Skit Comp 19-26.9.10

I reckon that was one of the most thrilling comps yet so thanks to all for entering, thanks to Charley for the inspired idea and cngratulations to... ISHY for winning! Get handsomely rat-arsed, have 10 points and PM me for next week's subject please.
Hence:

Votes - Points - Name

4 - 10 - Ishy
3 - 5 - Roscoff
1 - 1 - Angiebaby, Charley, Otterfox, Reg N
Honorable mention: Gerry McDonnell
Dishonorable mention: Alex Mahon, Steve Sunshine

Your new subject: FIGHT (suggested by GERRY McDONNELL)
Rules:
One entry per person. Can be a sketch, joke, lyric or anything along those lines. Please try and only post your entry/vote and no other posts.
You can edit your entry as much as you want, up until the closing time.

Competition Closes: 26.9.10

Overall Leader Board is now:

Points - Name

150!!!!! - Mr Sunshine
133 - Cool Mikado
130 - Otterfox
120 - Kasm
112 - Chris Forshaw
108 - Frankie Rage
106 - Nigel Kelly
103 - Charley Rance
99 - Michael Monkhouse
98 - Fred Peters
94 - Timbo
66 - Jude
65 - Baumski
59 - AngieBaby
55 - Scratchyr
54 - Gerry McDonnell
37 - Afinkawan
32 - Alex Mahon, Swerytd, Paul Watson
28 - Leevil
26 - David Chapman
24 - Craig H
23 - Roscoff
22 - Blobster
21 - Mikey J
20 - Bushbaby, James Harris, Kevin Murphy, Dannyjb1, Niteowl, Lazzard
18 - Tom
17 - Ellie
16 - Eggie
15 - Nil Putters, Cinnamon, Dale
12 - Geoff Mutton, Badge, Will Cam
11 - Steven
10 - Ishy (NEW ENTRY!)
10 - Robo, Nitram Skir, Socrates, Tom Campbell, Tommy Power, Waring
09 - ajp29, ShoePie
08 - Stylo
07 - The Giggle-O, James, garyd, Winterlight
06 - Little Jersey Devil, Hellboy, Wayne Lewis, John Kelly, Andrew Lynch
05 - Karlos the Great, Drew, Pedros, Summer G, Mannikin Bird, Tumble, Greggles, Happy Shopper, Timothy Marshal-Nichols, Rob B
04 - Andy W, losaavedra
02 - Stephen Birch, Stu R, Imamazed, Slack Bladder, Paul Nash, Boits, Gavin
01 - Reg N, Ming The Mirthless, Minty, Shpadoinkle, Shaggy292, amillionpounds, Jake How, David Bussell, Charisma, Skibbington von Skubber, Ginger Jesus, Nick Rivers, Daddy Maz, Martin Bickle, Batman, Ray Dawson, Marion, Tooting Jo

Spot any mistakes? There may well be, I'm a tinker's cuss, so PM me. Thanks...

James: hey what you looking at

Sean: nothing

James: oh so I'm nothing now am i

Sean: no...

James: then what am i

Sean: ooh is this like 20 questions... are you a vegetable?

james: oh shut up you are so annoying you are like ...like ...an anoyying anoyance.

Sean: just further proof that you are a vegetable

James: SHUT UP I'M NOT A VEGETABLE!

sean: well your certainly bananas

James : your a cheeky little f**k aren't you?

sean: well...

James: it was rhetorical.

sean: wow I didnt know you could use long words like "was"

james: d'ya wanna fight!

Sean: not particularly

James: come on fight me now!

Sean: I don't think that would be a good idea

James: why not? is you chicken -cocka doodle doo

Sean: no its just that erm I'm a bit busy at the moment

James: what about tonight. outside the co-op 7.30 be there or I'll hit you

Sean: but if I do go there then you'll hit me any way.

James: erm yeah... so will you be there or no?

(silence )

James: that wasn't rhetorical

Sean: oh erm, no sorry I can't I've got to go to the co-op to get my gran a birthday present

later

Sean is at his grans house holding a box of chocolates he has 2 black eyes. he gives his gran the box of chocolates

gran: wow Sean what happened to you it looks like you've done ten rounds with mike tyson

sean: (jokingly) why whats happened to my ear!

gran laughs for a long time

sean: calm down gran the joke wasnt that good

gran: no but it had a good PUNCHline. I mean that PUNCHline was pretty good.

What's the English football team got in common with a steam engine?
Piston.

