The Examination

1. INT DOCTORS OFFICE
DOCTOR:
Well Mr Jarvis, I think it's just a back spasm. I'd like to give your prostate a quick check though. Just to be on the safe side.

MAN LOOKS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE

DOCTOR:
Don't worry, it's relatively painless.

2. INT DOCTORS OFFICE
MAN BENT OVER THE TABLE WITH THE DOCTOR ROUGHLY GIVING HIM A PROSTATE EXAM. THE MAN HAS HIS FACE SCRUNCHED UP IN PAIN

DOCTOR:
Everything seems fine. Try to lay off the heavy lifting. Maybe ask your son to help next time?

3. INT DOCTORS OFFICE

THE DOCTOR IS LOOKING INTO A MAN'S THROAT

DOCTOR:
Pretty nasty infection you've got there. I think I need to put you on some antibiotics. Before you go though I just want to make sure the infection hasn't spread to your prostate. Can you pop your trousers down?

4. INT DOCTORS OFFICE
DIFFERENT MAN BENT OVER THE TABLE CRYING AS THE DOCTOR MANHANDLES HIM.

DOCTOR:
Seems fine. Take the antibiotics before mealtimes. Make sure you take the full dose.

5. INT DOCTORS OFFICE
ANOTHER MAN BENT OVER THE TABLE GETTING THE SAME PROCEDURE

DOCTOR:
All checks out. Always handy to make sure athlete's foot hasn't spread to the prostate.

6. INT DOCTORS OFFICE
THE OFFICE IS DIMLY LIT WITH A SOLITARY DESK LAMP. EVERYONE HAS LEFT. THE DOCTOR IS NAKED, ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES CRYING.

DOCTOR:
Please master. I did as you asked. You've had your revenge. Release me.

THE CAMERA PANS UP TO SHOW A VENTRILOQUISTS DOLL SITTING IN THE DOCTORS CHAIR LAUGHING IN A HIGH PITCHED SHRIEK

Yeah, I liked that I think. It's got good strong images but something about the punchline didn't fully connect for me, despite it being the right punchline.

The end took it a bit dark for me. There is something inately amusing about a doctor always finding an excuse to stick his finger up your bum, but demon ventriloquist dummies have never been a fit subject for humour, especially now the leader of the Labour Party looks like one in the picture the press insist on using.

Fair point, perhaps the ending is a little too dark and out of place. I'll rewrite it and lighten it a little (if you can ever make a sketch about a prostate obsessed, ventriloquist controlled lunatic light that is).

Thanks for the comments.

I think this is probably just me. Dark isn't my thing - League of Gentlemen left me cold. It did feel like more background was required. Maybe it's a runner with the dummy turning up in various situations where people are doing only mildly perverted or abusive things under it's control.

It dawns on me I may have finally stumbled on the point of the joke in the first place. sorry for being dim.

I like dark comedy. I'd like it if when the guy says "you've had your revenge" the dummy says "not entirely" and then it cuts to the dummy with his finger up the doctors arse and the doc screaming in pain and the dummy laughing.

Probably not to everyone's taste but I like it. The idea of the dummy 'pulling the strings' is great and you could probably do more sketches based around it.

Quite like that alternative ending Don

how about

6. INT DOCTORS OFFICE
THE OFFICE IS DIMLY LIT WITH A SOLITARY DESK LAMP. EVERYONE HAS LEFT. THE DOCTOR IS NAKED, ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES CRYING.

DOCTOR:
Please master, release me. I did as you asked. You've had your revenge.

THE CAMERA PANS UP TO SHOW A VENTRILOQUISTS DOLL SITTING IN THE DOCTORS CHAIR LAUGHING IN A HIGH PITCHED SHRIEK

DUMMY:
Not entirely

7. INT DOCTORS OFFICE
THE DOCTOR IS ON THE DUMMY'S KNEE HIS FACE SCRUNCHED UP IN PAIN AS THE DUMMY WORKS HIM FROM BEHIND

DOCTOR:
Gottle of geer, Gottle of geer.

Really liked it but the end doesn't work for me. I quite like dark stuff but it just seems a bit out of place.

Perhaps it could be written so that all the patients are actually trainee doctors who doin the 'entrance exam' - sorry, but I do like awfuk puns!

Yeah, I like that new ending more.

It just struck me that this is quite similar to the doctor in Jam, or at least it is in my head. But then I love Jam/Day Today/Brasseye/Big Train so much that I usually envisage the actors in them when picturing a sketch.

I really like the gottle of gear line. Maybe the 'revenge' line could incorporate something like 'it was only a 10 minute slot in the medical student review'. Then again, is it asking too much for clear narrative logic in the decision of a demonically possessed ventriloquist dummy to terrorise a doctor?