In the stars

An old skit comp entry. Too obscure? Anything need changing/cutting? Any thoughts welcome.

49 BC. JULIUS CAESAR IS IN HIS TENT. WITH HIM ARE THE EXPELLED TRIBUNES, MARK ANTONY AND CASSIUS LONGINUS.

LONGINUS
The Senate are obdurate, you must disband your legions or be declared an enemy of the people.

ANTONY
Do not hesitate O Caesar, march on Rome!

CAESAR
To enter Italy at the head of an army would incur automatic proscription. I must consult the auguries.

ENTER ASTROLOGER, CLUTCHING A SCROLL.

CAESAR (CONT.)
Ah, my astrologer! What foretells my horoscope?

ASTROLOGER
If you have been thinking about moving, now is a good time.

ANTONY
The stars favour our enterprise!

CAESAR
What else?

ASTROLOGER
You will have an opportunity to make new friends.

LONGINUS
Rome's noble families will flock to our banner.

ASTROLOGER
You may choose to do a bit of shopping in the afternoon.

ANTONY
Er...

LONGINUS
There's a nice little forum just on the other side of the Rubicon.

CAESAR
But do the portents speak of victory?

ASTROLOGER
(CONSULTS SCROLL) It is important to find time for hobbies.

CAESAR
You give me pause for thought. Once I bestride the narrow world like a colossus, shall I have time to assemble 'collect and keep' mosaic kits of Second Punic War generals?

LONGINUS
That forum is just the place for military mosaics.

ANTONY
They've got Scipio Africanus. Cross now and we can pillage them before they close.

CAESAR
Pah! Everyone has Scipio - no use even as a swapsie. (TO ASTROLOGER) Do you have nothing more to tell me?

ASTROLOGER
There is just one thing more, O Caesar. (BEAT) You share a birthday with Fulvius the gladiator.

CAESAR WAVES AWAY THE ASTROLOGER, WHO LEAVES.

ANTONY
So much for cutting-edge science.

LONGINUS
You would do as well throwing dice.

CAESAR
Good idea. Odds, Rome and immortal glory; evens, I have another go at finishing that tricky bit with the elephants round Hasdrubal's left ear. (THROWS DICE) Alea iacta est - the die is cast.

THEY CROWD AROUND TO LOOK AT THE DICE.

ANTONY
Best of three?

END.

I like this very much.

The hoi polloi might struggle with words like 'obdurate', 'proscription' and 'auguries' but an audience of the right socio-educational level would surely find much comedic joy here.

Your line "Cross now and we can pillage them before they close" is worthy of the greatest comedy writers in the world. Utterly sublime.

I liked it
Very clever with an excellent premise.

Cheers for the endorsements. From the comparative lack of responses I am suspecting that this forum might not have the right socio-educational demographic.

Effing funny. By the way, what's a socio-educational demographic

This is lovely. On a personal note I'm a bit peeved as I've been trying to do a astrology sketch for ages but now you've set the bar far too high. A keeper for sure.

Thanks guys.

As the punch has no specific relivence to the setting and could be applied to many situations why have you gone for this? To the naked eye it just appears there is more intent on showing your knowledge of ancient Rome as opposed to the joke unless I am missing something and it is specific to Rome with me misreading due to not been of the correct "socio-educational demographic"

My advice would be there is no point overcomplicating anything when in doing so you are not adding to the final production.

Rgds

Quote: another40winks @ October 6 2010, 1:48 PM BST

As the punch has no specific relivence to the setting and could be applied to many situations why have you gone for this?

View original

You mean that the original last line:

ANTONY
Best of three?

should have been:

ANTONY
Best of III?

Quote: another40winks @ October 6 2010, 1:48 PM BST

As the punch has no specific relivence to the setting and could be applied to many situations why have you gone for this?

View original

When his legions crossed the Rubicon, Caesar remarked, "Alea iacta est" - the die is cast, so the joke does tie into the historical setting; but you are right that it does not continue the original premise of rubbishing astrology. The two are held tenuously together by the attempts of the tribunes to twist the portents.

But if you have to explain... well in this case it means others probably did not grow up as deeply immersed in Asterix books as I did. Hence my initial concern that the sketch might be a little esoteric.

It's clever, but I think you could make the beginning a bit more accessible and draw an audience in, do you actually need the first III lines?.
I nearly gave up as my brain was hurting, but I'm glad I kept reading.

A little tweek could widen it's appeal.

I do like your sketches Timbo, they educate as well as entertain.

Quote: AngieBaby @ October 6 2010, 11:05 PM BST

I do like your sketches Timbo, they educate as well as entertain.

View original

Very clever indeed. I just about got it and liked it. Anything that rubbishes astrology is ok in my book. Great sketch Timbo