EXT. RACE EVENT

GREY HORSE (ALF THE WIZARD). BLACK HORSE (MANJANARAMA)

Horses are being loaded into the stalls. The grey horse is talking to the black horse.

BLACK HORSE
Yo, what the...humans are crazy man! how the hell am I 33/1. Oh shit, no it ain't. Your the 5/2 favourite? Man you can't run for shit.

GREY HORSE
Yea, well we'll see about that.

BLACK HORSE
What you mean we'll see about that. I beat your wack ass every day in those fields man. I could tow a god-damn boat and beat you.

GREY HORSE
Yea well, in a round-about way, that's the case today.

BLACK HORSE
Say what?

THE TWO HORSES ARE NOW LOADED IN

GREY HORSE
It's a handicap race

BLACK HORSE
I ain't no handicap motherf- WOAH, shit!

THE GREY HORSE TAKES OFF, THE BLACK HORSE THEN LEAVES THE STALLS.

CUT TO : END OF RACE

THE BLACK HORSE CROSSES THE LINE. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING IS HEARD AROUND THE STADIUM.

BLACK HORSE
Thank you!, thank you!

VOICEOVER: The winner of the 3.25 at Chester. Alf The Wizard!

BLACK HORSE (TO GREY HORSE)
What the hell they talking bout Alf The Wizard. Alf the god-damn wizard was eating my dust for lunch!

GREY HORSE
Yes but, you see that little man that was on top of you

BLACK HORSE
Oh that little dude. I soon got rid of him, man he was holding me way back. I was like last place til I kicked his ass off.

GREY HORSE SHAKES HIS HEAD

END

INT: Cave. Several adventurers wandering along. A larger group jumps out at them, screaming and begins to attack them.

GOOD GUY#1: We are ambushed! Where is Sir Tarran? We need his strong sword arm!

All continue fighting.

Cut to: Ext. forest. SIR TARRAN, a huge, heavily armed and armoured knight is standing there casually smoking a cigarette. Another adventurer walks over and lights a cigarette. They nod hello to each other.

ADVENTURER: Morning. Your lot here raiding the dungeon?

SIR TARRAN: Yeah but they made me come outside to smoke.

ADVENTURER: Yeah. It's the same everywhere these days.

Cut back to cave. Fight is still raging.

GOOD GUY#2: Stop! Stop! Hold on a minute!

The fighting stops. Everyone looks at him.

GOOD GUY#2: Hang on a sec. I've dropped a contact lens.

Everyone starts looking about on the floor, careful not to move too much in case they tread on it. He finds his lens.

GOOD GUY#2: There it is!

Bends over to pick it up. Puts it in his eye, blinks a couple of times and smiles.

GOOD GUY#2: That's better. Right, carry on.

They all start yelling and hitting at each other with swords again.

GOOD GUY#1: Sir Tarran! Where are you? We need help!

Cut back to SIR TARRAN. He drops his cigarette and steps on it.

SIR TARRAN: Oh well, back to it. Seeya.

The other ADVENTURER nods goodbye as SIR TARRAN wanders off.

Cut to cave. The fight has finished. SIR TARRAN's companions lie dead on the floor and no sign of their attackers. SIR TARRAN runs in, sword waving, yelling his battle cry.

SIR TARRAN: For the King! Yaaaaarrrrr!!!

Comes to a halt as he sees his dead friends.

SIR TARRAN: Ah....

He prods one of his friends with a toe to make sure he's dead.

SIR TARRAN: Oops.

Starts to wander off whistling innocently, then runs.

EXT. DAY.

MAN WITH SON IS IN A LONG QUEUE OUTSIDE A STADIUM.

SON:
What exactly is a boxing match dad?

DAD:
It's proper name is pugilism son. And it
is one of the purest art forms when performed well.

SON:
So is it art?

DAD:
No son, it's boxing

SON:
Do they make box's?

DAD:
No, they fight

SON:
Fight! who fights?

DAD:
The boxers

SON:
Box's fight! Is there someone inside the box's?

DAD:
Not box's son; boxERS.

SON:
How many people fight?

DAD:
Two men fight each other inside a ring.

SON:
So they fight inside a circle?

DAD:
No, this ring is square

SON:
A square ring?

DAD:
Aye!

SON:
How long do they fight for?

DAD:
Three minutes a round

SON:
Three minutes around the square circle?

DAD:
Sort of.

SON:
Then what?

DAD:
If no one is knocked out,
they fight again for another three minutes.

SON:
Knocked out, you mean they try knock each other
out of the square ring like sumo wrestlers.

