Repression

1.EXT A MAN IS APPROACHING HIS FRONT DOOR AND PUTS THE KEY IN THE LOCK

MAN (V.O.):
Now, don't be petty. Just say hello normally.

2. INT. A WOMAN SITS ON THE SOFA INSIDE THE HOUSE AND HEARS THE KEY

WOMAN (V.O.):
Please God, just for once, just say hello normally.

3. INT. INSIDE THE HOUSE. THE MAN ENTERS THE DOOR.

MAN:
Ahoy, ahoy. Thar she blows.

WOMAN (V.O.):
You prick. You utter prick.

MAN (V.O.):
Excellent.

WOMAN:
Hello darling, good day at work?

MAN:
Oh not too bad dear. Only 40 more years and I'll be able to put my feet up.

HE LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND SHE PUTS HER ARMS AROUND HIM

WOMAN (V.O.)
Hilarious. Good job I did my pelvic floor exercises this afternoon otherwise I'd have pissed myself.

WOMAN:
Never mind darling. Come on let's eat.

4. INT. INSIDE THE DINING ROOM. THE COUPLE SIT DOWN TO EAT. SHE BRINGS THE FOOD TO THE TABLE

MAN (V.O.):
Jesus. She's cooked that bloody stew again. It's so damned salty. It's like sucking on an anchovy.

MAN:
Mmmm, smells delicious. I love your stew.

WOMAN (V.O.):
You'd like it even better if I didn't put loads of salt in it. Dunce. I think I'll stick to my salad.

WOMAN:
Would you like the salt dear?

MAN (V.O.):
Not just yet, but if you could pass me the blood pressure monitor that would be lovely. Harridan.

THEY START EATING

MAN:
Sorry, erm, no, I'm fine thanks. How's Lucy?

WOMAN (V.O.):
Great. She had a revolting nappy and I thought immediately of you.

WOMAN:
She's been delightful. She almost said mummy today.

MAN (V.O.):
Mummy why is your face so irritating, or mummy did you really pay £100 at the hairdressers for THAT?

MAN:
Ahh, that's lovely. Listen, I'm just going to pop in and see her.

HE APPROACHES HIS WIFE AND GIVES HER A KISS ON THE FOREHEAD

MAN AND WOMAN:
I love you.

MAN AND WOMAN (V.O.):
I hate you.

There's something in this but I think it could be better if the husband was unaware of the animosity. So when he's outside the door, rather than thinking to himself "just say hello normally" he's thinking that he's got the funniest greeting ever, and maybe take it from there. Just my thoughts though, see what others say.

What scratchyr said. Nice idae, could see it working well.

Yea Ishy I liked it but as above with Scratchyr's suggestion.
I do like you as a sketch writer. You are different.

Different is good, right?

Thanks for the comments everyone. I'll have a go at rewriting it and post it back up.

I've turned the cogs of my rewrite machine and this popped out.

Repression Pt 2

1.EXT A MAN IS APPROACHING HIS FRONT DOOR AND PUTS THE KEY IN THE LOCK

MAN (V.O.):
Home at last. She's going to love this. Should cheer her up.

2. INT. A WOMAN SITS ON THE SOFA INSIDE THE HOUSE AND HEARS THE KEY

WOMAN (V.O.):
Please God, just for once, just say hello normally.

3. INT. INSIDE THE HOUSE. THE MAN ENTERS THE DOOR.

MAN:
Ahoy, ahoy. Thar she blows.

WOMAN (V.O.):
You prick. You utter prick.

MAN (V.O.):
Excellent. That hit the spot.

WOMAN:
Hello darling, good day at work?

MAN:
Oh not too bad dear. Only 40 more years and I'll be able to put my feet up.

HE LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND SHE PUTS HER ARMS AROUND HIM

WOMAN (V.O.)
Hilarious. Good job I did my pelvic floor exercises this afternoon otherwise I'd have pissed myself.

WOMAN:
Never mind darling. Come on let's eat.

4. INT. INSIDE THE DINING ROOM. THE COUPLE SIT DOWN TO EAT. SHE BRINGS A POT OF STEW TO THE TABLE

MAN:
Mmmm, stewpendous.

MAN (V.O.):
Nice one.

WOMAN (V.O):
Christ.

WOMAN:
Would you like the salt dear?

MAN:
I'll just give it a quick taste first.

HE TAKES A MOUTH-FULL AND THEN CLUTCHES HIS THROAT IN MOCK HORROR.

MAN:
Aaarrgh, pass me the blood pressure monitor. Revenge of the anchovy. Revenge. Revenge.

HE LAUGHS OUT LOUD

MAN:
Only joking. It's delicious.

WOMAN (V.O.):
Just goes to show how easy it is to disguise urine. I'll stick to my salad I think.

THEY START EATING

MAN:
How's Lucy been?

WOMAN (V.O.):
Great. She had a revolting nappy and I thought immediately of you.

WOMAN:
She's been delightful. She almost said mummy today.

MAN:
Ahh, that's lovely. Listen, I'm just going to pop in and give her a kiss goodnight.

HE STANDS UP

MAN:
After I've given my other special girl a kiss and a hug.

HE APPROACHES HIS WIFE AND GIVES HER A KISS ON THE FOREHEAD AND HUGS HER

MAN (V.O)
Love you.

WOMAN (V.O.):
Hate you.