions
No Golden living dreams of visions
Mystic fiscal revaluation
And the economy's true liberation

Austerity! Austerity!

With the Tories in the Lower House,
And Clegg aligns with Dave,
Then deficit will guide MPs,
And cash we'll have to save.

This is the dawning of the Age of Austerity, The Age of Austerity, Austerity! Austerity!

Let the cash flow, Let the cash flow in
The cash flow in
Let the cash flow, Let the cash flow in
The cash flow in
Let the cash flow, Let the cash flow in
The cash flow in....

It works really well but I'd say it was more humourous than funny. One thing you could do to improve is change the words in repeated verse. Nothing kills a comedy song like repeating the same thing.

Very nice had it bouncing around my noggin matches the rhythmn well (I think I'm tone deaf) and the words seem wittily accurate.

Yep missed that NewsRevue and Treason won't use anything with a repeated verse.

I am so shit at songs.

This has NewsRevue written all over it.

I think this looks ok on paper
But it doesn't seem to scan that well in places & a lot of the words have been left the same, so it looks a bit like you just went through the song lyrics & substituted a few words here & there.
Don't get me wrong it's not bad in my opinion, but I think you could do far better than this.

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ October 6 2010, 12:09 PM BST

I think this looks ok on paper
But it doesn't seem to scan that well in places & a lot of the words have been left the same, so it looks a bit like you just went through the song lyrics & substituted a few words here & there.
Don't get me wrong it's not bad in my opinion, but I think you could do far better than this.

View original

It looks like that mainly because that's exactly what I did.

To be honest with you songwriting is not my thing and I got a bit bored with it after struggling with it for a while, so your criticisms are absolutely valid.

Trouble is that by the time I'd started to wrestle with it to get into some sort of shape the moment had gone and it was no longer topical, must admit I'm not a big fan of Mitch Benn but this exercise did make me realize it's not as easy as it may appear!

Thanks for all the feedback though folks, think I might stick to one-liners...