DAD:
No, they try to knock the other out as in unconscious.
Usually with a good punch to the jaw

SON:
ooh, that must hurt.

DAD:
They wear padded gloves to stop it hurting.

SON:
Padded gloves? Thought they were trying to knock each other out.
I bet not many get knocked out then.

DAD:
Some do, that's why it is an art rather than
just violent fist fighting. A well directed punch
to the jaw or solar plexus can stop a man in his tracks.

SON:
What if no one gets knocked out, does it go on forever?

DAD:
No, after so many rounds the winner is decided on points.

SON:
Who decides how many points?

DAD:
The referees

SON:
The referees, how many referees are there?

DAD:
Three outside the ring and one inside the ring

SON:
Four referees to two men?
Don't they argue who to award the points to?

DAD:
No they each score their own points

SON:
Oh right, so they put the scores up after each round

DAD:
No they keep them to themselves.

SON:
How do you know who is winning?

DAD:
You don't.

SON:
Do the referees know who is winning?

DAD:
No

SON:
Do the boxers know who is winning?

DAD:
No

SON:
And the crowd don't know because they don't put the scores up.

DAD:
No

SON:
When does everybody know who has won?

DAD:
When the fight has finished, each boxer goes to his corner of the ring
The three referees outside the ring show their scores to the referee inside the ring

SON:
In secret

DAD:
Yes

SON:
Does he decide which score he likes best

DAD:
No, he see's who has won from deducing the three scores.

SON:
Does he tell the boxers then

DAD:
No, he tells the crowd and the boxers sort of listen in.

SON:
Dad, can we go home and you explain the chess rules again
it is much simpler.

INT. PUB - EVENING

A GROUP OF PEOPLE ARE IN A PUB, THEY'RE ALL WEARING A 'FUNNY.COM' NAME-TAG.

GARY:
It's great that we've finally had a meet-up; you all seem like such nice people on the forum.

NELLIE:
We are, we're a friendly bunch.

GARY:
I'm feeling a bit shy though; everybody seems to be getting on so well, like they're old friends.

NELLIE:
Well most of us met at September's meet-up. It was a great laugh, we had free wine, played charades and such; it was a cracking night.

GARY:
That sounds great. Have you got any pictures?

A SILENCE DESCENDS OVER THE GATHERING.

NELLIE (WHISPERING):
There are pictures, but we're not allowed to speak of them. You need to have a word with Big Phil.

GARY:
You're not allowed to talk about them?

NELLIE:
Phil doesn't like outsiders looking at the pics.

GARY:
That's crazy, I'm sure he'd let me take a look at them if I asked nicely.

NELLIE:
Don't do it Gary. Phil's not to be trifled with.

GARY (PLAYING ALONG):
I think I'll risk it. Where is he?

NELLIE POINTS WITH HER EYES AT PHIL

GARY:
OK, thanks.

GARY WALKS OVER TO PHIL

GARY:
Hi Phil, I'm Gary from the forum.

PHIL:
OK.

GARY:
Well nice to meet you Phil. I hear on the grapevine that you have a few pics of the last meet, any chance I could take a look at them?

PHIL:
Who spoke of the pics?

GARY:
Oh someone, I've been mingling.

PHIL:
Were you at the last meet?

GARY:
I couldn't make it. It's a long way from Birmingham and my mother was a bit ill.

PHIL:
Save your sob stories for the X-factor, Gary. That shit don't wash with me.

GARY:
Oh right, sorry. Why can't I have a look at the pictures?

PHIL:
You're not worthy. You're a non-attendee.

PHIL SPITS ON THE GROUND

GARY:
This is crazy, I'm friends with Matt and Darren on Facebook, and they posted a few pics.

PHIL:
They've done what?

PHIL STORMS OVER TO DARREN AND PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE.

GARY TAKES A PICTURE.

DIONNE AND TOM

1: INT INSIDE A MARRIAGE GUIDANCE OFFICE

COUNSELLOR
Dionne. When did all this come to a head?

DIONNE:
We were on holiday. I asked him if he knew the way to San Jose? We put a hundred down and we bought a car.

COUNSELLOR
That sounds lovely.

DIONNE:
Not really. We got lost on a great big freeway. The car had a broken roof and I ended up with raindrops falling on my head. He lets me down every time. I've had enough.

COUNSELLOR
Tom how do you feel about this?

TOM:
We used to have such magic moments. I remember seeing birds appear whenever she was near. Now I just don't know what to do with myself.

