INT: OFFICE. SARAH AND DALE ARE SAT OPPOSITE EACH OTHER AT A DESK.
SARAH: I've asked you here today to discuss the Firm's policy on extra-curricular activities.
DALE: Is there a problem?
SARAH: Unfortunately we've had a complaint about the LGBT society.
DALE: The 'Legs, Guts, Bums and Tums' society?
SARAH: No, the 'Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transvestite' Society. They think you're not Gay enough.
DALE: Not Gay enough? But, I'm the Chairman!
SARAH: It's 'Chair Person', actually! And our report shows the society doesn't adhere to the Firm's 'inclusive' policies.
DALE: Well you can please some of the people some of the time, but you never can please the Lezzas.
SARAH: Your opinion on Lesbians has been noted, but I do need to ask you a couple of competency-based questions to establish your suitability. Is that clear?
DALE: I think so.
SARAH: Great! So how many same-sex partners have you had?
DALE: You can't ask me that. It's discriminatory.
SARAH: This position is exempt from the Sex Discrimination Act, and we really need someone with experience. So how many?
DALE: Em, just the one. But it's a monogamous, committed relationship.
SARAH: Oh dear! Can you describe a situation where you found yourself in a Glory Hole or Dark Room?
DALE: No, but I'm a fast learner.
SARAH: Let's move onto the Transvestite section. Which foundation would you use to cover a five o'clock shadow? A) MAC B) Bobbi Brown or C) Polyfilla.
DALE: I'd go for Mr Whitney Houston every time <sings> It's My Prerogative.
SARAH: Not that Bobby Brown! Moving onto the Bisexual questions, how would you bring a woman to orgasm using your fingers?
DALE: <holds up middle finger and thrusts it about wildly> Like this?
SARAH: I'm sorry, the correct answer is this... <holds fingers in a V-shape in front of mouth, flicking her tongue>
DALE: Ewwww!
SARAH: As you know the Firm is committed to providing a healthy work / life balance so how do you cope with being L,G,B or T in the male-dominated, testosterone-filled, homophobic world of Litigation Lawyers?
DALE: I don't know, I'm only a Network Administrator in IT.
SARAH: That's good to know. And finally, is your Father a partner at the Firm?
DALE: No.
SARAH: Well that concludes this discussion. On your way out make sure you 'Shut That Door'!
DALE: Bitch!
