Just thinking you could use this idea and make it more outrageous. I would have the man in the tshirt out walking with his young daughter (feeding ducks, perhaps) and then some men grab him and (after a struggle) throw him in a van. We see the van saying 'the good citizens' on it speeding away to the pub where they drag him in. Then one says 'no need to thank us. Just doing our jobs as 'good citizens'' Then reveal the tshirt and the man looking bemused/upset/angry.
Quote: sootyj @ September 19 2010, 8:23 PM BSTI think the joke needs to know why he's being dragged
I mean if its just 2 helpful blokes that feels a little weak
maybe if its dogs body traffic wardens@or something?
The joke? Did you mean the bloke?
Hmm, maybe it could work if it was security guards who dragged him or something and so the audience would think the guy was a thief and so would the police but then you see the t-shirt and the police don't really know how to react. All things to consider.
Quote: Don P Musey @ September 19 2010, 8:27 PM BSTJust thinking you could use this idea and make it more outrageous. I would have the man in the tshirt out walking with his young daughter (feeding ducks, perhaps) and then some men grab him and (after a struggle) throw him in a van. We see the van saying 'the good citizens' on it speeding away to the pub where they drag him in. Then one says 'no need to thank us. Just doing our jobs as 'good citizens'' Then reveal the tshirt and the man looking bemused/upset/angry.
A kind of vigilante group against stupid t-shirts? I like the idea of that. The only thing I'd say is that with the van and everything it might lessen the element of surprise with the t-shirt at the end but on the other hand it might be more of a surprise as if he was bundled into a van the audience would probably think he'd done something pretty sinister. Good idea - has presented me with a nice headache!
I think I wrote joke when I meant sketch
now security guards and he thinks he's being done for shoplifting is nice
it makes the punch more of a surprise twist
Quote: Don P Musey @ September 19 2010, 8:27 PM BSTJust thinking you could use this idea and make it more outrageous. I would have the man in the tshirt out walking with his young daughter (feeding ducks, perhaps) and then some men grab him and (after a struggle) throw him in a van. We see the van saying 'the good citizens' on it speeding away to the pub where they drag him in. Then one says 'no need to thank us. Just doing our jobs as 'good citizens'' Then reveal the tshirt and the man looking bemused/upset/angry.
I like that. Yes yes.
I think I've got it-it's a universe where we do what said on T-shirts, right? I suppose if he is a trendy designer/film producer/internet billionare he would have a T-shirt like that when going to a meeting.
Quote: Tim Azure @ September 19 2010, 10:20 PM BSTI think I've got it-it's a universe where we do what said on T-shirts, right? I suppose if he is a trendy designer/film producer/internet billionare he would have a T-shirt like that when going to a meeting.
It's just a commentary on how the world would be if we took t-shirts literally, and just an attack on consumerism really. I think I've changed my mind about the meeting - going to say appointment instead.
Wasn't expecting that punchline, was trying to guess how it would end before I reached the conclusion.
Unfortunately I didn't think this was strong enough. It went on too long. There was no funny dialogue leading to the payoff at the end.
Good on you for uploading though.
I like the punch but like other have said, it takes a good while to get there. It's hard to say whether that's a bad thing though - it might be funnier played completely straight, like a Big Train sketch. I imagined it being quite a bloody battle with some pumping gladiator style music playing over it. That could do the job.