DIONNE:
Really. Well I'll never fall in love again. All you get is a heart that shatters.

COUNCILLOR:
Ok, lets stop arguing. I think I see the problem (beat). You're both talking using Burt Bacharach lyrics.

THEY BOTH LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND SEEM SURPRISED

COUNSELLOR:
I respect Hal David as much as anyone, but he's limiting your ability to communicate. Why restrict yourselves?

DIONNE
I don't follow you?

COUNSELLOR
Have you, erm, considered bringing other artists into your relationship?

DIONNE SMILES COYLY AT TOM

2 EXT OUTSIDE A HOUSE A MAN AND A WOMAN ARE HEARD ARGUING. DIONE LEAVES WITH A SUITCASE AND SHOUTS INSIDE

DIONNE:
You scumbag you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot. Happy Christmas your arse I pray God it's our last.

3 INT MAN INSIDE HOUSE SOBBING ON THE STAIRS

TOM:
I'm really up the junction.

SPEAKER'S CORNER- (THE HYDE P. VARIETY)

SPEAKER: Stand up for yourselves. It's time to fight for your rights.

THICKO: I'm a southpaw?

SPEAKER: Even left-hookers have rights they can fight for.

PROSTITUTE: What rights is those, then?

SPEAKER: What rights is what?

PROSTITUTE: Them rights I get for bein' left.

THICKO: I'm a leftie too, I'll fight for ya, luv - for a shag.

SPEAKER to PRO: Being a left, what?

POSTITUTE: Hooker. Me bloke did me an' dumped me. Bastard.

THICKO: I'll whack him for a leg over.

SPEAKER: Hey, leftie, stop pestering the bone-shiner . She's got her
tart's rights to fight for, without having some dim-dick trying it on.

PROSTITUTE to THICKO: Yeah, I got rights, ain't I? That f**ker on the box just called me a bone-shiner. Whack the f**ker an' I'll lecha do me pimpin'.

PREV. PIMP APPEARS ON THE SCENE: Come here you slaglette. I got my rights, you're mine. I'm the one who says who and when you can do.

THICKO: FLATTENS THE SPEAKER: Kept my part of the bargain, Darlin. You owe me a pimpin - whatever the f**k that might be?

PIMP: I'm the pimp, thicko.

THICKO: FLATTENS THE PROSTITUTE: Tarts're all the same. Con ya rotten if ya let 'em. Wel Mr Pimpin, you might take it up the Grad Union
but I ain't no bum-barger! Givus a tenner and we'll call it quits.

Henry and Anne - A Royal Disagreement

Anne
Henry, they said you wanted to see me. What is the matter?

Henry
Ah, sweet Anne, come sit, sit and let me look at you.

Anne
You look very serious, what troubles your mind?

Henry
We have been married for three years. This marriage has not produced what I had hoped for.

Anne
But surely we have been happy together.

Henry
Tolerably so, I'll agree.

Anne
And have I not pleased you in the bedroom department, save for that thing which I will not do.

Henry
Well, it's been good, I must say.

Anne
If it's that thing that I don't do very often, I will do it more if it will make you happy.

Henry
No, no Anne. It's not that, you know what I want. What I have always wanted.

Anne
Why Henry, I cannot think what it is.

Henry
Children! I need children.

Anne
But we have little Elizabeth.

Henry
A son woman! I must have a son for an heir.

Anne
I can do no more than I am doing.

Henry
It's not enough.

Anne
Henry, what are you saying? Surely you....

Henry
Hmmmm....

Anne
Are you thinking of a separation?

Henry
Errr, in a way, yes.

Anne
A trial separation?

Henry
Well, a bit more permanent than that, actually.

Anne
Look, Henry, I know I lose my head from time to time.

Henry
How apt.

Anne
I don't understand.

Henry
Well, you know you said you wished you could get rid of those headaches?

Anne
Yes?

Henry
And your neck is aching all the time?

Anne
Yes....?

Henry
And your teeth always hurt?

Anne
Yes...?

Henry
Well, my apothecary has invented pain killers.

Anne
Oh, what a relief.

Henry
I'm still having you beheaded though!

Fight

A SMALL, MIDDLE-AGED MAN WEARING A SUIT IS WALKING THROUGH EASTERHOUSE (ROUGH AREA IN GLASGOW) WHEN A STEREOTYPICAL TEENAGE NED (SCARRED FACE) JUMPS OUT FROM A SHOP DOORWAY.

NED:
Geez yur f**kin' money or I'll kick f**k oot of ye.

MAN:
(Posh English accent) I beg your pardon.

NED:
Ur you deef? I said geez yir money.

MAN STARES AT HIM FOR A FEW MOMENTS THEN SHAKES HIS HEAD.

MAN:
What terrible grammar. Really, it's just appalling.

NED:
(Growling) Oh, is it? Well ahm gonny poke your eyes oot with a spoon.

MAN:
(Screws up his face) Ahm gonny....(tutting) honestly the standard of education in this country is dreadful. And to cap it all, I'm being robbed by a numbnut.

NED:
Whit? Dae ye expect me tae talk like you?

THE MAN GLANCES OVER THE END'S SHOULDER AND SEES TWO POLICEMEN APPROACHING.

MAN:
(Low voice) Bet you all the money in my wallet you can't.

NED:
(In surprisingly clear posh accent) Would one be a dear...

MAN:
Louder and posher.

NED:
Would one be a dear and give one all one's money. Otherwise I may have to resort to sticking one's fist in one's eye.

MAN:
(Rough Glaswegian accent) Aye that wull be right. Just see if ah dae.

THE POLICEMEN WRESTLE THE NED TO THE GROUND.

POLICEMAN 1:
(To policeman 2) Must be him Wullie. She said he talked posh.

POLICEMAN 2:
He must have robbed some poor f**ker for his clothes. (Screaming in Ned's ear) We've got you now, boy. Imagine robbing an old woman. No shame.

NED:
It wisny me.

MAN:
(Rolls eyes) Wid ye listen tae that Englishman tryin' tae sound like us. They jist don't huv it, dae they?

THE MAN FUCKS OFF DOWN THE ROAD.

A PARTY IS IN FULL SWING AS THE TWO HOSTS (VINNY & GLEN) MEET IN THE KITCHEN

VINCENT:
I Want a word with you... mate! Why on earth did you invite Brian? You knew that Graeme was coming.

GLEN:
What's the problem?

VINCENT:
I thought it was obvious the problem is that Graeme is a Shark

GLEN:
Yes mate & I'm a sperm whale, honestly you are a tit sometimes.

VINCENT:
Not that kind of Shark, I'm referring to the gang he's a member of.

GLEN:
Well the invite didn't say plus gang did it, He's just here on his own.

VINCENT:
Yes but if you remember, Brian happens to be a Jet.

GLEN:
I know he used to be, but I don't know if he bothers with all that these days

VINCENT:
Glen my friend, Once you're a Jet you're a Jet all the way

GLEN:
All the way?

VINCENT:
From the time you have that first cigarette right up until your last dying day.

GLEN:
They're both cool boys, I doubt there'll be any trouble tonight.

VINCENT:
Who Knows? Could be? When Jets & Sharks get together it always seems to result in the most rhythmic lyrically sublime awful fatal violence.

GLEN:
Now you mention it I did notice that Brian had his ballet shoes on.

VINCENT:
If they both start dancing near each other I swear I'll hold you responsible.

GLEN:
I feel pretty...

VINCENT:
Stupid? And so you should. Go and see if everythings ok.

GLEN OPENS THE DOOR TO THE FRONT ROOM AND WE HEAR WEST SIDE STORY MUSIC AS EVERYONE IS CLICKING THEIR FINGERS IN A A CIRCLE AROUND GRAEME & BRIAN WHO ARE DANCING PIROUETTING & CIRCLING ONE ANOTHER.

VINNY:
What's happening mate.

GLEN:
I'm sorry mate, You were right! It's all clicking off.

EXT. DAY. FOOTBALL PITCH. CUT TO MANAGER ON THE SIDELINE.

MANAGER:
Ah this is ridiculous! Andy Spark is after getting himself sent off again.

ASSISTANT MANAGER:
What did he do this time?

MANAGER:
He's after kicking the linesman, punching the goalie and tore the side locks off their defender.

CUT TO ANDY REMONSTRATING WITH THE REF. THE LINESMAN AND 2 PLAYERS ARE ROLLING ON THE GROUND IN AGONY. ANDY IS TRYING TO CONVEY THAT THEY ALL DIVED. THE REF SHOWS ANDY A RED CARD AND HE IS INCREDULOUS.

MANAGER:
We're going to have to send him to Jooluvan Meelkak.

ASST. MANAGER:
Where?

MANAGER:
He's sort of a shaman or mystic type. He lives up on mist mountain and he specialises in flight or fight responses. Andy is a lovely lad but when he enters any sort of competitive environment this flight or fight response kicks in and he always, always chooses fight.

He's our best player but he's already missed half the season through suspension. Meelkak is able to reverse the polarity so that he will shirk all confrontation.

ASST. MANAGER:
So no more biting peoples noses and tying their hair together.

MANAGER:
Exactly. The only thing is that there is something very mystical about Meelkak, something almost other worldly. I think he may have powers beyond our understanding. I hope Andy will come back okay.

ASST. MANAGER:
You're not having second thoughts are you? As long as he switches Andy from fight to flight we're sorted and remember no more throwing opposing players into the post, lips first.

ANDY AND FELLOW PLAYER SAM GOGGINS IN THE CHANGING ROOM.

SAM:
I heard where the boss is sending you. You know they say Mist Mountain is impossible to drive up without crashing into something. Some say you can't see the nose in front of your face...or anyone elses. They say that the mountain prevents you from seeing noses in general.

Others say the mist is so heavy its like carrying 12 wallets in each pocket with pictures of overweight wives. I've also heard that the air is so thin you can't breathe and your nose becomes swollen and..

ANDY:
Is there a point to this?

SAM:
Yeah. I bet you a grand you won't be able to go up Mist Mountain without damaging your car in some way.

THEY SHAKE HANDS.

ANDY:
Your on.

ANDY IS CAREFULLY DRIVING UP THE MOUNTAIN. HE IS ENVELOPED IN FOG. A SQUIRREL RUNS ACROSS THE ROAD AND HE SWERVES TO AVOID IT AND ALMOST CRASHES THE CAR. HE SLAMS ON THE BREAKS.

ANDY:
The bastard!!

HE HOPS OUT OF THE CAR AND CHASES THE SQUIRREL. THE SQUIRREL TURNS TO CONFRONT ANDY AND THEY CIRCLE AROUND EACH OTHER WITH THEIR FISTS RAISED.

WE SEE A SERIES OF STILL SHOTS OF THE FIGHT. THE FIRST SHOWS ANDY PUNCHING THE SQUIRREL IN THE JAW AND THE SQUIRRELS FACE GRIMACES. THE SECOND SHOWS ANDY PUNCHING THE SQUIRREL UNDER THE CHIN AND HIS HEAD ROCKS BACK. THE THIRD SHOWS THE SQUIRREL HEAD-BUTTING ANDY AND HIS FACE IS CONTORTED IN PAIN. THE FINAL SHOT SHOWS ANDY KICKING THE SQUIRREL AWAY.

CAPTION:' 3 MONTHS LATER'

WE SEE EXTERNAL OF A PUB CALLED 'THE WOUNDED MOOSE'.
INSIDE ANDY IS AT THE BAR CHATTING WITH A COUPLE OF HIS TEAMMATES. NEARER THE CAMERA WE SEE 3 FANS OF ANOTHER TEAM.

FAN 1:
There's Andy Spark over there. He's been unreal since he came back from Mist Mountain. He never gets sent off anymore. If we don't get him back to the way he was they are going to win the league and we can't have that. We'll have to change his polarity back from flight to fight.

FAN 2:
How are we going to do that?

FAN 1:
Leave that to me.

FAN 1 APPROACHES ANDY.

FAN 1:
Hey Andy, my kid is outside the door and he would love an autograph.

ANDY:
Sure.

THEY GO OUT INTO AN ALLEYWAY AND THERE ARE FOUR OTHER FANS WAITING FOR ANDY HE IS BACKED INTO A WALL WITH NO ESCAPE.

FAN 1:
Okay Andy we know your short fuse is still in there somewhere and once you get mad you'll be back to the old Andy. The one that gets sent off and gets lengthly suspensions. C'mon Mr. Angry its either fight or flight and theres nowhere for you to run.

THE GANG MOVE CLOSER AND CLOSER TO ANDY AND HE LOOKS AROUND FOR OPTIONS.

FAN1:
Fight or flight Andy? Fight or flight and you've nowhere to run.

ANDY:
I just have to remember what Meelkak taught me.

ANDY TAKES 1 STEP FORWARD AND FLIES UP IN THE AIR.

ANDY:
I choose flight.

HE FLIES OFF INTO THE NIGHT SKY.

END.

I missed this one. So I shall start the voting.
Ishy for me this week although it was a hard choice to make.
I have chosen Ishy for his unique take on fighting & it was funny too.

Very Old Skool type of sketch. Just brilliantly done.

Reg N